Page 9 of Right Where You Left Me

Emma

“ W hat do you think about this one?”

I look over at my mother who is currently sifting through an entire shelf full of cat figurines.

We decided to go thrifting today on my day off, and I guess that actually meant ‘help my mom find her thirtieth fucking ceramic cat’.

I’m honestly shocked that there are so many here to even choose from.

I guess my mom isn’t the only person who would decorate their home with tiny, breakable felines.

“I don’t know, Mom. That one kind of looks like five of the ones you already have.”

She lets out a tiny distressed noise and I try not to laugh. “Mom, if you like it, get it.”

She puts the one she was holding down gently and lets out a heavy sigh. “How am I supposed to choose?” That’s when I lose the fight and laugh. She rolls her eyes at me. “Emma Gale, help me or go walk around and leave me to it.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, I’ll help. I like that one.” I say pointing to a tiny black cat lying on its back. It has a ball of dark green yarn balanced in its paws.

“Hm. Maybe.” My mom says with another dramatic sigh.

“Oh my God, Mom. Why even ask me to help?!” I say, lifting my hands in defeat. “I’m going to walk around while you pick. I’ll meet you up front.”

She waves me off, barely paying attention to me now. That woman and her fucking cats. Why couldn’t it have been gardening or I don’t know, a knitting group or something. But, I guess whatever makes her happy.

I wander around for a bit, grabbing a cute hand-painted floral mug I come across, and wait for my mom at the check out. She isn’t far behind me with an arm full of tiny kittens, and wouldn’t you know it, the one I pointed out made the cut.

“All set? You sure you didn’t leave any behind on the shelf back there?” I ask as she gently sets each cat down on the counter, inspecting every one again as she does.

“You are in a mood today, Emma.” My mom huffs as she does one last count of her figurines before paying. “I do not appreciate this attitude. I just wanted to have a nice day with my daughter, and instead I’m spending it with the sixteen-year-old version of her.”

“I’m not in a mood.” I mutter under my breath.

“You are. You’re surly and unpleasant. I thought we were going to have a nice girl’s day and you’ve been moping about and whining over everything.”

Ugh, why am I letting my emotions be in control of me today. She’s right, I’m being annoying. I twirl the hem of my shirt with my fingers and stare at the cashier as they wrap up my mom’s cats. “I’m just tired.” I lie.

“Thank you, hun.” My mom says, grabbing her bag and her card from the cashier. “Well, then let’s get going.” She says, turning her attention back to me.

The sun is shining bright and warm when we walk back outside and I try to let it soak into me.

We won’t have many days like this left as we get further into fall.

I let the sun kiss my face and I try to let the past few weeks of being either ignored or snapped at by Sage roll off of me, but I can’t.

After the disaster last night where I felt like I was forcing myself back into her life, into her new group of friends, I am feeling off .

I feel disjointed and like I’m just kind of floating around without a tether.

I shouldn’t let it get to me like his, but I’m having a really hard time letting it go.

“Emma.” My mom says softly. “Honey, what is it?”

My eyes burn at the concern in my mom’s voice.

She doesn’t know what happened with Sage before.

I never told her what happened, just that we grew apart.

She would push to get it out of me, saying people who had been friends for as long as we had don’t just grow apart.

But, I never gave in and admitted anything.

I kept to my story. I know she knows there’s more to it.

She’s too intuitive not to. I’m honestly surprised she never managed to get me to spill.

“Sage just hasn’t been very happy that I’m back.” I murmur. “It’s made things kind of tense at work. It would have been nice to have a warning ahead of time, by the way, that Piper owned the cafe.”

“Honestly, Emma. I would have told you, but it’s not like I know why you and Sage aren’t getting along.

Why would I have said anything?” She says, pulling me to a stop.

“Do you want to talk about it? Let’s grab lunch and you can tell me everything that’s been going on and maybe we can figure out a solution together. ”

I huff a laugh. “I don’t think there’s a solution we can find that easily mom, but yes. Lunch sounds great.”

Cedar Falls is not a large town. Sure we have a few bars and a couple nice boutiques dotted along Main Street. It’s been blooming with new small businesses here and there over the years. But, we only have two sit-down restaurants. Piper’s cafe and Ray’s , the local diner.

“Can we go to Ray’s ?”

My mom rolls her eyes at me and scoffs. “Honey, even if we weren’t going to talk about whatever your problem with Sage is, I wouldn’t drag you to your place of employment for a nice lunch. Who do you think I am?”

She settles in the passenger seat of my car, gently setting her bag at her feet and filling the drive full of her friendly gossip about the other older women in town. I nod along and park as close to the diner as I can, helping my mom out and into the booth we’re given once we get inside.

She wastes no time and the second we’re seated and have our drinks she’s on me. “So, Sage isn’t being nice?”

I mull that over. It isn’t that she’s not being nice to me, I would take mean words at this point.

It’s just like she’s determined to pretend I don’t exist. That she wants to interact with me as minimally as she possibly can.

She hates me so much that she blatantly wishes I wasn’t here and isn’t shy about showing it.

And something about Sage hating me, just doesn’t sit well with me. It makes me feel, unsettled. I need to fix things, I just don’t know how.

“I wouldn’t say that.” I sigh. “It’s mostly that she doesn’t want me here, and she has zero issues showing me that.” And I hate it.

“You never did tell me what happened between you two.” She says taking a sip of her iced tea.

“You used to be inseparable. Your dad and I always joked that if we found one of you, the other wasn’t far.

Two peas he called you two. And then one day you call me crying that you two had a fight and aren’t friends anymore.

” She gives me that look that only my mother can and grabs my hand softly.

“What happened, Emma? I know there’s more to it than that. ”

“It’s a long story, Mom.” I mutter and stare down at our clasped hands, hers wrinkled and spotted with age.

My heart squeezes in my chest. She’s been there for me my entire life, always supported me in what I wanted to do and never once made me feel bad for it.

When I told her I was gay she didn’t even bat an eye and she asked me what she could do to make this new transition in my life easier.

I want to tell her, to talk to someone about this.

It’s festering inside me now. For thirteen years I’ve kept that night to myself, afraid that if I spoke about it that it would mean more than I wanted it to.

I already know that those feelings I felt back then meant something.

But if I talk about it, if I voice what I did— I’ll just be solidifying that I fucked her over.

That I wronged her. I was just a stupid twenty-one-year-old who didn’t know how to handle my feelings.

It was easier to brush them all deep down and never think about it again.

But, she’s asking now and it might feel good to tell her, at least the bare bones of what happened.

“We have the time, Emma.” My mom says softly. “Just, take a deep breath, get your thoughts together and tell me what you’re comfortable sharing.”

I nod. “Yeah, okay.” I shift in my seat and meet her eyes.

“Sage and I were at a college party, senior year. Finals were coming up, and she had heard one of our friends was throwing some ‘de-stress’ party and she thought it would be fun. We had too much to drink. Don’t give me that look mom.

” She rolls her eyes at me, but stays quiet so I can continue.

“It was late into the night and I needed some air so Sage led me out onto the balcony of whoever’s apartment it was, and things happened. ” I mumble out that last part.

“Things?” Her eyes widen slightly as she sips at her tea. “What does that mean?”

“She kissed me.”

She puts her iced tea down and stares at me.

“She kissed me, Mom. And I— I didn’t know what was happening at first. I started kissing her back and then, well I panicked and in the thick of it I ruined everything.

” Tears burn my eyes and I try to swallow the knot in my throat.

“It felt— it made me feel things I didn’t know how to handle and I got scared and before she could do anything I told her to forget it happened and I was so embarrassed and confused that I stopped talking to her.

I couldn’t face her again after that, I didn’t know what to say or how to act around her. ”

“Oh, honey.” My mom sighs.