Page 15 of Rulebreaker

Time to put Atlas and the best sex of my life behind me.

FIVE

Atlas

“And if that’s it…”I say, grabbing the stack of papers and tapping them on my desk to line them up along their edges.

Only once they’re perfectly aligned do I place them in their proper folder.

That then goes in the hanging file in my desk drawer.

Most of my work is digital, but when I’m working on a particularly tough project, I prefer to revert back to paper.

Writing my ideas out helps me keep them in order, helps me prioritize.

And with as many things as I have happening at any one time, I truly need that.

The order. The list. Prioritizing and making sure I don’t forget anything important.

Briar is great. She carries a heavy load to continue making sure my company is successful and profitable. She’s invested, and I truly couldn’t do it without her.

But some things are always going to fall to me.

That’s how it’s always been.

I scrounged together dinner for myself by the time was six, even if it was just a peanut butter sandwich. I always did my homework, my projects, studied for my tests without a parent reminding me.

Because my dad wasn’t there.

Because my mom just didn’t have it in her.

Anyway, it was my responsibility.Mine.No one else’s. Because no one else would ever step in, would ever go to bat for me.

It’s probably why I never made it into the NHL like Banks did.

Secretly, I really wanted it.

But I wasn’t enough of a team player to make it that far.

I could squeak out a scholarship to a good university because I needed that, because I would have struggled to get my degree any other way, but I wasn’t ready for the big leagues.

I couldn’t bring myself to fully rely on my teammates.

My shrink would say that I know precisely what childhood trauma brought that about—and I do, that hyper-independence, never able to rely on anyone but myself, and the myriad of issues that foster care brings—but part of me thinks it’s simpler than that.

I don’t connect to people.

Not like Banks does or Dash. Hell, not even like Royal who pretty much playedThe Man in the Iron Maskuntil he fell for Jade.

There’s something broken inside me.

Or that’s what I always thought.

Because I didn’t feel broken when I was kissing Lily, when the tight sheath of her body was clamping down around me. I didn’t feel broken when she was smiling at me, teasing me.

I only felt it when she kissed me on the cheek and walked away without a second look.

“Um,” Briar says, yanking me roughly to the surface of my mind, and away from where my thoughts have drifted continually since I left Denver (that being Lily). “Want to finish that thought, big guy?”