Page 14 of Rulebreaker

Usually I revel in being on stage, performing. I get off on the energy I pull from the crowd.

It’s different tonight.

MaybeI’mdifferent.

Stop it, Lily.

I’m an idiot when it comes to men.

Always have been.

That’s why I know better than to start anything with a guy like Atlas. Someone strong and smart and even more successful than me–successful men are my kryptonite. A weakness that makes me second guess myself every god damn time.

There’s a reason I’ve put a moratorium on dating.

Sex is easy, and historically, I’ve had a lot of it.

I decided to take a break on casual hookups and one-night stands because it was beginning to feel…forced. Looking to ease my loneliness with a physical connection that winds up leaving me even more lonely in the aftermath.

“Lily… 3 - 2- 1…” Barb always counts down for me so I know exactly where to be when she hits “one.” Except I’m so lost in thought I miss my cue and end up a couple of beats behind.

Dammit.

But instinct kicks in–I’ve done this thousands of times over the years.

“Hello, Denver–how the heck are you tonight?”

The audience erupts in applause and I take a moment to size them up. There’s a little girl in the front row with a sign—Today is my eighth birthday!—and she’s bouncing up and down waving it.

A few rows behind her there’s another sign—Will you go to prom with me?

That would be a hoot.

Maybe I’ll do it. It’s a great publicity stunt, and I never got to go to my own prom. I’ll have my security team bring the kid backstage after the show, talk to him, see if it’s feasible with my schedule.

My drummer counts off and we go right into “Heaven’s Heartbeat,” my first big hit. It’s a country song but we’ve added some rock guitar and a little grind to the vocals that makes it a bit more mainstream. I have to find balance at my shows because although my country songs got me started, it’s my pop albums that brought me super stardom. I need to respect both sets of fans, and sometimes it’s a tricky line to walk.

“...it’s not just heaven, it’s everywhere we look, the heartbeat of forever, you read me like a book.” Everyone is singing along to the chorus, and I dance along the edge of the stage.

I have a big production these days, including backup singers who also dance, a full band, and videos that enhance the storyline of each song. It took months to plan and set up, but the crowds seem to love it, and I do my best to give them a night to remember.

“How about we sing happy birthday to someone?” I say. The crowd seems amenable, so I look down to the front row. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

She replies but I can’t hear her, so her father repeats it. “Gigi!”

“Okay, Gigi turned eight today. Everybody help me sing…”

Someone hands me an acoustic guitar, and I play some basic chords as eighteen thousand people sing “Happy Birthday” to Gigi.

The smile on her face is a mile wide and that’s one of many reasons I do what I do.

“Happy birthday, dear Gigi…happy birthday to you!” I extend that last syllable and then the room explodes in applause.

Happy birthday, sweet Gigi.

Finally.

I’m back in the zone and focused on music.