Page 59 of Resisting the Temptation (Broken Shelves #3)

Emma

I ’m still reeling from last night. From Ben telling me he’s in love with me to the gentle way he… made love to me.

I can’t believe I called him “Daddy.”

I already knew the church gave me daddy issues, but I didn’t realize it would manifest by me using it in the heat of the moment.

But it didn’t feel weird. It felt… comforting.

It didn’t have anything to do with my dad, just a feeling of safety. Ben knows how to take care of me, and more importantly, that I can let him take care of me.

I don’t really understand it, but it pleased Ben, and I always want to please him.

Even if I’m fucking terrified after his declaration.

What does I feel like I’m in love with you, Emma even mean?

Does he just feel like he could love me? Or is he actually in love with me ?

Does being in love mean the same thing to him as it does to me?

Isn’t it too soon? I mean, it’s barely been two months. We hadn’t even kissed until last night!

God, that kiss.

My lips are still tingling from the possessive way he kissed me.

“I feel like I’ve been dying of thirst for years, and you’ve finally quenched it and brought me back to life.”

Jesus. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. That’s the kind of declaration made in romance novels and movies, not in real life to your fuck buddy.

I’ve barely slept. Mostly because my brain won’t shut the hell up and stop running around in circles trying to figure out what Ben means, then trying to figure out if I want to tell him how I feel. Then trying to decide if I want to just… run away from my feelings again.

I almost blurted it out when he asked how I was feeling last night. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words and risk rejection. I didn’t want him to think it was in the heat of the moment.

Like I’m wondering if his declaration was in the heat of the moment.

Part of me worries it was, but another part of me really wants to believe he means it. The little girl who was never loved how she deserves wants the kind of love he talked about—the kind of love she’s dreamt of all her life. An all-consuming love, but one that feels safe.

Can Ben really be that for me?

I mean, he kind of already is. The man has heard more of my trauma in the last week than anyone else—other than Jordan—and didn’t run for the hills. He met my family for Christ’s sake!

I snuck out of bed while he was sleeping so I could get ready and get a handle on all of my emotions before I’m stuck in the car with the man I’m in love with—who says he’s in love with me, too—for over ten hours.

Ben knocks on the bathroom door, and I let him in so he can get ready.

I try to sneak past him out the door before he can grab me, but he snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me in for a tight hug, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

The tender press of his lips makes me want to cry all over again.

“Good morning, Dulzura. I should be ready to go in ten.”

I nod against his bare chest, feeling his heartbeat under my cheek like I did last night when I was laying on him. It’s steady and calm and helps soothe some of my frayed nerves.

Ten minutes later, both of our bags are packed, and we’re making one last sweep of the hotel room before heading to the car.

“Can we make one last stop before we go?” I’ve been avoiding visiting Andy’s grave. It always feels like reopening a barely healed wound whenever I see his name engraved on the stone, but I don’t know when I’ll be back in Utah to visit.

“Andy?” Ben asks, and I gape at him.

“Uh, yeah. How did you know?”

“You haven’t asked, but I figured it would be important for you to visit him. I was going to ask if he was buried in the Cottonwood Heights cemetery so I could take you to see him before we left.”

It feels like my voice is filled with gravel as I confirm that’s where he’s buried. Ben plugs the address into his phone, and we drive there in silence. Ben holds my hand, and I try not to let it shake.

He thought about it—about me, about Andy.

About how important it would be for me to visit him.

What am I supposed to do with this man?

Marry him. The love starved girl in my head screams, and I have to ignore her.

He was supposed to be a grumpy asshole who only wanted to fuck, but he’s turned into a fucking love-struck, gooey sweetie pie who does things like hold my hand, kiss my forehead, and take me to visit my deceased brother.

We walk through the neatly trimmed grass of the cemetery towards a familiar pine tree in front of Andy’s grave. His headstone is framed with fallen pine cones, which means some of my nieces and nephews have been here recently.

His headstone is engraved with his name, his birth and death dates, the Denver Mustangs logo, and a depiction of snowy mountains and a pine tree.

I plop down in the cold, dead grass, and Ben sits next to me.

“Hey, big bro. Grandpa Monson died, and his funeral was yesterday. If there actually is an afterlife, I’m sure he’s already wrapped you into one of his death grips of a hug. Um,” I motion to the man next to me, “this is Ben. We’re—”

“Dating. I’m her boyfriend,” Ben interrupts and shoots me a wink.

I roll my eyes, even as my heart flutters .

Ben, to my utter shock, continues to talk to Andy like we’re in a bar talking to a real person and not the cold cemetery talking to a slab of marble.

“Heard a lot about you, man. But Emma didn’t mention you were a Mustangs fan. Did you know your cousin married a former player for the team? Morgan Fowler. Emma probably told you already.”

“I told him last year when I met Morgan the first time. Andy’s such a big fan he even had cans of promotional beer. My parents found some in his golf clubs last year.”

Ben laughs and shakes his head. “That’s awesome. Did you drink it?”

I shake my head. “It expired like two months before he died. I don’t know what alcohol does when it expires, but I wasn’t going to try it.”

“I don’t blame you.” He turns back to face Andy.

“Now, no one in your family asked me what my intentions with Emma are, so I’m just going to tell you.

Andy, I’m head over heels in love with your sister.

I’m going to marry her someday—if she lets me.

I’m going to get her pregnant—if it’s what she wants.

And I’m going to spend the rest of forever proving to her how much she deserves love.

I’m going to spend the rest of my life watching her shine. ”

My mouth drops open, and my cheeks heat. “That’s a bold declaration to a dead man you don’t even know.”

Ben shrugs. “It seems like he was the only family member who ever treated you well, so he’s the only one who gets to know my intentions. I’ll keep making declarations until it sticks in that gorgeous brain that I’m serious.”

“And you are? Serious? ”

With no hesitation he answers, “Yes. But if you don’t want to say it yet, that’s okay. I can wait.”

He says it so surely. Like he just knows I’m already completely gone for him. Like it’s not even a question of if I’ll say those three little words but when.

He’s right, of course. I do want to say them. But not in front of my brother’s grave.

“Thank you. For being patient with me,” I finally say.

He leans over and places a gentle kiss on my cheek. “Anything for you, sweetheart. Now, is there anything else you want to say to Andy? I can leave you alone for a bit if you need.”

I look down at Andy’s name etched into stone which will hopefully last forever, even if I’d rather him be here.

There are so many words I wish I could say to Andy in person.

I wish I could tell him how much I love him.

How sorry I am for how hard I pushed him to come back to church when I was younger, even though I was just following my mom’s directions.

I wish I could ask him more about his thoughts before he passed away.

I wish he were still here. I wish I knew why things ended the way they did. I wish I had answers.

But I don’t say anything like that—to Ben or my brother.

“No, I think we should get on the road. Love you, Andy.”

I pick up a stray pine cone sitting by me and leave it on his headstone, then Ben helps me up and holds my hand all the way to the car.

“How are you feeling?” he asks as we pull away from the cemetery .

“Ready to be home and go back to normal,” I admit, even though I don’t know what normal will look like after Ben’s declarations of love.

Ben was patient with me as I peppered him with questions in between bouts of complete silence while we drove.

“What brought on this sudden change of heart?”

“It wasn’t sudden. It’s been building for weeks now.”

“Are you in love with me or are you in lust?”

“If we never had sex again, I’d be happy to spend the rest of my days simply holding your hand. Sex is just a bonus.”

“What if your dad thinks one of us should quit because it’s a conflict of interest?”

“Then I would look for another job.”

On and on, I voiced every question and doubt I had, and he never once sighed at me or looked at me like I was exasperating. He never told me I was being ridiculous or dramatic.

The bricks I thought were firmly cemented around my heart crumbled to dust with every surety he gave me, and now I know without a shadow of a doubt I can trust him with my heart.

I just don’t know how to tell him.

We’re approaching Vegas when my phone rings, and my mom’s name flashes on the screen.

I really, really don’t want to answer, but I know she’ll just blow up my phone if I don’t.

“Put it on speaker,” Ben commands, and I do, even though I think this will end terribly.

“Hi, Mom.”

“I hope you plan on stopping to say goodbye before you leave. ”

“Ben and I left this morning. We’re driving straight through and wanted to get an early start.”

“Well, that’s rude of him to take you away before you said goodbye to your family. Do you even know the trouble he’s caused? Hailey’s demanding I cut you off for how he spoke to us.”

Ben rolls his eyes.

“She’s one to talk. Hailey’s more dramatic than my junior high production of Seussical, ” I grumble.

“Your little friend was rude. I don’t know why you’re even with him. You can’t possibly be okay being with a man that… aggressive. ”

“I’m with him because he’s an incredible man. And he wasn’t aggressive. He was standing up for me. Something no one else has done for me my whole life.”

“You don’t need standing up for! If you weren’t so sensitive or so—so— dramatic you wouldn’t find yourself in these situations. You can’t be the victim every time, Emma.”

“When it comes to Hailey’s poisonous tongue, I’ve always been the victim. You’ve never once protected me from her. Even when I was a child. The things she and Amanda were saying were so cruel, Mom. And you didn’t do anything. Not to mention Ian’s racist comments.”

Ben pulls off of the freeway and into a gas station.

My mom sniffs. “Well, were they wrong? You got yourself into that situation in high school. If you weren’t so careless, if you stayed true to the gospel, it wouldn’t have happened. If you hadn’t been so dumb to throw yourself at—”

Ben snatches the phone from my hand.

“Mrs. Price, I will not tolerate you talking to the love of my life like that. Until you’re ready to apologize, you will not contact her again.

” He stares directly into my eyes as he says, “I’m her family now—me and Jordan and her friends.

The ones who love her unconditionally and want to see her succeed.

I’ll protect her at all costs.” Then, he presses the red button to end the call and places my phone in the cupholder between us.

The silence in the car is only broken up by the sound of my breathing and the sounds trickling in from outside.

A car honks. People walk by, and their conversations carry on the wind. The gas station attendant’s tinny voice echoes over the speakers.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” Ben finally says, then steps out of the car, leaving me speechless.

I unbuckle myself to follow him, but he rounds the car and yanks open my door, leaning down until we’re face to face.

“Actually, I’m not sorry. Fuck your mom.

Fuck your entire immediate family. You should have cut them off much sooner, Emma.

But I know you want to keep the peace, and I’m sure cutting them off would have been hard to do all on your own, but you’re not alone now.

You have me. You have Jordan and Kiera and your other friends.

You have my family, and you have your cousins. ”

“Thank you for standing up for me twice in twenty-four hours.”

“Emma, it’s not a hardship to protect you, to love you. Please get it through your head. I’d do anything for you. ”

I push him back slightly so I can get out of the car. I reach up to clasp his face in my hands, and his stubble tickles my palms.

“I love you.”

Ben’s eyes widen, and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen breaks out on his face. “Say it again, Dulzura. Please . ”

“I love you, Benjamin Rossi. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’ll forever be grateful you’re the one who decided to stick around—to try. I didn’t want to do this in a gas station parking lot but—”

Ben wraps his arms around my waist and smashes his mouth against mine, cutting me off before I finish my sentence.

He’s done it a few times since our first kiss. I can’t say I mind.

We get lost in our kiss. Me wrapping my arms around his neck and him gripping my hips and pressing his growing erection into my belly.

“Get a room, lovebirds!” someone yells, and Ben and I break apart to see a gruff old man hobbling by with a cane shaking his head.

Ben waves to the older gentleman and turns back to me with a big smile, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

“In case it wasn’t glaringly obvious, Dulzura, I love you, too.”

“Does this mean you’re officially my boyfriend?” The label feels juvenile. Too inconsequential.

“You can call me whatever you want, as long as you call me yours.”