Page 24 of Rulebreaker

SANDY: Stop it. You think Brody doesn’t love me? You think my life isn’t a thousand times better since I met him?

LILY: Oh, I know he does. And I’m sure it is–but I’m not you. I love my life.

SANDY: You can still have your life and a man who loves you.

LILY: Okay, why are we talking about love? It was sex. Really, really, REALLY good sex, but sex. There’s no marriage proposal within the roses. Just his phone number.

SANDY: And you’re not going to call or text.

LILY: Nope.

SANDY: Do I know him?

LILY: I’m sure you know of him. Atlas Delarosa.

My phone rings and I laugh as I answer. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Girlfriend! That man is an enigma–how on earth did you hook up with him?”

“You know Royal? They went to college together. He’s part of Royal’s extended family.”

“Wowza. And you hooked up?”

“Not just any hookup–he inducted me into the Mile High Club.”

She laughs. “That’s pretty cool. About time. Brody and I did that on our honeymoon.”

I hear a baby crying in the background.

“And now you have a house full of rugrats.”

“The two cutest, sweetest rugrats in the whole world, thank you very much.”

“Do you have to go?” I ask, since the baby’s still crying.

“That’s what nannies are for, my friend. And husbands. I can still talk on the phone or go to lunch or spend a couple of hours in my home studio. It was my choice to stay home for a while when the last tour ended. No one made me, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Don’t you miss it?” I ask suddenly, my voice quiet.

She knows what I’m asking about.

“Of course. But it’s not forever. I’ve been writing songs with Brody. My record label has been amazing, waiting for me to get to a place where I’m okay leaving the kids. Lots of people do it.”

“And lots of people never get back to where they were before they took time off.”

“Well, I’m not the biggest pop star in the world, but I did pretty well for myself. I’m not worried about money or stardom. What I have is special. There’s a kind of relief to not chasing the next hit, the next tour, the next award. I can just be. You know?”

No, I don’t know.

Because that’s not who I am.

I will always strive for the next rung on the ladder of success.

“How much money do you need, Lily?” she asks after an awkward beat of silence. “How many number one hits? Or world tours? Or awards will it take to fulfill whatever it is that’s empty inside of you?”

Oh, wow.

That’s deeper than I was expecting from a casual chat with a good friend I don’t see very often. I wanted to talk about Atlas’s dick–not my barren emotional well.