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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

JULIET: That was painful. You guys make it to the airport?

FORD: Just settling into my seat.

FORD: You watched the game?

JULIET: I’m offended you think I wouldn’t watch the game.

FORD: You hate baseball.

JULIET: I do not.

FORD: You went on a forty minute rant about how it should not be considered America’s pastime because of how boring it is.

JULIET: Okay, fine. It was on at the house I was cleaning and I may have lingered in the living room longer than necessary to see the last two innings.

FORD: What have I told you about mentioning your work at Bare Necessities?

JULIET: That you are an uptight pretentious asshole who would rather picture me dressed as a nun for the rest of my life?

FORD: Very funny.

FORD: I’m pretty sure I said that while I love and encourage your drive and independence, I don’t want to be reminded that there are men in this world besides my stepbrother that have seen you naked.

JULIET: shrugging emoji Same thing.

JULIET: And it’s topless not naked.

FORD: Same thing.

FORD: Would you like it if I told you about all the cleat chasers who wait for me at the hotel hoping I’ll take them upstairs?

JULIET: If you did at least I’d know you’re not as celibate as Paige thinks you are.

FORD: Celibate?

JULIET: She said it’s been awhile since you’ve been seen out with any of those women who go to games hoping to bag one of the players.

JULIET: And also, she wants to meet you.

FORD: Paige? Doesn’t she hate me?

JULIET: Probably. But for some reason she loves me. So you get us as a package deal.

FORD: Lucky me.

FORD: But for the record, it’s because you’re easy to love.

JULIET: I’m not sure how to respond to that.

FORD: You don’t have to.

FORD: Is everything okay?

JULIET: Why would it not be?

FORD: You never text me first.

JULIET: Is it so weird to think I just wanted to make sure you were okay after that loss?

FORD: Usually I have to beg for you to respond at all.

JULIET: That’s not true.

FORD: Be real with me Juliet.

JULIET: Fine, I have a favor to ask.

FORD: Go on.

JULIET: They found asbestos in my building and the landlord decided he’s going to have it removed and renovate the apartments.

JULIET: We’re all getting paid to move out, but I need a place to stay.

JULIET: Just until I can find another place.

JULIET: I would go with Paige but her boyfriend is allergic to cats and I can’t leave Lodhi behind.

FORD: You mean the demon spawn who hissed at me?

JULIET: He’s not a demon. He just doesn’t like assholes.

FORD: I’m going to let that one slide since you’re here asking me so nicely for help.

FORD: When do you need to be out by?

JULIET: This weekend.

FORD: Shit that’s soon.

JULIET: My landlord isn’t known for being the most gracious of men.

FORD: Let me make a few phone calls.

JULIET: I can just sleep on your couch for a few days. It’s really not that big of a deal. I might even have a new place before you are back.

FORD: I don’t want you to have to stress, or end up in another shit hole apartment.

FORD: And don’t remind me we can’t all be all star baseball players and live in penthouses.

JULIET: I’ll be staying on your couch thanks.

FORD: Listen. I know you don’t want my help. But you need your space and freedom right now. And I need you safe.

JULIET: DO NOT GO OUT AND GET ME AN APARTMENT.

FORD: Fine. But at least take the spare room. And keep the orange spawn of satan out of my closet. I don’t need him shredding my shoes.

JULIET: That’s dogs.

FORD: I wouldn’t put it past him.

JULIET: It’s only for a few days. Maybe a week or two tops.

FORD: A few weeks. A few months. Whatever you need. It’s yours.

JULIET: Thank you.

FORD: De Nada.