Page 150 of Rock Bottom Girl

“A rumor?”Amie Jo.Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’d adhered to a punishment that hadn’t even been real.

Coach Vince elbowed his way past us. He kicked at a fire hydrant and then howled in pain.

There was a hard glint in her eye. “I’m going to admit that it gives me a small sliver of pleasure to take something away from that gigantic ass.”

“I can’t imagine why,” I said dryly.

“Just do me a favor and don’t screw it up,” Principal Eccles said.

I nodded and swallowed hard.

She paused. “Oh, by the way, thank you for volunteering to chaperone the dance.”

“I did what now?”

She gave me a knowing smile. “Ask Jake. He volunteered the two of you to chaperone the Homecoming dance.”

I had several more important questions for her, but the dismissal bell rang, and hundreds of excited students came flooding toward us. We’d made it past lunch. The school day counted and wouldn’t have to be made up. I’d initially felt the residual excitement of the students at an unexpected surprise afternoon off. But the damn New Holland Buglers had stolen that excitement from me.

It would take a miracle to beat them. And we had a week to figure out exactly what that miracle would look like. And a week to find a stupid Homecoming dress.

* * *

Coach Cicero: Okay, gang. Breaking news. Our home game Friday is the new Culpepper Homecoming.

Phoebe: Awesome!

Morgan E.: I’m wearing my tux to play!

Ruby: Wait a second. Friday? We’re playing the Bulging Buglers. They’ll murder us and paint their faces with our blood while everyone else is too depressed to go to the dance.

Angela: Crap.

Natalee: I think I’m coming down with something. *Cough cough cough*

Ashlynn: Guys, we’ve been winning this season. There’s no reason we can’t beat the Bugling Bastards.

Sophie S.: Are you drunk right now, Ashlynn? We’ve never beat New Holland. Not in the entire history of girls soccer in Culpepper.

Libby: First time for everything.

Coach Cicero: That’s the spirit.

Morgan W.: Coach is drunk.

Natalee: Coach and Ashlynn are drunk!

Coach Cicero: Excuse me. This is how people get fired, jerks. I AM NOT DRUNK. NOR AM I FURNISHING ALCOHOL TO MINORS.

Sophie P.: Who is Coach yelling at?

Libby: Big brother.

Ruby: Coach has a big brother?

Libby: No, whoever supervises this message board to make sure no one does anything inappropriate or illegal.

Sophie S.: We’re being watched??? *Deletes entire collection of duck lip selfies*