Page 96 of Rock Bottom Girl

Okay. That was a lot different from my high school days. Everything everyone did back then was for the approval of other people.

“Wait, wait, wait.” I waved a hand in the air and then pointed at Natalee. “You’re telling me you don’t spend forty minutes every morning on your hair and makeup to look good for boys?”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t even know where to begin with that erroneousness.”

I wondered if erroneousness was a word.

“First of all, it’s closer to an hour. Looking my best makes mefeelmy best. Guys don’t notice whether you have a smokey eye or the right shade of lip liner. They notice when you’re confident. Which serves a two-fold purpose,” Natalee instructed.

“If you’re confident,” Ruby said, popping up in the aisle, “you’re more attractive and interesting, and it’s harder for assh—jerks to mess with you.”

“True story,” Angela agreed. “If you’re confident, you’re not an easy victim.”

I had a blinding and horrible flashback of my entire high school career compressed into one montage of victimology. I felt a little sick.

“Where are you guys learning this stuff?”Was there a new class that schools started teaching after I graduated? And could I audit it?

“On the gram,” Morgan E. announced.

“The gram?”

“Instagram. You know, ‘doin’ it for the gram’? Hashtag true self. Hashtag beautiful you.”

“Instagram. YouTube. They’re full of role models. You want to learn to contour your face? How to get the best clothes haul at Target for back-to-school? How to respond to bullies without losing your soul? It’s all there,” Natalee said.

The rest of the girls nodded.

“Basically, we’ve been talking, and we think you can do better,” Morgan E. said, laying a hand on my shoulder.

Vicky snored.

“Better than Jake?” I asked.

Their raucous laughter woke Vicky. “Whaz happening? Whaz going on?”

“We’re making over coach,” one of the girls explained.

“Oh, thank God. I was going to start stuffing makeup samples in her gym bag,” Vicky announced.

“Not better than Mr. Weston,” Phoebe clarified to me. “Thereisno better than Mr. Weston. Better than what you’re doing now for yourself.” She bounced on the seat and grinned at the rest of the girls. “Sooooooo…”

“You’re going to meet us at Ulta Saturday morning, and we’re making you over,” Natalee finished, clapping her hands.

Libby poked her head up between two of the girls. “Did someone say Ulta? I have coupons.” She grinned wickedly.

My phone buzzed in my lap.

Jake: I’m taking your silence as a “Yes, Jake, I’d love to go to the bonfire with your handsome face and hot body. I’m looking forward to it so much that I’m going to buy you a present just for inviting me.”

“I think she should get a haircut,” one of the girls said, pulling my brown, blah, nothing-special tresses out of their ponytail prison.

“I’ve got a board on Pinterest with some potential styles.”

“Oooh, let me see,” Vicky demanded. “Do you think she could pull off bangs?”

42

Marley