Page 32 of Resilience on Canvas

Any other time, Robert would have wanted to scold Henry, to tell Henry that he took care of his family his own self. Goddammit, part of him still wanted to. Because he was feeling like he was losing himself. Like he was losing the person—the provider —he wanted to be. But...

Seeing the pain in Henry’s beautiful brown eyes, it was enough to shatter every bit of his stubborn pride.

“No, Hen, it was a fine idea,” Robert said, trying his best to make his voice warm. He reached out to lay his hands on Henry’ s shoulders and offered what he hoped would be a comforting squeeze. “Do you still want to try it?”

“Try to win the money, you mean?” Henry asked, one of his eyebrows ticking up.

With a shrug, Robert said, “I mean, yer father said you could go, right? So, go.”

Henry’s mouth curled into a tentative looking smile. “Yeah?”

Robert would have preferred to be the one to take care of his family—to pay their train fare and pay Henry’s folks back for the funeral—but he could feel in his bones how badly Henry needed this.

“Yeah,” Robert replied, smiling back. “Can I come, too? Can I watch you win the money?”

“Really?” Henry asked, his voice cracking.

Christ, Henry was cute. He was the biggest Goddamn sweetheart that Robert had ever met. How had Robert thought that Henry would have ever left him behind?

Lowering his voice to the faintest whisper, Robert replied, “Yeah, little wolf. Of course.”

Henry’s tentative smile blossomed into the biggest, most beautiful one that Robert had ever seen. He bounced up onto the balls of his feet—once, twice—and, God, it was so cute. Robert snort-chuckled in response.

Holy hell, he was one lucky man to have found Henry Sherwood.

“Do you want to tell Clara, then? She’ll have to watch the kids while you’re gone.”

Robert chuckled once more. “Yeah, I’ll tell her. I’ll meet you outside.”

After one more silly, endearing bounce, Henry hurried off, and Robert stayed fixed to the spot for a moment, smiling to himself. Him and Henry, they had really become something, hadn’t they? Damn, they hadn’t even kissed yet, but somehow, that didn’t seem to matter.

Because the two of them, they were meant to be.

Not even bothering to temper his lovesick smile, Robert left for the kitchen, thoughts of sunshine and the ocean and a future with his perfect person swirling in his mind.

***

Hours later, Robert, Henry, Joe, Rose, and Rose’s cousin Audrey were closing in on Alva, Oklahoma.

Luckily, Clara hadn’t seemed to mind that Robert would be away for a little while.

She could tend to their little vegetable plot herself without issue and could see the children to school easily enough since Robert was leaving the car behind in Guymon.

Not that he’d had much of a choice in that matter.

He wouldn’t have been able to afford the fuel to Alva on his own.

It was lucky that Joe and Rose hadn’t minded him coming with them.

On the way, Robert spent most of the ride lost in thought.

And maybe a little lost in jealousy too.

For the most part, Robert could let his mind wander to him and Henry’s future life in California.

He hadn’t never been to California, but he imagined it’d be lush with vegetation in comparison to the Oklahoma panhandle.

It was easy to become lost in fantasies of him and Henry starting their own farm or something.

Well, it was easy enough most of the time.

Except for the minutes of the ride when Henry and Audrey were having a conversation.

Once the two of them started chatting, Robert had trouble staying focused on the future that the two of them might have on the coast. In fact, he couldn’t think of nothing except that Henry and Audrey would soon be hanging on each other—really, truly, hanging on each other—for hours and hours while they danced.

Robert had seen some of them photographs of these kinds of marathons in the newspaper from time to time.

Always, it seemed that the final contestants had become so exhausted from the constant movement that they ended up clinging to each other for support.

Son of a bitch, he ought to be the one cuddling up on Henry soon. Exhausted and sweaty and—

Letting out a huff, Robert squirmed in his seat and adjusted his pants.

Christ on a cross, him and Henry hadn’t even found the privacy to kiss each other yet, but soon Robert would have to watch his man swaying his hips to some music with a beautiful girl.

Didn’t matter that she was only seventeen.

Didn’t matter that she was most likely not a threat to what him and Henry had.

Robert’s blood was still boiling anyway.

All Robert could hope for was that every other contestant would succumb to exhaustion before he would have to bear witness to too much upright cuddling between them two.

Once they arrived in Alva, they had to locate the church where the contest was being held, which was easy enough, thanks to the huge cross out front and the signs on the lawn for the marathon.

Other than the cross on the building and what looked to be a relatively short bell tower, the church looked more like some kind of federal building, like a bank.

The church was rectangular in shape, the walls made with gray stone.

It was large, too. Much larger than the churches in Guymon were.

Its enormity was probably the reason why it had been chosen for the contest. While it was curious that the dance marathon was to take place in a house of worship, perhaps both the organizers and the church leaders knew that the people who would enter something like this, risking their Goddamn health for a bit of money, were sorely in need of help from the Lord.

Robert sure as hell was. Would God see fit to let Henry and Audrey win? Even though Henry and Robert were what they were to each other? Robert had to hope so. He needed something to go right for once. And Henry...

If it’s not one thing with you, it’s another.

I can’t even look at you right now.

Henry needed something to go right for once, too.

After Joe found a parking spot (two whole streets over since so many people had parked their Model As and Model Ts near the church itself), everyone walked together to the building. Robert and Henry stayed behind the others, neither of them speaking much.

It wasn’t until they reached the walkway to the front of the church that Robert took notice of Henry instead of selfishly focusing on his own upset.

When Robert finally caught sight of Henry’s expression—his large brown eyes filled with unease and lips pressed into a thin line—he realized how nervous Henry probably was, and a rush of sweet sympathy unfurled in his chest, blooming like the most beautiful flower, one so magnificent it nearly made Robert stop in his tracks.

With that lovely blossom of sympathy, however, came a heap of shame.

Dammit, what the hell was wrong with him?

In his heart, he knew that Henry wouldn’t never fall in love with Audrey.

He was only trying to help the two of them start a new life in California.

And for that to happen, Robert needed to stop being such a bastard. He needed to offer Henry some real encouragement so Henry could find that mental strength and self-confidence that Henry had in him, though he never seemed to know it.

Robert cleared his throat to try to pull Henry out of his nervous thoughts, but Henry kept chewing on his fingernails, his eyes fixed on the church ahead.

Robert tried once more, this time sputtering a ragged-sounding cough instead, and Henry turned toward him, his forehead immediately wrinkling with worry.

“Gosh, maybe we ought to have brought some masks,” Henry said. “Are you—”

“I’m fine, Hen,” Robert said, slowing his walk so he could put some space between the two of them and Henry’s friends. “I wanted to talk to you, is all.”

“Oh.” Henry slowed his pace to stay with Robert. “I, uhm, well, I thought you weren’t really in the mood for talkin’ right now. What with yer face like that, you know? You looked... mad.”

Robert snorted. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t mad, really.

I was...” He pinched his mouth while shaking his head.

“Never mind what I was. Never mind my Goddamn face. And if you see me lookin’ mad when yer out there swingin’ and swayin’ with Audrey, I need you to ignore it.

Don’t pay me no mind, you hear? Focus on winnin’ the money for us. ”

Abruptly, Henry stopped walking and raked a hand through his hair. “Alright, I can try. But, Robert, what if we lose?”

Robert looked over Henry’s shoulder to see Joe, Rose, and Audrey continuing toward the church, and then looked back at Henry as the man ran his hand over his face.

“God, Robert, we need this money. I’ve been tryin’ to think of some other way for us to come up with enough, but I can’t.

And, heck, even with the money from the contest, we won’t even have enough left for the whole of everything we’ll need.

Because we need to pay my parents for the funeral.

Not only will we be short on the train fare, but the livin’ expenses to boot.

Where will we even stay when we’re out there?

We can’t stay with my folks. I mean, you saw the way my father.

..” His faltering voice cut through Robert like a knife.

Robert clenched his teeth, his muscles tensing.

“He won’t never support us startin’ a life out there together . ”

Robert inhaled a long, slow breath and relaxed his jaw.