Page 39 of Reverse Pass

“No. It’s fine.”

“Violet…”

“We’re good, honestly.”

She’s so obviously lying that I feel insulted she thinks I’d believe it.

“Yeah?” I wrap my arm around her, splaying my fingers across her waist and I feel her stomach muscles tighten, and hear her breath stutter. “That’s what being good feels like?”

“Ben…” Her voice is half warning and half confusion.

“Tell me what’s wrong, so I can fix it.”

“You’re touching me,” she whispers.

I move away from her, removing my hand even though I hate the loss.

“We don’t normally,” she adds, her tone softening like she’s worried she’s offended me.

“We do all the time?” It’s my turn to be confused, because we’re always touching, tickling, joking and being stupid, all day most days if we’re in the same room together. I sleep in the same bed as her half the time.

“Not when we’re…alone.”

She’s right. It’s been a conscious move on my part.

“And you don’t want me to?”

She’s quiet, and as the silence drags on, I start to step back.

“Can I plead the fifth?” There’s a playfulness to her tone and I can tell she’s trying.

“You can, yeah.” I laugh a little, before I decide to press my luck. “But what if I want to confess?”

“Okay.”

“I think about touching you all the time. When we’re alone. When we’re not. Sometimes it’s all I can think about.”

“Why?”

I choke out a stuttered laugh at her question, I don’t mean to, but I can’t help it.

“Because you’re you, Vi.”

“I’m like a sister to you. I’m old. I’m not blonde. Is that true by the way, the blonde thing?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I hate whoever had that conversation outside her office today, because I can’t lie when I answer this.

“Because the only girl I ever had feelings for was a brunette, and I haven’t met the right redhead yet.”

A truth mixed with a lie is still honesty, right?

“And because you had feelings for a brunette once you can’t hookup with an entirely different brunette?” Her voice is laced with a tinge of disbelief and irony.

“I tried a couple times, but it always reminded me. I felt like an asshole for thinking about someone else while I was fucking someone new.”