Page 41

Zephyr

I t was a simple but addictive luxury to be able to stare at Sherrod as long as I wanted.

My eyes traced the dips and planes of his stomach and chest, where a happy trail of wiry brown hair went from just below his navel and down to a cock that I couldn’t get enough of.

Then, up the strong column of his throat to a jaw line sprinkled with stubble that had left red patches between my thighs and breasts.

His lips were quirked up as his gaze lazily took in my back, where his fingers drew lazy circles on my skin.

I was laying on my stomach, head on my arms, while he was stretched out beside me, the sheets tangled and smelling of us, sweat cooling on our bodies. His head was propped on his cyber hand, which glinted in the low lights, his face more relaxed than I’d ever seen it.

“Do you remember,” he asked, his voice languid, “that book you had, with all the swear words in it.”

An embarrassed laugh erupted out of me and I buried my face in my arms.

“Oh my gods, why would you bring that up?”

He chuckled and bopped me on the nose when I showed my flushed face again.

“Because I think that was the moment I fell for you, when you admitted that you didn’t know how to swear in anything but Atavarian.”

“And their version of swearing is more insulting your intelligence in the most dispassionate way possible,” I giggled at the memory. “Why then?”

“Because you were this innocent, bright spot. Where I’d been living? Innocence was quickly destroyed, including my own,” he swallowed. “I think I wanted to hold onto yours because I missed mine.”

I glanced down at his leg, where the ravages of the fire that took one side of his face and one of his arms were still evident.

He kept the sheet covering that leg, even when the rest of our bodies were uncovered, but I never got the impression it was out of fear or shame.

More out of habit, that the sight of it was reprehensible to others.

I wanted to show him that no part of him was unloved by me, I wanted to know all of him. That’s why I reached out and gripped the sheet, glancing up at him for permission. He swallowed again, his fingers stilled on my hip and nodded.

I drew it back and saw the red and white streaks on his skin, along with small discs that were likely blocking some of the pain he might have from the injury.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he whispered.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“No, not unless the pain blockers are interrupted.”

The scars went down past his knee but also a bit around his hip. I reached out and waited for him to nod again before I traced the scars with my fingers. They were raised and rough in places, smooth in others. I avoided the small discs, not wanting to cause him discomfort.

“You never told me about the fire,” I said, “and you don’t have to now if you don’t want to. I just need you to know that I love every part of you. There’s not a single part of your body or soul that I wouldn’t burn down the galaxy to protect and love.”

He captured my hand and kissed my cybernetic fingertips one at a time, loving the parts of me others sometimes found off putting, just like I did with him.

It squeezed my heart in the best way and I longed to wipe out all the memories of anyone who had ever made him feel less than perfect.

Sherrod was silent for long enough that I thought he didn’t want to answer my question, which was fine.

But when he started to speak, his voice was rough.

“My father was a gun runner for several of the syndicates. It made our family wealthy, prestigious. He became Prime Minister of a colony planet on the edge of GUP space. Image was everything to him. We were taught at an early age never to shame the family, that keeping us all safe and prosperous was the most important thing. But then the syndicate found out that my father had been skimming credits. They sent one of their assassins to burn our estate to the ground and kill all of us, make us an example to anyone else who would try to cheat them.”

He stopped and swallowed several times before continuing. I wanted to hold him so badly, but I also didn’t want to interrupt his story. When he started to speak again his voice was so hoarse and low that if I hadn’t had really good aural implants I doubt I would’ve heard everything.

“But they came on a night when my father and mother were at a dinner with the GUP delegates. I sometimes wonder if that had been on purpose, ya know? Kill us kids as the way to make them pay but who knows. When the fire started, it spread fast. I was asleep but I woke up to the yelling and the smoke. I could hear my sister’s screams in the next room, her nanny crying for help.

I tried to get out of my room, but the door…

it was so hot. When I finally got it open, the hallway was engulfed in flames.

But my sister…she was so sweet and young, I needed to get to her.

So I ran through the fire, hoping that if I was quick enough I could avoid getting burned.

I didn’t. It was the most pain I’d ever felt, to this day.

And I tried to move, to pat it out but it just made it spread.

I never got to my sister, but I heard her burn to death as I lay there on the floor, praying for my own death.

When I dream about it…there’s always someone standing over me, holding me down.

But I think that’s just the trauma talking.

There was someone there that night, but they saved me, they didn’t hurt me.

I don’t remember them though, only waking up in the burn unit with my mother not able to look at me. ”

“Oh Sherrod, I’m so sorry.”

“I thought that getting the cyber implants would help. I wouldn’t have all these burns on my face and arm, I could get a lifelike eye to replace the one I’d lost. But…

it was like it was even worse with the cybernetics than it had been without them.

My father beat me with his belt and then turned me out with a hundred credits and ticket on a freighter leaving that night.

Told me to never set foot on the planet again. ”

I did hug him then, cradling his head against my shoulder.

“I wish I could take the pain of it away,” I whispered.

“You do. Being with you makes me feel…whole.”

“You deserved better than what he did to you,” I looked him in the eyes, “you know that, right?”

I saw something break in his eyes at those words and he looked away from me. I let him go as he sat up and turned a little away from me.

“You don’t know all the things I’ve done.

The dark places inside of me. I never told you any of the things the commander had me do, or what I’ve done since.

If you did…you might not think that I deserved better.

Sometimes, I think that my father saw something evil in me, something dark. And that’s why he rejected me.”

I moved behind him, much like I had on the night he had the nightmare. Only this time we were in bed, and I was on my knees so I could wrap my arms around his shoulders and press kisses to neck.

“You think I somehow survived with my innocence intact?” I asked, pressing my cheek to his upper back as I held him. “If we were to compare, whose soul do you think would be the darkest?”

Sherrod let out a long breath and took my cyber hand in his before pressing a kiss to the palm. The sensors that allow me to feel in that hand sent cool tingles through my body and I held him tighter with my other arm.

“I’ve done things too,” I continued. “Made choices that made me sick, all for the greater good of a government that wouldn’t even let me serve out in the open.

I’m one of their dirty little secrets, a Cyborg agent, the child of a murdered diplomat’s wife.

t I was left off the official report of my teams’ death, did you know that?

I wasn’t even invited to the memorial because I would’ve made the families of my team uncomfortable.

I can spill my blood for them, risk my life, but I will never, ever, be anything other than something they’re ashamed of. ”

My throat grew tight and I had to stop talking or I knew I’d burst into tears and I was done with crying.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, “they’re idiots.”

“They are,” I agreed with a watery smile, “but my point is that my hands aren’t clean.

So I don’t care what you’ve done, only how it affects you.

If you think you need to tell me, so I know what I’m getting into, don’t bother.

It won’t make a difference to me. But if you need to talk about it to heal, I will listen to every moment, and at the end, help you remember how much I love you. ”

He took in a jagged breath and turned so he could bring me to his lap. I wrapped myself around him, holding on tight as his shoulders shook and he poured out the bile from wounds inflicted over a lifetime.

“I don’t deserve you,” he murmured against my shoulder.

I drew back and took his face in my hands, wiping the tears away with my thumbs.

“You do. You deserve so much more than you got.”

“And so do you.”

“Well then,” I said with a tiny smile, “I guess we can give that to one another for the rest of our lives.”

“For the rest of our lives,” he agreed, pressing a soft kiss to my mouth.

He tasted like hope and light, a future that had possibilities and life. I clung to him, my arms and legs tight as our kisses quickly turned hungry. Sherrod’s hands clutched and kneaded my body with a possessive desperation that quaked through me straight to my core.

“I need you,” he panted against my throat. “Are you too sore?”

“No. I’m too empty without you, I need…I need you to fill me.”

He groaned, ducking his head so he could devour my breasts. My entire body lit up, filled with the bright dawn of love from the man who had waited so long for me.