Page 30 of Right Where You Left Me

Sage

A ll I want to do is rot in my bed. I want time to pass, and I want it to pass while I lay here and wallow and do nothing except listen to heartbreak playlists and soak in my misery underneath my comforter.

I unfortunately don’t have the pleasure of doing that because I have a tiny twenty-three-year-old pressed into my side, scrolling on her phone and humming to my music, and a massive pain in the ass sprawled out at the foot of my bed.

These two fucks have been here all morning and won’t leave me alone.

I shift my foot and kick River in the kidney. He grunts, but stays put. “Can you both kindly fuck off? How is the shop running if the two of you are here?”

“I cancelled all our appointments for the weekend and closed the shop. Said we had a family emergency.”

I bolt upright. “Oh my God. River.”

He looks at me confused. “What…?”

“Their deposits? Oh my fuck. Did you give them their deposits back? And Peyton, please tell me you got them all rebooked.”

“Sage, I’m so glad to see life in you that I’m not even offended that you think we’re that incompetent. Of course we gave their deposits back and rebooked them.” River drawls.

“Okay.” I take a deep breath. “That’s— that’s good.”

“Now that we have your attention,” Peyton starts, “would you like to talk about why you haven’t left your bedroom since lunchtime yesterday?”

“I’m sure you are well aware of what happened.”

I can feel the look they exchange without even seeing it.

“Would you like to tell us your side of things?” Peyton says softly. “All we know is that River found Emma crying and that you guys broke up.”

“You want to know what happened?” My voice goes up an octave and I can feel myself vibrating.

“What happened is I sat through the most awkward lunch of my entire life. Where I sat there and watched Emma and her ex-husband pal out and laugh and touch and just— just be all coupley. I know Emma thinks she wants to be with me. But I know what I saw. The two of them should be together. They clearly are still a unit. And I was just there, a third fucking wheel on a date with my girlfriend. All my worst fears were confirmed and I had all the proof I needed. I ended things before she could be the one to hurt me.”

“That is fucking bullshit, Sage.” River snaps, “and you know it is.”

He sits up to look me in the eyes. I jolt a little because River rarely ever gets angry. I think I’ve only heard him raise his voice once and it was to talk over a rude client.

“It is not!” I say defensively. “You didn’t see them together!”

“No, I didn’t.” He agrees. “But I did see the wreckage you left of that girl when you locked her out and left her alone in the living room. She was broken , Sage. I honest to God thought she was injured when I walked in that door.”

I let out a wounded sound. Emma. I didn’t want her to be broken, I just know what she needs. And it isn’t this… it isn’t me. No matter how much we want it to be.

“Well, it’s for the best.” I say woodenly.

“For the best.” Peyton echoes, but the words sound hollow. She nudges River with her foot, the two of them have a silent conversation that I’m sure they rehearsed before coming in here.

River leans into my space, his eyes hard, and it’s jarring enough to see him this angry with me that I swallow down the sarcasm I was about to lash at him. “What?” I say instead.

“You used your past as a weapon to hurt her because you were feeling vulnerable and you didn’t like it.”

“No I?—”

“You did. You were being dense and you invalidated Emma’s sexuality, all because you were feeling uncomfortable and worried and you lashed out at the one person who you shouldn’t have.

Emma cares about you, anyone with fucking eyes can see that.

And I know you care about her too or else you wouldn’t be this torn up over what’s-his-fuck.

She told you how she felt. She told you that you could trust her.

And then you threw it back in her face and you really hurt her.

” He looks around my room, collecting his thoughts before he says, “You know that I am Team Sage, but I’m Team Emma on this one.

You fucked up, Sagey. You need to fucking fix it. ”

“Sage.” Peyton says, her head landing softly on my shoulder as she snuggles in closer.

“I understand where you’re coming from. Why you feel so upset and why you lashed out.

I get it, okay? But I have never seen two people look at each other the way you two do.

I honestly get jealous whenever I see you guys together.

You have this special connection that people would kill for.

And I think that if you let her go, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. ”

“That was very wise, Peyton.” I say softly.

She hums. “If you guys would listen to me from time to time you’d already know that I always know what I’m talking about.” She pulls my arm into a tiny hug and continues. “If you want Emma back, if you don’t want to actually be broken up, you need to apologize. And you need to grovel .”

“Oh yes, you definitely need to grovel.” River agrees.

I sigh. “I do want her back.” My words are soft, whispered almost. Like if I say them too loudly it will make it impossible.

“I want her more than anything, but after what I said and how I acted.” I shrug helplessly.

“I don’t think she’s going to forgive me.

I was cruel, guys. I—” I choke on a stilted sob.

“I was so mean to her. Fuck.” My hands tug at my hair.

“It’ll be a miracle if she forgives me.”

“I don’t know, Sage. She didn’t seem like she was going to give you up that easily.” River says softly. “But you know what? There’s only one way to find out. You need to tell her you’re sorry and fucking mean it.”

I nod. I can do that. I can show her how sorry I am, that I’ll never hurt her again. I just need to figure out a way to get her to talk to me. “You guys will help?”

“Of course we will.” Peyton says. “We love you, Sage. Even when you’re a massive cunt.”

I choke on a laugh. “Alright. I think I know what I need to do. We need to reopen tomorrow though, no more moping and losing money.” I try to say lightly.

They’re right, I’m not going to solve anything laying around and feeling sorry for myself. I need to fix this.

I’m going to get my girlfriend back.

I let out a heavy sigh as I climb the brick steps that lead up to Piper’s front door.

My feet feel like lead, my entire body does if I’m being honest. It feels like I have the worst hangover of my life, but I didn’t drink anything last night.

Even though I really fucking wanted to. I didn’t deserve to let myself drown out my misery, not after the horrible shit I said to Emma.

I knock on the door before letting myself inside and announcing my arrival, tossing my shoes to the side of the entryway and walking toward the kitchen where I can hear Hank messing around with the boys.

“That is perfect form, Tyler.” Hank says, watching over him as he roughly chops up vegetables with one of those plastic kitchen knives made for kids.

He’s got his little hand gripping the handle of his knife tightly, his other fist holding onto a carrot as he chops at it.

His little tongue poking out as he concentrates on his task.

His brothers are chasing each other around their kitchen table and I just soak it all in.

The laughter and warmth. I want it to make me feel better the way it always does when I come over here, but it isn’t working tonight.

Hank notices me and lifts a hand in greeting while he checks on whatever he’s got going in the oven.

It smells delicious, and I know that it will be.

Hank is a great cook, always has been. “Aunt Saggy’s here.

” He calls out to the littles, who immediately change direction and run at me, each grabbing onto one of my legs.

“You made it!” Brody screeches, squeezing me tighter.

“I did.” I say walking with them still suctioned to me and flopping down in one of the kitchen table chairs. “Why wouldn’t I have been here?”

“Mommy said you were sad and might not.” He says shrugging his little shoulders. My heart squeezes in my chest and I scoop him up from his death grip on my leg to give him a hug.

“I am sad, but this makes me feel better.” I say, kissing the side of his hair.

He reaches his little hands up to squish my cheeks together and stares at me. “Do you want to go see my monster trucks, Aunt Saggy?”

“I absolutely do.”

He grabs my hand and I follow behind him and Dylan as they drag me to their bedroom. I wave a hand in acknowledgement when Hank calls out that dinner will be ready in twenty minutes and smile as the little boys I love more than anything giggle away while we zig-zag down the hallway.

They shove me into their bedroom where a line of monster truck toys lay on the floor. It looks like they arranged them by size and color. I let out a low whistle and squat down. “These are really cool, dudes. You have more than the last time I saw them.”

Dylan leans down and plucks one from the line up and hands it to me. “Mommy buys me trucks when I’m sad. You can have that one, Saggy.”

I clear my throat, emotion clogging it as I stare down at the neon blue and orange truck in my hand. “Thanks, bud.” I manage to get out. “I feel better already.”

I help them pull out their car track and we play some game they made up that involves a lot of car crashing until Hank calls us in for dinner.

Piper is dishing food onto plastic plates for the kids when we walk into the dining room and I help her out while all the boys settle into their seats. “You made it.” She says softly, knocking into my side. “You doing okay?”

I shake my head, plopping a scoop of the baked pasta Hank made onto the plate in front of me before adding salad and handing it to Tyler. “Can we talk about it later?” I mutter as I hand off the next kid’s plate.