Page 111 of Revealing Mark

“I’m going to go away more often if I get this when I come back,” he murmured teasingly.

He had no idea what I had been through in the last few days, the agonizing struggle between what I wanted most in the world and what I was prepared to do for him because of that love.

“You miss me?” he asked softly, and I nodded, unable to talk from the emotion clogging my throat.

He held me for a few minutes, allowing me the time to release him.

“I’m tired,” he said, rubbing his neck. “I traveled through the night to get back earlier.”

That warmed my heart but increased the pain of what was to come.

“Come.” I led him to the bed. He kicked his shoes off and shrugged out of his jacket, discarding it on the floor.

I switched the light off as he got into my bed beside me. Sleep was the last thing on my mind when his arms wrapped around me. He kissed my neck and I sighed. I had missed his touch.

That night, in the darkness, he made love to me with such sweet sincerity, I focused on every detail to store it in my memory as this would be the last time for us. It made every movement, touch and taste, sweeter than I had ever experienced before.

The pain and love balanced in such equal measure, it was only afterward that I allowed a few tears to drip down my face, hidden in the darkness as I listened to the steady breathing of the man I loved.

Tonight I would let myself love him like I never had before,without question, but in the morning when the sun rose I would have to do what needed to be done, for the both of us.

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Mark pulled me into his arms while he slept and I laid my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

I had been awake since four a.m. Mark had been peacefully asleep beside me, moaning and adjusting when I kept fidgeting. Finally accepting I wasn’t going to get any more sleep, I got up and made some coffee.

Three cups of coffee later, Mark wandered into the living room, dressed in sweats and nothing else. My heart jittered in my chest at the combination of the caffeine and the sight of his muscular physique. His hair was messed up and he had never looked more handsome.

“You’re up early,” he said when he touched a kiss to my cheek before heading into the kitchen to make coffee.

I let out a shaky breath while I tried to build the courage I needed.

He returned with coffee and sat down beside me. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked before sipping his coffee while lazing back in the sofa.

“The thing is, I haven’t slept well…since you left,” I began nervously, trying to find the right words to break it to him but knowing nothing was going to soften the blow. The only thing that kept me going was I was doing the right thing for him. I was putting him first, unlike everyone else in his life. He probably wouldn’t see it that way.

“Why?” he asked. “Do you feel safer when I’m here?”

I shook my head. “No, that’s not it. I worried about you.”

He cocked his head to the side and studied me. “It’s a dangerous job but I take controlled risks.”

Risk was the word that stuck with me, controlled fell by the wayside. He was taking risks everyday with his life.

“That’s the thing…” I set my coffee down and turned to face him. He frowned but I kept going, not allowing him to deter my path. “I know what you and my brother do is dangerous. When Matthew got shot, it turned my world upside down. I remembered the call and the fear he wasn’t going to make it.”

He nodded. He had been there.

We had come a long way from the start. We had worked through the lack of trust, crumbling the walls to allow each other in, and it would end with this.

“I don’t understand,” he murmured, sitting up straighter and putting his coffee down on the table.

“The last week, I haven’t been able to sleep, eat or relax. Not for a second.” It was like living in a nightmare from which there was no escape.

“But I’m here now, safe and sound,” he argued, reaching for me, but I pulled back.

“This time. But what about the next time and the time after that?” I shook my head. “I can’t live like this. It feels like I’m on guard all the time. I can’t think, I can’t work.”