Page 22 of Saddle Studs (Rainbow Ranch #3)

SAM

The entire house was quiet. It was past breakfast time, so the family was likely out managing their morning duties. I could hear the faint ticktock of the armadillo clock in the kitchen.

It was the perfect time for me to order a car and get the hell out of here.

My bag was packed. My soul felt heavy. My heart hurt with every beat.

I should never have come here. The past was a demon you could never outrun. It sunk its wicked claws into the nape of your neck and grabbed hold, yanking you back when you least expected it.

I wasn’t ready for this. I’d never be ready for it.

Coming here, back to Rainbow Ranch, back into Benny’s stratosphere, made me confront parts of myself I’d long since buried.

I thought my feelings toward him were a blip on the radar, a kink in the chain.

I didn’t realize they made up the twisting strands of my very DNA. It’s why I could never run from it.

But I was sure as hell going to try.

The whole thing with Dennis could be sorted out later. I’d get a lawyer involved if needed, although I doubt it would ever even get to that. Then there was that tiny strip of land that I technically owned. I hadn’t even gone to see it. Didn’t care to. Not anymore.

I couldn’t linger. The longer I stayed, the more chances there were of running into Benny. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. It was a cowardly move, and he deserved more. But then again, that was the exact reason why I had to leave. Benny Adams was a golden man in a world made of bronze figurines.

I opened my app. The car would take over thirty minutes to get to the ranch.

Apparently, not many rideshare drivers worked around Johnson Springs.

I looked out the window, seeing nothing but bright blue skies and verdant green grass.

My room was toward the back of the house and faced away from the stables and pastures.

There was the regal and lone oak tree that marked a spot Benny and I would often hang out at as kids.

It was also the small piece of land Frankie had left me.

Which was… odd. Why would Frankie have done that?

Why would he have done any of this? He always had a reason for his actions.

He was a big jokester, always pulling pranks on people, but he was also a by-the-book kind of guy. He liked order, and he liked reason.

So where was the order and reason in all of this? All I could see was chaos and pain.

I checked the rideshare app again. The driver canceled and their replacement was even further away. Great.

I sighed and rolled my luggage across the dirt. The wheels clacked and clicked over small stones and broken branches. I froze, thinking I heard Benny and Boone’s voices coming in my direction. That’s the last thing I needed. To have to confront the very guy I was running away from.

Then again… maybe it wasn’t Benny I was running from?

I reached the ancient oak tree. On its scarred bark were two lone carved letters , a little below eyeline.

The letters B and S. Didn’t stand for bullshit as one would likely assume at first glance.

I traced the small, shaky letters with my finger.

This had been one of our spots. Frankie had actually called it the Boys’ Tree because he said it never failed to find us two sitting in its shade, laughing and talking about nothing and everything.

Guess he wanted me to own the little slice of land that brought me so much happiness when I was younger?

I turned and pressed my back against the tree.

A current of sadness flowed through me, weighing me down.

My chest felt heavy, lungs full of cement.

I hadn’t expected to come back and feel everything I used to feel when I was a kid.

I also didn’t expect to feel so fucking happy being back in Benny’s orbit.

And the things we’d done… They were fantasies come true.

It had felt better than any fading dream could make me feel.

Kissing Benny, lying with him, it was like slipping a key into a cobweb-encrusted lock.

But the door was broken, the hinges stuck.

Even with the key it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t allow it.

I sank down to the ground. I pulled my legs up and rested my arms on my knees.

It created a small, light-filled cave. I rested my forehead against my arms and closed my eyes.

Rainbow Ranch had provided me a safe space to figure out I was a huge fucking coward.

Benny didn’t deserve me. He deserved someone who was out and proud.

Who could hold his hand in public and not care about the judgmental glares or bigoted comments.

That wasn’t me. I cared. Way too much. I gave power to the shame that people projected onto me.

It was the equivalent of taking away a spoon from a yelling psychopath and handing them an AK-47.

Other people’s opinions were completely harmless until you sharpened their weapons by simply caring about what they said.

I sucked in a deep breath. The air carried with it the scent of wet dirt from last night’s rain. Beneath my feet I noticed a particularly clean square patch of dirt, the grass not having taken hold after the dig. It looked fresh.

Huh.

I shifted so that I sat on my hip and I started to dig. It didn’t take me long at all to find a small wooden box, its finish smooth and polished after I blew off some of the dirt. There was a tiny name etched near one of the rounded corners.

Frankie Newman.

Weird, what was a box belonging to Frankie doing in the exact spot he had left me in his will?

There was a clasp where a lock likely fit. I opened the lid and found a neatly folded and crisp piece of paper on a flat bed of red velvet. A name was scrawled across the paper in a shaky handwriting.

My name.

“What the…” My eyebrows drew together. I unfolded the paper and leaned back on the tree. Somewhere nearby, a rooster let out a loud crow. I barely registered it past the sound of my beating heart.

To Sammy,

Sucks I have to be writing this, huh? I didn’t want to go but I guess clocking out in your early eighties ain’t all that bad. And we all have to do it eventually. I’ve lived a lot, and a lot of my life was spent around you, watching you grow, gaining the confidence to become who you are today.

But I feel like there’s more left for you to learn about yourself.

I speak with you every other month and I don’t think the city has treated you fairly.

I think the doctor would prescribe a trip back to your roots and back to a certain Rainbow Rancher.

Your eyes always lit up around him, same as your smile.

I hope coming back home can help you find your truth and own your happiness. Life’s far too short, even at eighty. It feels like a flickering flame. So shine yours bright.

Ok, enough with my poetics. I’ve been reading quite a bit of Shakespeare from bed. Can you tell?

With love, Frankie

P.S. Don’t worry about the whole Dennis and land thing. My will was completely fabricated and has no legal standing. I just couldn’t think of a better way to get you here.

P.P.S. Tell Benny and the family I say howdy.

P.P.P.S. Don’t let him go again.

A rain drop fell and wet the corner of the letter. Another drop. And another.

I sniffed. Realized there wasn’t a cloud in the bright blue sky.

How had Frankie known? And what was I supposed to do with this information?

With this flood of emotion? I couldn’t contain it.

I was sad I was leaving, sad Frankie was gone, sad my past with Benny had been scarred.

Angry at the system that held me down, made me hide.

Angry at the fear that kept me locked in the closet.

A flash of my time at the ranch crossed my mind. Benny and I in the river. Benny teaching me how to care for his horses. Benny teaching me how good sex with another man could feel.

Benny making me feel complete.

My phone vibrated against the ground, stirring up some tiny rocks. A notification appeared on my screen.

My driver had arrived. It was time for me to go.