Page 1 of Right Where You Left Me

Emma

D ivorced .

I’m getting divorced.

The word plays on repeat in my head like some sort of twisted chant as I stare at nothing, standing in the spare bedroom turned office.

It feels so surreal. With the movement of a pen, my entire life will change.

The papers on the desk in front of me are just sitting there waiting for me to sign them.

The papers that will legally untie me from Liam.

It’s a weird feeling, to be separating from a relationship when no one did anything wrong.

There’s no bad blood, no scorned party. We still love each other, just, not in the way I thought we did when we were twenty-four.

The way married people should love each other.

It’s nine years later and I can confidently say, I’m a lesbian.

I sigh and grab the pen laying next to the stack of papers waiting for my signature. A few strokes of ink and a lot of tears later, the paperwork is done and I am effectively single. For the first time in ten years.

I swallow down the slight panic building in my throat and stuff the papers in the envelope from my lawyer, tuck it under my arm, and mosey downstairs to the kitchen where Liam is sitting at our island with a cup of coffee in his hands.

His shoulders are slumped as he stares unseeingly at the counter.

His blonde curls are a tangled mess and it looks like he’s been running his hands through them.

“Hey.” I say, clearing my throat softly. I give him a small smile when he looks up at me, his red-rimmed, gray eyes shining slightly in the light.

“Hey, Em.” He says back just as softly. He’s been so amazing during this whole process.

I wouldn’t have blamed him for lashing out, for being upset with me.

But no, in true Liam fashion, the man was nothing but understanding.

We cried together, talked it all out, and he told me that no matter what he would be there for me.

That he’s always going to be. He’s my best friend and it makes it easier to start this new phase of my life knowing that I still have him to lean on.

“Um. So. I signed the papers.” I say, holding them up awkwardly.

He nods and looks back down at his mug, the steam still wafting from it making his eyes shine even more.

Or it could be the same stinging, unshed tears that are in mine too.

“That’s great. Yeah, great.” He says clearing his throat.

“You can just leave them here on the counter and I’ll make sure to mail them back to the lawyers. ”

I nod. “Yeah, alright.” I shift my weight from foot to foot.

I hate this. I never wanted to hurt him.

He’s one of my favorite people in the entire world, regardless of the fact that our marriage can’t work out.

We met at pastry school in Pittsburgh, and when we started dating it felt good.

Great, even. We built a whole life here in Pittsburgh and I didn’t even really think there was anything missing. But, there was.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper into the tense silence surrounding us. “I’m so sorry, Liam.”

His eyes shoot up to meet mine at that. “Don’t you dare.” He says firmly. “Do not apologize to me again about this. You didn’t do anything wrong, Emma. Nothing.”

“But, I’m hurting you.” I say and a tear I was trying not to shed falls. I swipe it away quickly, but more keep coming.

“Oh, Em.” He says and quickly stands, his strong arms wrapping around me.

He’s a tall guy, a little over 6’ and at 5’1”, my head hits his sternum.

It makes for the best hugs. “I’m going to be fine, okay?

I’m just sad. I love you, ya know. And I’m going to miss you, but I’m so happy for you.

You’re going to live your truth and I’m still in your corner.

Just because we aren’t married anymore doesn’t mean that I’m no longer your best friend. I’m always going to have your back.”

I sniffle and lean into his comforting touch. “You’re my best friend too, Liam. Thank you.”

He hums and rubs a hand down my back. “Alright, well. Coffee’s made, I’ll whip up some breakfast and then we should probably finish packing.”

I nod against his chest before pulling back and wiping my eyes. “Yes. Right. Will you make your fancy French toast?”

“Of course.” He says with a smile. “But then you’re going to be on tape duty. I hate dealing with packing tape.”

“You’re ridiculous.” I say, letting out a genuine laugh. And it feels good. Healing. To be laughing with him about this. Like it proves that we will be okay.

Liam’s French toast is so fucking good, and after eating my weight in the stuff we start building boxes and packing up what’s still left of our belongings.

We decided to sell the house and it’s going on the market this weekend. Just five days to get our lives packed and ready to go on their separate ways, like us.

“You’re going to be okay going back home?” He asks cautiously. “You know I don’t mind if you want to stay at my new place with me for a while. It’s a two bedroom apartment, I was going to make one an office, but?—”

I cut him off. “No. I’ll be fine, I promise. It’s not like I’m moving back to Bumfuck, America. It’s just Ohio.”

He gives me a look that has me laughing. “What?”

“It’s Ohio, Emma.”

“It’s not that bad.” I say defensively. My hometown may be a tiny little midwestern town, but it’s home.

“It’ll just be a small adjustment living there after getting used to living here in the city.

And I may not know anyone back home anymore, but I’ll make new friends.

I’m hopeful. And it’ll be good to stay with my mom, you know I worry about her now that she’s getting older.

Especially now that my dad’s gone… I’ll feel better knowing that I’m there with her.

And, who knows, maybe I’ll find my new dream home there. ”

He blinks slowly at me, his eyebrow raised in disagreement.

“It’ll be fine.” I say again reassuringly. “It’s going to be better than fine. It’ll be a new adventure.”

“If you’re sure.” He says with a soft smile. “We’re going to miss you here at the patisserie though.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. How ever will you all survive with just your baking skills alone?”

He shoves me playfully and we spend the rest of the day reliving our favorite memories together and getting the rest of our belongings in boxes.

We order pizza and drink wine all night.

And in the morning, when I’ve loaded up my car with my suitcases and a few small things I need before my stuff can be shipped to my mom’s house, I cry on Liam’s shoulder as he tells me how proud he is of me, and how much he’s going to miss me.

He tells me that I better keep him updated on my life there and we part ways with a hug, a kiss to the cheek, and just a few more tears.

The drive back to Cedar Falls from Pittsburgh takes about four hours, and with a pit stop for gas and essential snacks and a coffee, I make it to my mom’s house in just under five.

I park behind her old hatchback and stare at my childhood home.

The pale blue siding that my mom made my dad choose when a storm had blown through and ripped off a good portion of the old material.

The white shutters and matching door. My mom has her autumn leaf wreath hanging on it.

I sit and stare for a while, frozen in memories ,when there’s a knock on my window.

I jump and curse under my breath when I see my mother’s smug grin staring back at me.

“My baby!” She squeals when I open my car door and get out, immediately wrapped in a tight hug. I melt into her and inhale her familiar scent. She’s always smelled like sweet spices, I think from her favorite tea, but to me it smells like home.

“Hey, Mom.” I murmur, taking her in. We’ve always been told that I look like a carbon copy of her, but her honey brown hair is starting to streak with gray and her amber eyes are surrounded by smile lines.

It’s been a while since I’ve been home and seen her, but she’s looking good.

I feel a little guilty for not visiting her as much as I should have, but now I’m back and can make up for it.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” She says before pulling away and opening up my trunk. She starts unloading bags and gives me a pointed look to help her.

I chuckle and move into action, following her inside. We dump my stuff in my old room before we get settled in on the couch. “How was the drive in?” She asks, her head propped on her hand as we sit facing each other.

“Not bad, you know the drive isn’t that long. Talked to Liam for a lot of it.” I say softly.

“Oh, that sweet boy. How is he doing with… everything?”

“Surprisingly well.” I say and sigh. “He’s always been wonderful, so I’m not surprised. I’ll miss him.”

“Well, you know he’s always welcome here to visit.” She says and pats my thigh.

“I know.” My eyes wander around the room, taking in all the new and familiar things she’s decorated the space with.

My dad died five years ago and since he’s been gone, my mom has taken on a unique decorating style, to say the least. She says it’s her way of expressing her inner self .

“Mom, is that another cat figurine on your mantle?”

“Emma Gale, you leave my cats alone. They make me happy.” She says, narrowing her eyes and pointing a finger at me. “You have to admit they’re darn cute.”

Oh God, not middle naming me. I laugh. “So sorry to insult the cats Mom, but what does that make now, twenty of them? You have a problem.”

“I do not.” She says with a huff, but she’s smiling. “You look tired, hun. Why don’t you head up to bed and rest for a little bit. I’ll get dinner put together soon and holler up when it’s ready.”

I am tired, the heaviness of everything and the length of the drive getting to me, so I nod, kiss her cheek and head upstairs.