Page 32 of Run For Me (Until You’re Mine Duet #1)
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sailor
I’ve been playing Solar Surge for hours, trying to pass the time. Yet every time I glance at the clock, only a few minutes have gone by. I knew Saturday would be a long day, but I didn’t expect it to be this long.
At this rate, I’m going to age ten years by the time I have to leave.
My character, a strong warrior troll with pink hair, stops, putting her hands on her knees and bending over. I glance up at her health and realize she needs to sleep. Great. Now what am I going to do?
I check the map and find a place where my character can rest, then head to it so she can sleep.
If I speed it up, she’ll recover but it won’t last as long.
Letting her sleep in real time means I’ll get more out of her when I play next.
I hardly ever speed it up and use the time to take a break from gaming.
A message pops up just as I’m about to log off.
YoungWizard: Hey, haven’t seen you on in a while!
Me: Just been busy with school.
YoungWizard: How’s Sam? He hasn’t been on in a while either.
I sigh, staring at the message. Sam and I have been playing this game together for years and we’ve built a little community of friends.
We all know each other pretty well and used to play together religiously.
Now that we’re older and a few of us are in college, it’s been hard.
I debate whether to tell him that Sam and I have broken up.
Ultimately, I decide against it, mostly because I don’t want to get into the details.
Besides, he didn’t ask how we were, just how he was.
Me: He’s okay. Busy with school too.
YoungWizard: Which is why I’m not going!
Me: Well, when your hacker skills are as good as yours, I guess school isn’t necessary.
YoungWizard: Don’t I know it.
Me: I was just going to sign off to catch up on homework.
YoungWizard: Catch you later.
I close out of the message and shut my laptop.
I lean against my headboard and stare at my phone, wondering if messaging JT would come across as clingy.
My stomach rolls with nerves as I think about tonight.
Should I do this? I’m not sure, but I want to.
Outside of worrying about him being a serial killer.
Which could happen with anyone. I mean, Sam could be a psychopath too.
John Wayne Gacy, Dennis Rader, and Gary Ridgeway all had families at some point, so your lifestyle isn’t a good indication of where your head is at.
Just because JT is into this sort of stuff doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. I’m not a bad person.
Huh…
I repeat that in my head again.
I’m not a bad person.
Then I say it out loud. “I’m not a bad person.”
For the first time, I believe that. Just because I want someone to be rough with me doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I’m not doing anything to hurt anyone. I’m minding my own business and doing my own thing. But what trips me up is how I can have these thoughts with zero experience.
Is that normal?
Do people usually know they’re into rough sex before they start having sex at all? Or is it them having regular sex that makes them realize it?
The only way I even know my way around all this stuff is from watching videos.
I’d gone on a kick of watching porn to prepare myself for sex with Sam a few years ago when we first started talking about it.
That’s when my thoughts turned dark. After watching the videos and seeing small things that caught my attention over others.
Like a hand on a throat. The woman being blindfolded. Spanking.
How can I want those things without having had them? I guess the same way anyone wants anything else they’ve never had, right?
I sigh heavily, closing my eyes.
I’m nervous about tonight, but I definitely want to do it. I want this to happen.
I pick up my phone to text JT. I can’t worry about him thinking I’m clingy. This is a big deal.
Me: Should we have a safe word or something?
JT: Are you planning on telling me to stop?
Me: No, but what if I want you to? I’ve never done any of this before.
JT: Good point. Pick a word.
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I think of what word to use. I don’t want to use something stupid like a fruit because that’s what most people use. It has to be something easy to say, something I’ll remember. Something I can’t accidentally say.
Me: Journal.
JT: How did I know that’s what you’d pick?
I smile to myself. He knew?
Me: Thank you for doing this.
JT: Thank you for trusting me with doing it.
Me: Have you ever done something like this before?
The jealousy that tightens my chest is unexpected and uncalled for.
Why should I be jealous over this guy? I don’t even know who he is.
Other than him telling me to meet him in the park at ten, we’ve not talked much about it.
The anxious part of me wants to get into details, plan the whole thing.
But that ruins it. Knowing what’s going to happen will ruin the experience. I have to trust him to just do this.
JT: Which part?
Me: Any of it.
I wait for him to respond, holding my breath. I glance at the clock. It’s only three. Maybe I should take a nap.
JT: I’ve never had sex with a virgin. Never chased anyone down in the woods. I have had random hook ups and rough sex.
I think long and hard about how I feel about that, and the only thing I keep going back to is the fact he’s never had sex with a virgin.
Me: How old were you when you lost your virginity?
JT: 14
Me: How old was she?
JT: 29
My eyes bulge out of my head. He lost his virginity at fourteen years old with someone who was almost old enough to be his mother?
What does his mother think about this? Then I remember what he said about them and how they were there, but not.
Maybe that’s why he did it. Maybe he looked at this woman as if she was a mother figure.
Me: That makes me sad for you.
JT: Why? It was hot.
Me: Because you were taken advantage of.
JT: Says the girl who is going to allow me to do whatever I want to her.
Me: It’s different.
This time, when I wait for his response, it never comes.
I’ve noticed he shuts down when I get into the emotional stuff, and I guess I can’t blame him for that.
He’s a guy. And not a typical one. I have a feeling I’m going to regret tonight, and not because I’m giving him my body.
I have a feeling that when he leaves after, he’s going to be taking something else with him too. Something I won’t so easily forget.