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I choked it all down and he took the cup from me. As he spoke in soft tones to someone nearby, I took in my surroundings and realized that I was in my ‘secret’ apartment.

Not secret now apparently…Daisy.

“D-d-daisssy,” I slurred.

It felt like I was grinding nails in my mouth as I tried to talk.

The commander looked at me over his shoulder and dread pooled cold and thick in my stomach. It became worse the closer he got to me, sitting in a nearby chair that barely fit his frame.

“She’s fine, no thanks to you. I got there in time to keep her from being taken and save both your lives.”

“W…w-where?”

“None of your fucking business.”

The dread was starting to become anger at his tone and he must’ve seen it in my face because he leaned closer to me; his voice never rose, but the threat of his fury was filling the space between us until I could barely breath.

“I let the two of you talk all these years,” he said, “but you already knew that didn’t you?”

I gave a small nod. I’d guessed fairly quickly that he was the one allowing me to have access to Daisy, but I just never could understand why. Especially when he’d kept her sequestered from actual missions so much longer than any of the rest of us.

“I thought it would help her through her grief at first, but then you were helping her get better at combat, so I let it ride, wanted to see what would happen. I just never would’ve guessed you’d be so fucking stupid.”

I wanted to tell him to go to hell but all I could do was glare. If the fury pouring out of his eyes was any indication, the message was received.

“You thought you could what? Run away, have a normal happy life? Haven’t you listened to a damn thing I’ve ever told you?”

He leaned closer until I could smell my expensive brandy on his breath.

“People like you and I, we don’t get a normal life, we don’t get to love anyone. We get the dark, the smell of blood. And if we’re very lucky, we retire long enough to enjoy some good liquor, a few good fucks, and die with a smile on our faces instead of a blade in our chest.”

“Sh…she w…wants— ”

“She’s fifteen, you…” he raised his hand like he was going to strike me and put it down.

“She’s been through a lot and is mature for her age, so I’ll forget that you tried to run away with my fifteen year old niece.

What I won’t forget is how you tried to steal an asset from me, someone with a bright future that almost ended tonight because she was sloppy.

And do you know why she was sloppy on her arrival? Because she was so excited to see you.”

That landed and I flinched.

“Yeah, now you’re starting to get it. You put her in danger, you made her reckless. Not only that, but those goons? Two of them were after you for the train job last month, and that Talosian found her because of the phase bolt fight in the alley.”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see what the commander was trying to make me believe.

“I get it,” he said after a moment, “you’re young, you fell in love or whatever the fuck. But trust me kid, this life? It’s not made for happy endings. It will only end in blood and tears and pain. Do you want that for her?”

I shook my head.

“I didn’t think so.” The door opened and in walked three men, all in med suits.

“I’ve destroyed all your com devices. You’ll receive new ones and a transfer off this rock.

While we wait for that, however, the good doctor here is going to give you a new face since this one is pretty much busted to hell. ”

I frowned at him, asking silent questions.

“She’s no longer your concern. You will never see her again, and she will be informed of your death. Since you’re getting a new face, there’s no worry that if she ever does see you that she’ll recognize you, is there?”

My throat was clogged and tears fell hot from my swollen eye as it all sank in. This was the right thing; it would keep her safe and if I loved her, really loved her, wasn’t that what I should do?

“She’ll be fine, I swear it,” the commander whispered to me, in a rare moment of tenderness.

“She’s meant for better things than you or I ever were.

If you tried to get her back, you’d only drag her into the dark with you.

And is that what you want? To dim that light we both care about?

Because you will. You know it and so do I.

So let her go, move on. I’ll even make you a deal that if you stay away, let her build a life of her own, I’ll let you out of your contract in seven years.

You can be your own man then, do whatever you want. Just leave her alone.”

It was a devil’s bargain, and I knew it. Still, it was something. And if I couldn’t have her, then I needed to carve out a different kind of life for myself. It was a better deal than I probably deserved.

So I nodded and gave myself a few minutes to grieve what I’d lost as the commander spoke with the doctor. When he came back, I had stopped crying, the place in my chest where I assumed there had been a heart was cold, empty. And I welcomed it.