Page 51 of Revealing Mark

I chewed my lip thoughtfully. “I’m not ready to face them yet.”

My mom was trying not to take sides, which had only made me angrier. Matthew was clearly in the wrong but she still saw merit in his concerns. She had been trying to play peacemaker but I wasn’t having any part in it. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to brush this over as brotherly concern. If I didn’t stand up for myself now, he would always feel like it was okay to tell me what to do.

My father had told Matthew to apologize to me but he had refused. We were at an impasse.

I hadn’t heard a word from Mark since I had told him he wasn’t welcome in my apartment. There were moments I felt like I had been too harsh even if I had made the right decision to draw the line with him.

“Ah, come on. It’s not the same without you.”

“I can’t, Sophie. If I give in, he’ll do it again and I can’t have that. And if you think he won’t do this with you, you’re in for a rude awakening. He has to learn there are certain boundaries even he can’t cross.”

She sighed again. “Maybe you’re being a bit hard on him. He cares.”

“I’m sorry but I won’t change my mind on this.”

I wanted to ask about Mark but I held my tongue. I couldn’t allow myself to wonder how he was doing when I had made it clear to him that he had to keep his distance. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t still think about him and what had transpired between us.

I still wondered what happened to send him off the rails and into a bottle of whiskey, but I still had no idea what had caused it. Whenever my thoughts wandered to him, I made a point of thinking about something else.

If I was ever going to close the book on my feelings for him, I couldn’t allow myself to think about him.

“Even Mark was moody after you left.”

I cradled the phone and listened intently. “Moody?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. Hearing I had affected him in any way was too much to pass up.

I hadn’t told Sophie about the night I had gone to check on him or the fact we had slept together. My feelings were too raw for the judgment of someone outside of us. My sister was always understanding but I didn’t want to hear about how much she thought he liked me. It was the last thing I needed to hear.

A reality check was what I needed. I wasn’t a teenager allowed to dream of things that had no place in the real world. Carrying feelings for someone who couldn’t love me back was a one-way road to heartache.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen him like that.”

I wondered if it had more to do with whatever was going on that he wouldn’t talk about than my swift departure. It was on the tip of my tongue to mention something to Sophie but I stopped myself. If I told her about that, it would lead to revealing other things I wasn’t ready to do yet.

“Maybe there is something going on with him,” I murmured, hoping my sister would move on to another subject.

“Yeah, you.”

“I doubt it,” I heard myself saying noncommittedly. There had been a time I would have given anything for him to feel something for me and now I knew it would never be possible.

There was something in his upbringing that made it impossible for him to be in a healthy relationship. Would knowing about it sooner have dimmed my feelings for him? The answer was nothing would have changed all the hopes and dreams I had pinned on him.

“We’ll see,” she murmured cryptically, and I rolled my eyes.

She was still such a romantic and it shaded her outlook on everything. She was seeing what she wanted to, not necessarily what was actually going on.

“I don’t want to talk about him or Matt anymore. How’s Dad?” I asked.

I had only briefly spoken to him on the phone but he had made it clear he was on my side.

“He’s good. He gave Matt a good grilling.”

I smiled, knowing he had my back.

“I miss you,” she added.

“Why don’t you come over after Sunday lunch and we can hang out?” I offered, lying down on my sofa as I talked.

“That sounds like a great idea.”