Page 45 of Resisting the Temptation (Broken Shelves #3)

Ben

W hen I wake up, I’m expecting to be cuddled to death by Emma, but she’s barely moved throughout the night.

She’s facing me, her brows pinched in a scowl and lips in a downward tilt, like she’s having a bad dream.

I check the time and see it’s almost eight o’clock in the morning—time to get on the road soon.

I use my thumb to smooth out the furrow between her eyebrows, gently tracing the curve of her lip and her perfect cupid’s bow.

I’m immediately brought back to last night when she begged me to kiss her. I can’t believe I had the strength to deny her. But we have to talk first. I have to be sure it wasn’t only a lust-induced haze that made her want it.

And if she does want it, I’m not just going to kiss her immediately. Her first kiss after four years needs to be at the right moment. Our first kiss together is the step towards forever I’ve been wanting .

At least, I hope it will be.

As I continue to lightly trace the face of the angel who’s stolen my heart, her blonde lashes flutter open, and she blinks her baby blue eyes at me. A soft smile graces her face before she quickly sits up.

“ Shit. What time is it?” She turns to grab her phone and checks the time, then her shoulder slump in relief. “Oh good. I thought it was much later.”

“We have time for breakfast before we hit the road. Then we should probably get gas. I don’t know how many gas stations are between here and Utah.”

“We’d be fine, but gas is probably a good idea. I was going to ask you yesterday, but would it be possible to make a pitstop when we cross into Utah?”

I shrug. “Sure. Where?”

“A little town called Gunlock. I try to make a point to stop and visit my grandparents’ graves when I come. It’s been a minute since I’ve visited.”

Jesus. How many people has this girl lost?

“Of course. Just tell me where to go.”

“Thank you, Ben. I really appreciate it.”

“No thanks needed. I’m happy to do it.”

After breakfast and getting gas, Emma puts on another playlist, and we’ve had a pretty quiet car ride. I think she’s back in her head about seeing her family and attending her grandpa’s funeral. I wish I could do something more to take her mind off of it.

When we pass over the border and get closer to St. George, my breath is taken away by all the red rock.

“Wow, Utah is stunning.”

“Yeah.” Emma sighs. “Too bad the state is run by a corrupt religion.”

“What do you mean?”

“Utah houses the headquarters of the Mormon Church, which has a lot of influence over the government. Alcohol laws are super strict, and there’s no gambling. There are church buildings and temples everywhere. You can’t really escape it here.”

“Is that why you moved to California?”

Emma tilts her head side to side while she thinks about her answer.

“Yes, and no. Jordan’s parents wanted to move to a place that was more protective about transgender rights.

I wanted to be in a place where I wouldn’t be scared to be my true self.

Jordan’s an only child, so their parents kind of adopted me as their own after I truly fell out with my family.

They helped me apply to college and get financial aid, they’ve met most of my previous partners, and they’ve celebrated my wins.

It was a no-brainer to move with them when they asked. ”

“I’m glad you had them. They seem really great.”

“They are. They’re the best pseudo-parents I could’ve asked for.”

I don’t know what to say to that. I want to ask her to meet them, because it seems like they’re an important part of her life, but I know I still need to tread carefully.

“Can I ask you something personal?” I muse.

“My word vomit isn’t enough for you?” she teases. I give her a flat look. “Ask away. I’m an open book. ”

“I noticed you had a green ribbon on at the club, and you don’t say ‘boyfriends’ you use the term ‘partners.’” I don’t know how to ask outright, but I don’t have to.

Emma chuckles. “You’ve seen the pink, purple, and blue flag in my office, yes?” I nod. “I’m bisexual.”

“I wondered, but I didn’t want to assume.”

“I’m open about it. I’m not ashamed of it. You can ask me anything you’d like.”

“Good. I never want you to be ashamed of the things that make you you.”

Emma gives me a smile in return, and the topic of conversation changes.

Emma directs me away from the St. George traffic, through a formation of red and white rocks that looks vaguely familiar, and through some hills that look like volcanoes. When I point them out, Emma laughs and tells me they are volcanoes, but they’re inactive.

We pull into a small town with two gas stations, a small strip of businesses, and a church all on the main road. We turn down a side street, and I follow a bumpy road to the Gunlock cemetery.

It’s small, barely half an acre with a run-down park across the gravel road and a structure that looks like sketchy bathrooms.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I question when Emma doesn’t immediately get out of the car.

“Only if you don’t find it weird that I talk to them still.”

Talk to them?

I shrug, “As long as you’re not performing a séance.”

Emma gets out of the car, and I follow her as she opens a white wrought iron gate in need of a bit of WD-40. I follow her down the cracked sidewalk and over the dried grass—avoiding stepping on the other graves—until we come to a gray upright headstone.

Emma plops herself in the crunchy grass, and I follow suit next to her, reading the inscriptions.

Their last name, Price, is carved on a banner above a mountain range with an elk on one side and a pine tree on the other, then there are two names and their birth and death dates.

Blythe June Prior 21 Feb 1925 18 Jan 2010

Rupert Lance 27 Jan 1923 24 May 2015

“Hi, Grandma and Grandpa,” Emma says, like she’s just talking to someone in their living room. “I brought a visitor with me. His name is Ben. He’s my… coworker?”

I nudge her arm with mine. “I’m more than just her coworker.”

Emma cups her hand over her face like she’s trying to tell me a secret. “I can’t exactly tell them you’re my Dom, can I? They’d probably keel over if they found that out.”

I roll my eyes at her but cup my own hand over my face and reply, “I think they can probably hear you even if you do this, so you just told them anyway.”

“Fuck. Shit. Sorry, Grandma and Grandpa. But, to be fair, you guys weren’t exactly saints with the language. You probably think I didn’t hear you, but I did. ”

Emma proceeds to tell them all about graduating college, how she finally landed her dream job at Rossi. She tells them about the plans for Derek’s project and how excited she is to be part of something so big.

Then she tells them how sad she is that her other grandpa is gone. She recounts how Grandpa Walter and Grandma Eileen came down when Grandma Blythe passed away to show their support and how she hopes they’re catching up with each other in the afterlife.

The wind, which was blowing softly when we arrived, has stopped completely, and I hear some cattle mooing in the distance. Emma speaks to them so freely, without a care that, to someone else, it might look strange to be talking to a headstone.

“Sorry I didn’t bring flowers; I didn’t plan on stopping by. But I’m glad I did. I miss you both like crazy. I hope you’re proud of me, even if I’m not living exactly the way you guys probably wanted when I was younger. I’m sure you thought I’d be married and have a gaggle of kids by now.”

Before she can say anything else, her phone rings. “Oh, this is my cousin, Hannah. I’m going to take this and be right back. That okay?”

“Go ahead, honey.”

“Hey, Hannah…” Emma stands and walks to the other end of the cemetery.

I clear my throat, feeling a little silly wanting to talk to a headstone. But if Emma can do it, so can I.

“So, you already know Emma and I are… coworkers. But I’m actually falling— have fallen—pretty hard for your granddaughter. I haven’t told her how I feel, though. She’s kind of skittish. I don’t blame her, not after everything she’s been through.”

I look over my shoulder to see Emma with her back turned, still talking on the phone, so I continue. “I haven’t felt this way about someone…ever. And I was engaged. I promise I’ll take good care of her. I just want her to know how worthy of love she is. I want her to let me love her.”

I hear the crunch of the grass as Emma comes back. “Okay, we can go.” She holds out her hand to help me stand up, and even though she’s so much shorter than I am, I let her help me up.

I interlace our fingers so she can’t walk away.

“Bye, Grandma and Grandpa. Love you.” She leads me to the car, our fingers still intertwined.