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“A sex worker?” she finished for me. “No, he was a piece of shit, but he never forced any of us into things we didn’t want. Well…I say didn’t force but sometimes there wasn’t exactly a choice either.”

“Like what he did to Sherrod.”

“Yes,” her joviality fading, a bite replacing it the longer we talked about my uncle.

“But he didn’t make me what I am today, that was my choice before I met him.

I was raised in the foundling houses and apprenticed to one of the sacred courtesan houses on Valtosh Prime when I came of age.

A few days before I was supposed to take my final vows, the Bryson Syndicate attacked, claiming our matron owed them a debt. They took it out on us.”

My stomach twisted as what she wasn’t saying became clear to me.

“I’m sorry.”

She waved it away.

“Thank you, but it was a life time ago. In any case, the commander found me and took me in, trained me to be an assassin. It was my idea to use my skills to get close to targets. When Sherrod left the commander’s service, he secured my freedom too and I haven’t looked back.”

She frowned at the screen and typed in adjustments as the machine whirred.

“I think we’ll want some extra mesh over your throat and thighs, the free-for-all will be the most vicious of the fights and we wouldn’t want anyone ‘accidentally’ puncturing your arteries. Is this business as usual for you?”

“Yes and no. Is it unsettling and not normal to find out my childhood sweetheart isn’t dead and, in fact, was asked to protect me by an uncle I thought was a different person?

Yes. Is facing down odd and dangerous opponents that will rip my throat out with their teeth not normal?

No, it’s actually the most normal part of all this. ”

Zelena nodded.

“Good, then you’ll do fine with the fight. How are you doing with Sherrod?”

I stared at her, wondering if she really expected me to answer that.

“Fine,” I finally said.

She gave a me look that screamed ‘bullshit’ but didn’t call me out on it thankfully.

The only sound in the room was the machine whirring as it created the outfit.

Occasionally it would beep, and then Zelena would make adjustments on the screen.

I was growing restless and about to ask if she was done with me when Zelena broke the tension with the one topic I didn’t want to talk about.

“He was a wreck after that night,” she offered, “a different man.”

“And you helped him handle that.” I almost cringed at how bitter that came out.

She stopped typing on the screen and turned to face me. It was the most serious I’d seen her since we arrived.

“Yes, I did. We were both dealing with circumstances that had gutted us. But you need to understand, it wasn’t passion, it wasn’t romance.

It was comfort and it ended when it needed to.

We haven’t been together in over ten years and we won’t be because our relationship isn’t like that.

And now that he’s found you again, I doubt anyone will tempt him. ”

I snorted at that.

“We’re just friends, he’s free to do what he wants.”

Zelena gave me a skeptical look that grated on my nerves.

“The two of you…” she shook her head. “He’s never gotten over you. So yeah, he’ll agree to be anything you want him to be, just to stay close to you.”

“I don’t think—”

“You’re smarter than this,” her voice becoming hard. “I know you are. So while you might need to lie to yourself, don’t lead him on. If you really aren’t interested in anything, if you’ve really moved on, then don’t give him any false hope. Tell him.”

“I did last night.”

“Is that when you suggested just being friends?”

“Yes.”

“Did you specifically say you didn’t feel the same? Did you tell him that after this you’d go your own ways?”

I swallowed and shook my head.

“You’re going to have to,” she continued, “because that man has been carrying a torch for you all this time and it’s not going out any time soon.”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Sweetie,” Zelena said with snort, “if this doesn’t end with the two of you riding off into the sunset, it’s going to hurt him. But better to rip that band aid off now than later. Trust me.”

“And if I’m not sure?” I whispered, barely able to get the words out.

I flopped down onto the edge of the bed, the weight of it all settling on my shoulders.

“Then figure it out,” Zelena said, coming to sit next to me.

“We’re different people now, how can I know how I feel about a stranger?”

“There’s more of Jacen in that man than he knows,” she leaned down to catch my eye, “and I think you see that. Jacen was always the best parts of him on display for you. And I’d bet, there’s a part of Daisy still in you as well.”

“And if I let him in, if we…and it goes to shit? If it’s just trying to relive the past and that’s all, there’s no future, how much is that going to hurt?”

“You’ve got a point. I guess I just want to see him happy for once. He deserves it.”

She was right about all of it, but so was I. While there might be a ‘right’ answer from a logical standpoint, it was the emotional side of things that was screaming the loudest at me to give in. I’d stopped letting my feelings lead me around a long time ago.

Twenty years to be exact.

I’d healed a lot from all of that, but trusting my heart was still something I found extremely difficult. And up to now, thinking things out, being dispassionate had worked very well. It had protected those I cared about, helped me build a career I was proud of.

It also kept me isolated from everyone but Kier and my father, two males who would prefer me to operate with logic instead of emotions. In a twist of irony, they were the only two I was comfortable letting my heart do a little of the leading with.

What if in protecting myself this time, though, I miss out on the one thing I’d always wanted? What if I break both our hearts and have to live with the regret of it?

Which would be better: take a chance and be wrong, or do nothing and always wonder?

“It’s done,” Zelena declared from the machine. “Let’s do a fitting.”

I stripped and tried to push all these questions aside as I slid into the surprisingly comfortable and skimpy outfit.

The mesh connecting the bikini like top and bottom made it more like a body suit to get into than a bathing suit.

It covered me from ankles, to wrists and just under my chin, even if to everyone else it would appear as if I were practically naked.

The mesh was light and silky against my skin, as was the fabric of the top and bottoms.

Zelena asked me to move and made notes. She tugged and shifted it and made more notes.

Then I was taking it off and she was feeding it back into the machine.

We went through three different iterations of this until she was satisfied with a deceptively soft jumpsuit that looked like a very tight and revealing bikini that didn’t fully cover my ass.

“You’re going to need a wax,” she said, glancing at my nethers, and I sighed.

I didn’t keep a very full bush, but the way this fit I’d have to be waxed bare. It wouldn’t be the first time, but I still didn’t prefer it.

“And we’ll need to get makeup in here soon too,” Zelena said.

“For a fight?” I asked.

“Sweetie, as I said, half the appeal is the pageantry and beauty. You want to be desirable, as well as frightening to these people. If they aren’t terrified and ready to come in their pants at the same time, you’re not going to get their attention.”

“Charming,” I muttered.

“Isn’t it though,” Zelena said with a smirk.

We both chuckled at the ridiculousness of it.

“Alright, the waxing team will be here in five. Do you want numbing cream?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

I stripped out of the suit and into a soft robe as I mentally started to prepare myself for this. It helped that I’d be playing a part complete with a costume and makeup. I just hoped it would be enough to keep my mind off Sherrod for the next few days until we finished this.