Page 42 of Resilience on Canvas

“But she said that I—”

“I know that! I’m still tellin’ you to give it back!” Robert said, finally raising his voice.

Truthfully, Henry was surprised it had even taken him this long.

Every single night for the last week, there had been some kind of squabble.

Being trapped in the house for hours and hours was probably a nightmare for them kids.

In turn, they were making it a nightmare for everyone else.

Henry couldn’t blame them, though. They were only kids.

And being home was boring as sin. Heck, Henry would know.

Homebound boredom was the reason he had purchased his first set of charcoal pencils back in Oklahoma City all them years ago.

“But that’s not fair!” Peter said.

May began working to pry the marble out of Peter’s hands, but Peter tried to keep it from her, turning in a little circle while she clung to his wrist. Finally, Peter pushed her back, and May stumbled before falling backward and knocking into Clara, who let go of the pot of stew, sending it crashing onto the floor.

It landed with a thunk and splatter, some of the contents exploding over the brim and onto the hardwood (and some of Clara’s skirt too).

Robert stood up and smacked his fist on the table.

“Now look what happened! Supper’s ruined!”

Clara said, “Oh, Robert, it’s not—”

“Get back in your rooms while we figure this out!”

May scrambled to her feet, and all three children rushed toward the hall. Peter handed the marble back to May on the way. Robert started massaging his temples.

“Christ Almighty,” he said with an irritated sigh.

Clara went to fetch a rag to wipe up the spill, and Henry pushed himself to his feet to help but paused and then put a hand on Robert’s back instead.

“Only a little of the stew was lost, you know,” he said softly.

“Yeah, I know,” Robert said, still rubbing his head.

“Don’t be too mad at them. I think they’re losin’ their minds from boredom.”

Robert let his hands fall to his sides. “Yeah, I know that too.”

Henry nuzzled the side of Robert’s face with his nose. “I’ll eat a little less stew tonight. I’m still kinda full from breakfast.”

“God, Hen, yer such a terrible liar,” Robert said, leaning into Henry’s face cuddles.

Henry could tell by Robert’s tone of voice that he wasn’t so mad now.

“I know,” Henry replied with a light laugh. “But I’m still havin’ less stew.”

He turned to help Clara, who was practically finished cleaning. After they were done, Clara took three penny candies from one of the cabinets and handed them to Robert.

“What’s this?” Robert asked.

“I bought ’em for . . . emergencies.”

“‘Robert was a mean bastard’ emergencies?”

Clara tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Sort of.”

Robert snorted. “I can’t blame you for it. Clearly.”

He heaved a sigh and then called the children back to the kitchen .

“I need you three to promise me that you won’t fight no more tonight,” he said.

Three mumbled, regretful sounding “okays” followed.

“Good enough.” Robert unfurled his hand, revealing the three pieces of candy.

Each of the kids snatched one, and then they took turns hugging him.

Henry watched the way Robert squeezed tight to each of them, murmuring heartfelt apologies into their ears.

Henry’s chest began to fill with a tingly warmth as he watched the scene unfold.

Robert liked to think he was a mean bastard, but he wasn’t.

He was simply a man who was bone-tired from carrying everyone and everything for so long.

When that thought entered Henry’s head, his chest tightened, the warm tenderness he’d been feeling transforming into hot shame instead.

Because he wasn’t helping Robert like he had once promised to.

He hadn’t yet managed to ease his man’s burdens.

Not only had he failed to help Robert in the way he’d been wanting to, but he was preparing to make things worse.

Earlier, Henry had made that promise to Clara, telling her he’d talk to Robert that evening.

He’d have to tell Robert that he thought they’d have to let his parents purchase the train fare.

Oh Lord, with how things were progressing, his parents would probably have to continue to help the Davis family once they reached California too.

God, the weight of that—of taking the “charity” and failing to provide for his siblings his own self—Robert might be crushed by it.

Henry shut his eyes. He needed a minute to sit with the shame.

Once the children were seated, everyone bowed their heads in prayer, and even though Henry was supposed to be thanking the Lord for the bounty of Hoover stew and pickled fruit, instead he prayed that he could somehow help—truly help—the man he loved .

Not that he had managed to say that word to Robert yet. But he felt it. And even though Robert hadn’t said it to him, neither, he thought that maybe Robert loved him too.

***

In the evening, once the sun had set, Henry helped Clara put the children to bed while Robert cleaned up in the kitchen.

After the twins were tucked in, Henry left to talk to Robert but realized that he wasn’t in the kitchen no more.

He peeked his head into the other bedrooms, only to find Raymond’s haunted and still-slightly-pungent bedroom empty and Clara and May reading a story in the other room.

Frowning, Henry went out onto the porch and finally found Robert there, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, Hen,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. Henry sat beside him on the rickety porch. After a moment, Robert sighed and held up his half-finished cigarette. “I know I said that I was finished with these.”

Henry chewed on his lip for a moment. “Can I have one?”

Robert took a puff and shook his head. “Nah, sorry. I couldn’t bring myself to waste money on a whole pack.

I bought this one off of one of the customers today for a couple of cents.

I knew I’d need it soon. Didn’t really think I’d be needin’ it within two hours of buyin’ the Goddamn thing, but”—he shrugged—“oh well.”

Wordlessly, Robert handed it to Henry. Henry wasn’t too keen on smoking, but he felt the need to share it with Robert right then.

Henry brought it to his lips and inhaled.

He coughed a bit while blowing out the smoke but thankfully didn’t make a fool of himself this time.

Robert smiled sweetly as he took the cigarette back, and the fondness in his brown eyes made Henry’s stomach tumble.

Goodness, even in these somber moments, Robert could still make Henry feel like the luckiest man in the world.

Robert took Henry’s hand and rubbed the back with his thumb. Every swipe of Robert’s finger had Henry’s heart soaring while somehow making it feel heavier too.

Finally, when Henry couldn’t stomach the weight no more, he sighed and said, “Robert, we’re out of time. Aren’t we?”

Robert took a long pull of his cigarette. Exhaling the smoke, he tilted his head back to rest it on the wooden siding.

“Yeah. We are.”

“We need to talk to my folks. Ask them for the money.”

Robert shook his head. “I can’t.”

Henry’s stomach tightened. “Then . . . then I will.”

“Ah, I can’t ask that of you. I was the one who told yer pop that I wouldn’t take his money.”

“Yeah, but I’m still his son.” Henry winced from the sudden twinge in his chest. “I think.”

Robert turned to him. “Don’t feel like you have to talk to him for me, Hen. Not if it’ll hurt.”

“No, I-I can. I want to. I mean, I said I wanted to help, so...” Henry let out a long breath. “So let me help.”

With a hum, Robert leaned in to rub their noses together.

“Thank you,” he said. “Tell me yer mine, little wolf.”

“Always.” Henry planted a soft kiss on Robert’s lips. “Always yers.”

Robert snuffed his cigarette out and flung it off the porch.

Henry asked, “Are you mad?”

“Not at you. Just mad at myself. I’m mad that I couldn’t figure out how to come up with the money. Son of a bitch, why couldn’t I come up with it? ”

“Ain’t yer fault it’s so expensive,” Henry said.

“I bet your parents were makin’ plenty of money back before the land stopped supportin’ most of the crops.

The only reason my parents can afford to move is because my mom happens to be a teacher.

And I think maybe they feel comfortable bleedin’ through some of their savings because my father will be workin’ out there.

Goodness, they’ll have two incomes if she teaches out there too.

No wonder they could pay for that movin’ truck.

No wonder they’re fine with payin’ sixty bucks to load their car up on the train. ”

All of a sudden, Robert’s hands flew to Henry’s shoulders. He pushed Henry back, forcing him to sit upright.

“Say that one more time.”

Henry arched an eyebrow. “Uhm, which part?”

“Did you say that yer parents are paying sixty bucks to put their car on the train?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, what if... what if you and me take it to California instead? And in exchange, they can pay for most of the train tickets? Kind of like payin’ the two of us the sixty bucks.

” Robert’s eyes went wide and wild. “And then the two of us could pay for the last ticket or two. Whatever they think they need. And we can pay for some of the food and such, too, with the money we’ve saved from the store.

We’ll have to set some money aside for the gasoline, but—”

“Goodness, Robert that’s perfect!” Henry’s heart sped up a little, invigorated by Robert’s infectious positivity. “Because, then, we wouldn’t owe them no extra money. Only the funeral money.”

“Exactly! And once we’re in California, we’ll find us some work.” Robert paused to wet his lips. He looked as though he might burst out of his skin. “Once we pay yer folks back for the funeral, there won’t be nothin’ stoppin’ us from savin’ up for our own place. ”

Henry smiled back, his own eyes becoming wide and wild like Robert's.

“Because we’ll have two incomes too.”

“Two incomes. You and me, little wolf, we’ll take care of everybody.”

Tears sprang to Henry’s eyes, and he let out a happy laugh. And then Robert started laughing too. Deliriously happy laughter. Because, Lord, they were so close to prosperity.