Page 10 of Saddle Studs (Rainbow Ranch #3)

SAM

I wiped the sweat off my brow with a corner of my already drenched T-shirt. Thankfully it was black, so I didn’t look like a splotchy and melting mess.

Since when did it get so damn hot in Oklahoma? I couldn’t remember ever feeling like I was in the second circle of hell when I lived here, but maybe that was nostalgia talking. Or possibly climate change.

One or the other.

“How ya doing out here, Sam?”

I looked up from the food trough I’d been cleaning out.

Sky walked toward me with a beaming smile, their bright green hair matching a wrist full of green bracelets in all different shades.

They were pretty new to the ranch, having practically stumbled onto it after chasing a storm—or, I guess in Sky’s case, after being chased by a storm.

It was likely one of their luckiest days yet, considering that tornado led them directly into the arms of Beau and Pris. The trio were nearly inseparable, their connection as clear as day.

It was nice to see. That’s something I loved about Rainbow Ranch.

It served as a haven—not just for the animals that lived on the property or the teens who came seeking purpose, but also as a safe space for expressing yourself and live free from judgment.

Maybe that’s why I loved living in the city, too.

It was a different kind of safe space. The multitude of people and personalities and cultures made it easier to blend into the crowd.

But at Rainbow Ranch, there was no blending in, and no need to, either. Everyone’s individuality was celebrated equally.

“I’m doing alright,” I said, feeling beads of sweat drip down my shoulders. “Hot as balls out here, though.”

“Want some water?”

“Nah, I was just about to head inside for lunch anyway.”

“Oh, you might want to hurry. Benny made some killer mac and cheese bites. His cooking is trouble.” They rubbed their belly, grinning.

“Trust me, I know. He’s always been a great chef. Even in high school. He’d cook up the wildest, tastiest dishes. It was impressive. Especially at that age, when microwaving a Hot Pocket was already difficult enough.”

Sky laughed at that. They leaned against the barn door, sunlight painting the red wood slats behind them in bold strokes of gold. They wore a red and white plaid shirt half-tucked into their torn jeans. “You two have known each other since high school?”

“Since like fourth grade, yeah. My dad moved us here after my mom passed. He was born and raised in Johnson Springs, so he wanted to come back. It was just me and him. Then I met Benny—and by met I mean I nearly ran away with him after we concocted a whole scheme during snack time, where he was going to teach me to ride a horse.”

“Whoa. Talk about a meet cute.”

“A what cute?”

“A meet cute. It’s like the special moment in romance books where the two characters meet for the first time.”

“Huh,” I said. “Never heard of that one before.”

“Not that I’m comparing you two to a romance novel or anything. Just saying. But also, the puppy eyes you guys throw each other are cute.”

I could feel my cheeks redden. Thankfully, they were likely already pretty flushed from the heat and exertion, so Sky didn’t seem to notice.

It had been a week since I arrived at Rainbow Ranch and reunited with Benny.

A whole ass week since I accidentally played porn loud enough for Benny to hear.

Seven full days since I had sexted with Benny for the first time ever.

And I’d been jerking off to the photo of him covered in cum every day since.

Talk about a state of fucking confusion. Neither of us brought it up after it happened. I wasn’t sure if that was because Benny wanted to bury it and never speak of it again or if he was just giving me space to talk about it first.

It was a lot for me to think about. Thoughts that weren’t new to me, not at all. Especially not when they pertained to Benny.

Dennis bolted into the barn, neighing happily as he body slammed one of the gates, spooking a peacefully resting Princess.

She huffed out her annoyance and kicked at the wall of her stall.

Behind him trailed a smiling Benny, looking like a Western film star.

He wore a simple white tank top that showed off strong biceps, one of them artfully highlighted by dark black tattoos made of strong lines and sharp edges, looking almost like an alien script.

His light jeans were tucked into his coffee-colored leather cowboy boots, an intricate and delicate floral pattern etched into the sides.

He had a plate in his hand, fat and crispy mac and cheese balls resting in the center.

“Howdy, I thought you’d might want some,” Benny said as he handed me the plate. It smelled heavenly. My mouth started to water.

“Those were sooo good, Benny.”

“Thanks, they’re one of my go-tos.”

Sky pushed off the wall. They gave Dennis a couple of head scratches before clapping their hands and waving. “I gotta go, I think Pris needed help in the garden.”

“See ya,” I said.

“If you want more, there’s plenty!” Benny pointed at the plate. “Left a bowl full of ‘em in the kitchen.”

Sky shouted another thanks over their shoulder and walked out of the barn, leaving me and Benny alone.

I grabbed one of the mac and cheese balls and took a bite.

Warm, sharp cheddar cheese melted together with a softer kind of cheese, coating a delicious mouthful of perfectly cooked noodles.

The crisp of the breaded and spiced shell was the perfect way to balance and enhance an already perfect recipe.

“Damn,” I said, nodding, covering my mouth with a fist as I finished chewing my bite. “That’s really fucking good.”

“Thank ya, thank ya. I’m all done in the kitchen so I’m free to help you with whatever chores you’ve got left.”

“I’m done cleaning and mucking the stalls.

Was just giving that extra food trough a good deep clean before we start using it again.

” That wasn’t something that had been on my list of things to do but being here kicked off a drive to work around the ranch.

I already offered to pay for my stay, but everyone refused to accept my money.

I hated to be seen as a freeloader of any kind and so I wanted to make sure everyone knew I would at least work in exchange for a bed.

“Nice, thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

I shrugged, swallowing another gooey, cheesy, crunchy bite. “Eh, I’ve got nothing else to do,” I said, and then, without overthinking it, I added, “unless you have those video recs for me.”

Benny cocked his head, smile curling the corner of his lips.

Fuck it. I wasn’t going to pretend like nothing had happened between us. We weren’t skittish teenagers figuring shit out anymore. We were both grown men, with plenty of experience and confidence in own our actions.

And in own our desires.

“I wasn’t sure you still needed them.” He crossed his arms, which made his biceps bulge even more.

Shit. Was I an arms guy? I hadn’t really thought much of it. I knew I always found a woman’s ass to be the most attractive part of their body, did that change when it came to men? I wasn’t entirely sure. I mean, I also really fucking liked Benny’s ass, too, so… maybe not?

And what did any of this even mean in the first place?

I wasn’t running from or fearful of the emotions Benny stirred in me—not I had the first time I felt these visceral sensations—but I still didn’t know how to deal with them.

Did I surrender to the wave? Just lean into the connection? And what about our past?

A blade made of pure guilt stabbed through my chest. I had to apologize to him.

Benny’s dark eyes narrowed. “Honestly, the picture you sent has kept me pretty entertained.”

I chuckled at that, trying to hide the way my body really wanted to react to the mention of the photos we swapped—with a moan. “That was hot.”

“It was. I didn’t think… I guess I shouldn’t assume things are just like they used to be.”

“It’s weird. Nothing’s how it used to be, but it also feels like everything’s how it used to be. I can’t really explain it.”

“You don’t have to,” Benny said. “I get it.”

Of course he did. Benny always got it. He always understood me.

I set the plate down on the ledge of the empty stall next to me.

“You know, Benny, I’ve been meaning to talk to you…

about how I left. How I said things I never should have said.

Acted in ways I really fucking regret. To this day, I still regret ever pushing you away.

Seeing you fall backward, it’s a reoccurring nightmare of mine.

Sometimes there’s nothing but empty space behind you.

Those are the worst.” A swell of emotion lodged in my throat.

I’d come a long way from the repressed and selfish kid I’d once been, but it scared me that I’d been capable of that to begin with.

“I’m so sorry. I should have just respectfully explained why I couldn’t kiss you.

Why I couldn’t be with you the way you wanted me to, the way you deserved.

I was just so scared of—of bullshit, honestly.

Of disappointing my parents, of turning toward sin.

I was religious to a point of toxicity back then.

It shaped some of my reactions. I’m sorry. ”

Each word I spoke felt like applying soothing balm to a blistering sunburn.

I couldn’t stay a day longer at Rainbow Ranch without getting this apology out.

Especially not when I was flirting with the one person I’d been so terrified to even bat an eyelash toward when I was younger.

We’d been best friends, always together, and that had made me extra alert to try and avoid any tiny action that could be misconstrued and kick up a whirlwind of nasty rumors.

What I should have been terrified of was losing the one person who I could fully be myself around.

Benny blinked in surprise. He clearly wasn’t expecting this, and if he was, what I said still caught him off guard.

He smiled, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I really appreciate that, Sam, and I accept it. Seeing you wasn’t easy, I ain’t gonna lie.

It brought up a whole lot of feelings I thought were buried.

Some of those feelings were negative, just from how we left things.

But you apologizing to me… it means a lot.

And it makes those negative emotions kinda just… fade away.”

“Good,” I said. The space between us was shrinking. Was I moving toward him, or him moving toward me? I couldn’t quite tell. It was as though we’d both been caught inside each other’s orbit, being pulled closer and closer together.

“So, I guess what I’m wondering is—forget it, not my place to ask.”

“Ask,” I said. “You can ask me anything.”

His eyes locked with mine. He was thinking about it. I knew what he wanted to ask, and I was scared I wouldn’t have the answer for him.

But that didn’t matter. I knew I was in a place that was safe enough for me to figure it out.

My Apple Watch buzzed with a notification. Out of instinct—and because service out here was so bad, the random buzz scared me—I checked the alert. An email appeared on the screen, sent from my boss’s account, simply titled: Termination Effective Immediately.

My mood, buoyed by the flirty tension between Benny and I, immediately plummeted down to the very core of the earth. It was as if my boss personally reached through my phone and slapped me across the face after she’d just gotten a new set of nails installed.

Well, I guess no place is safe from a pink slip.