Page 4

Zephyr-Fourteen years old

M y feet were lead as I walked to my room. My uncle had been ruthless in my training today, but I didn’t complain a bit, hoping that if I didn’t, he would somehow become a human being and actually act like he loved me.

Of course, he didn’t.

It was my birthday, the third one since I asked to be trained by him. And like all the previous years, no one acknowledged it.

No cake, no special dinner, no gifts. Not even a card or a whispered ‘Happy Birthday’.

My mother would always make a big deal about birthdays, waking us up with our favorite breakfast and a special present. Then the whole day would be small discoveries or activities, ending in our favorite dinner and a cake with more presents.

I missed her every day, but especially today. The hole in my life that she left was burning in my chest as I opened the door to my dark bedroom.

It was spotless, like Uncle Randall demanded. I did everything he asked, was the perfect student and still, he showed me no care or warmth.

He did warn me but…I guess I just didn’t think it would be like this.

Loneliness ate at me as I showered and slipped into a pair of my coziest jammies. Jacen had been on assignment for the past few weeks, and missing him and my mother at the same time had me feeling like I was dying.

I laid on my bed and frowned as something poked my hand under my pillow. When I pulled the mystery object out, it was a box with a gold bow carefully tied around it.

A present.

Maybe my uncle had relented and given me a present after all?

I slowly untied the bow, trying to make this last as long as possible.

When I opened the box, there sat a beautiful gold and obsidian hair bow with a clip at the back.

I loved hair accessories but since training with my uncle, I hadn’t been able to wear them.

He demanded my hair remain short and pulled back into a tight bun, no adornments.

The com in my room beeped and my heart skipped. That was Jacen, it had to be!

I seized it from my bedside table and opened it, staring at his handsome face. He’d figured out how to send video along with audio a few months after we started these secret meetings. Though the video was often grainy, I loved seeing him, hearing him.

Jacen was also a Cyborg, like me. His implants had gotten shinier and more sophisticated the past year as Uncle Randall sent him on missions.

I always worried that something would happen to him and I’d be left alone once again, but he always came back.

Lately, my pulse would speed up the moment I saw him, my cheeks flushed with heat.

I wanted to touch him, to know if he wanted to touch me.

I had fantasies about his mouth, his strong hands and had started to explore myself to thoughts of what he might do to me.

He was older than me by a two years, and I wondered if he saw a child or a woman when he looked at me.

Was I too young for him? How did I compare to all the women he was surrounded by on that moon he lived on?

“Happy Birthday,” he sing-songed with a grin.

I giggled.

“Thank you. I’m so happy you’re back!”

“So am I, was worried I’d miss your birthday.”

That’s when it hit me: Jacen had somehow given me the hair bow.

“This is from you, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Guilty as charged.”

“How did you get it in here? Are you on Earth?”

“Unfortunately, no. But one of the housekeepers there owed me a favor, she placed it for me. Have you figured out what’s special about it yet?”

I turned it over, carefully examining it. This was a game we played often, examining objects that I would sneak from my uncle’s office, training ourselves to see what others might over look.

I felt along the underside and just barely noticed a small seam in the middle of the bow. I turned it over and pressed on either side of the bow. It clicked, opening up to reveal a garrote hidden within it.

“I saw a courtesan with elaborate hair ornaments a few months ago,” Jacen said, “and when I asked about them, she showed me that each one was a potential weapon. It got me thinking that maybe that’s something you could use when you start going on missions.

Use people’s assumptions about you and what you’re wearing against them. ”

“That’s brilliant,” I said, hoping my enthusiasm hid my jealousy when he mentioned the courtesan. “I love it, really.”

Jacen frowned at me.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar. C’mon, spill.”

I shrugged.

“Uncle Randall didn’t even acknowledge my birthday today,” I said, instead of asking about the courtesan.

“And this is harder than it was last year for some reason. I keep thinking of my mother, wondering if my brother is alright and what he’s doing.

I just…I miss having someone care about me I guess, it’s stupid. ”

Jacen’s cheeks flushed and his jade eyes hardened with anger.

“It’s not stupid. That bastard doesn’t deserve you,” he growled. “I’m sorry it was a shit day. You deserve to be spoiled rotten.”

I chuckled and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

“You would spoil me huh?”

“I’d give you everything, you’d never want for a single thing if I…”

My heart thudded in my chest and that warmth spread from my cheeks through my body as his voice trailed off.

“If you what?” I whispered.

“Nothing.”

“Now who’s lying?”

Jacen ran a hand over his face and the screen faded for a second before coming back.

“Daisy, this is…I’m older than you.”

“So? It’s not by much. What does that have to do with—?”

“Everything, alright? It’s got everything to do with how I shouldn’t feel about you.”

Was I dreaming or was Jacen admitting that I wasn’t the only one who wanted more than mere friendship?

“How…how do you feel?” I almost couldn’t get the words past the dryness in my throat.

Jacen hesitated, then he came closer to the camera and I swore I could feel the heat of his body near mine, the brush of his breath on my face.

“Like you’re the beginning and the end of me.”

A sharp breath caught in my chest and tears stung my eyes. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak as the happiness crushed me.

“Daisy? Are you…are you okay? Shit, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry if I freaked you out. Let’s just forget—”

“I feel the same,” I burst out. “I want to…to be in the same room with you, to touch you.”

The words were barely above a whisper but I knew he could hear me because his gaze became searing.

“You mean that?” he asked. “You’re not…it’s not just because I’m the only boy you’re talking to, is it?”

The vulnerability in his voice, like a child begging to be told he was loved, that he was special. It made my arms ache to hold him, to prove how important he was to me.

“I mean every word,” I said, my voice stronger. “It’s about you, Jacen. Not about you being my only friend.”

His fingertip absently traced the cyber unit on his face and I knew he was thinking about how everyone he’d trusted had rejected him because of his implants. Jacen used to have a family, a safe space in the galaxy. And they’d thrown him away like trash because of his accident.

“You’re amazing,” I breathed, desperate to make him see how much he meant to me. “You’re smart and funny. You’ve helped me so much when you didn’t have to. And this present is…it’s exactly what I needed, and it’s so thoughtful and beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.”

I blushed and bit my bottom lip.

He groaned on the com and I glanced up to see his gaze laser focused on my mouth.

“Fuck, do you have any idea how damn gorgeous you are? And how much of a creep I feel like to think the things I do about you?”

“You’re not that much older than me, you know. Besides, how do you know I’m not thinking the same things?”

“That doesn’t help.”

I laughed, joy scorching through me as I realized that Jacen thought I was sexy.

“I wish I could be there with you,” he said.

“Do you think we could ever meet?”

“Not unless you come here and I wouldn’t wish that on you. This moon is a shit hole.”

“You do realize I’m training to go to places like that, right?”

“Yeah but it doesn’t mean I want you swimming around in it.”

“Aw, are you trying to protect me?”

“Yes,” his voice was hard, “don’t make it sound dumb.”

“But it is,” I said with a chuckle. “I’m more than able to defend myself. My uncle says I’m nearly ready for my first assignment.”

Jacen went absolutely still, eyes wide.

“No.”

I frowned, a sudden jolt of anger hitting me.

“What do you mean ‘no’? I’ve been training my ass off. Just because I wasn’t all that confident at the beginning doesn’t mean I’m not capable now.”

“It’s not that!”

“Then what is it?”

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you, that’s all.”

The anger cooled, though I was still a bit frustrated.

“Nothing will,” I said, my voice gentle. “My uncle has his heart set on getting me into the GIB.”

“Which means he probably won’t put you out into the field, ever.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

Jacen’s full lips spread into a slow grin.

“But that might be our chance.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you’re sent to the GIB academy, I can sneak away and see you. I could move there.”

“Not without him knowing.”

“I’ll figure it out. Maybe we could even…I don’t know…”

“Run away?” I whispered, the fragility of the hope inside of me showing in the way my voice cracked.

The tension in his face relaxed and he nodded.

“Would you want to?” he asked.

“With you? Yes, anywhere. But it’s going to be at least two years until I’m able to get into the academy. You shouldn’t have to wait for me if you want to get out now.”

“I’ll wait. Two years will be nothing as long as we’re together at the end.”

I bit my lip again as tears burned my eyes.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked.

“Because I’m happy. And that scares me. The last time I was this happy, it didn’t last long and I’m afraid this will all fall apart.”

“It won’t,” he said with a fierceness. “I swear to you, Daisy, we’re getting out. And when we do, I’ll give you a good life, give you anything you want.”

“You. I just want you, Jacen.”

He closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

“No one has…” his voice broke. “No one has wanted me in a long time.”

“Not true,” I said, tracing the edge of the screen with my finger tip, longing to touch him. “I’ve wanted you since the moment you interrupted my pouting session two years ago.”

He was laughing before I even finished, which made me laugh too.

“You were pretty cute, and annoying.”

“And you were arrogant as hell.”

“But cute right?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe.”

As our laughter faded, a lightness settled on me and for the first time since that terrible night when my mother died, I felt as if the future had hope.

“It’s going to be tricky,” I said. “And a little dangerous. If my uncle finds out what we’re planning…do you think he’ll hurt you?”

Jacen hesitated, jaw clenching.

“Maybe, but I don’t care. The commander may have saved my life but that doesn’t mean he should own me. I’m tired of his control, we deserve our own life. We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

And I believed him because to give in to the doubts whispering around the edges of my mind would kill me.

So I clung to Jacen’s words as tightly as I was holding the hair clip, not minding in the least the way the gold bit into my flesh and blood hand.

We would do this, one way or another, and someday I hoped my uncle understood.