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21

MIRABELLA

I scream as my daughter runs down the field well ahead of any of the other players. She scores and is met by her team as they all cheer up and down for her scoring the goal to break the tied game.

A feeling washes over me. The hair on the back of my neck standing at attention. I immediately think Giancarlo is around. But when I look around it’s not him that has me frozen in place. I see a man, a ball cap pulled low on his face, but one glance of those eyes and I feel myself going pale.

“Mira, are you okay? It looks like you just saw a ghost,” Maria says as she places a hand on my shoulder.

In many people’s eyes, I did, considering the man is legally dead. But that’s not what has me struggling for breath, it’s that he saw Aria. I swallow as fingernails dig into my palms. He knows. He has to.

“Mirabella?” Maria asks again.

I shake my head. “Sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew. It’s nothing.”

She gives me a curious look but turns back to the game. I look back up to see if I can spot Kilian anywhere but he’s gone.

* * *

I sit at the table after giving Aria her dinner. My mind a clusterfuck as I try to piece together what the hell happened today. Why was he there? Why did he think he should just show up to her game? He knows it’s a risk to even show up in this town with my uncle and cousin breathing down my neck. And after he was here a few days ago asking about my brother, I knew something happened. I knew he did something. And that makes me even more worried about my uncle.

Kilian didn’t answer any of my texts or calls I sent him on the burner phone after the game. I know he is mad, reeling. He had to have figured it out. How could he not? Aria’s eyes are the same color as his. I barely touch my food as I remember when everything in my world felt like it was crashing down.

The pub is so packed tonight that I barely have any time to talk to Kilian. Customers are obnoxious, a bunch of college kids back in town. I push my way to the other end of the bar when I see a face I haven’t seen in four years. “Dante.”

“It’s been a long time, Mirabella.”

I glance toward Kilian, not wanting him to see Dante. I don’t want all my secrets coming out in one night.

“Do you know who that man is?” Dante asks and I realize he followed my gaze.

“What man?” I ask dumbly.

“The one you are staring at.”

“I’m not staring at anyone. Just checking the bar to make sure everyone’s drinks are fine. Do you need a drink? I can get you a beer.”

He holds his hand up. “I’m fine. I just came to talk. But I do want to know if you know him.”

I shake my head. “He’s someone who comes into the pub now and then. I don’t know him except for that.”

“Do you talk to him?”

I raise a brow at him. “I’m a bartender, Dante. Of course, I talk to him.”

My cousin gives me a pointed look. “You know what I mean.”

“Why do you care?”

He looks down the bar again at Kilian and I watch his face as he does. He barely gives anything away but I know he knows something I don’t.

“Can you talk outside?”

I throw my hands up. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of busy right now.”

He scowls at me. “Fine. I’ll make this quick. Dad wants you home.”

“He’s your father, not mine,” I snap.

“Mirabella, you know he is your guardian.”

“My name is Bella. And was is the word you are looking for. He was my guardian. I’m twenty-two. I’m an adult. He still feels like he has power over me, he doesn’t.”

“You know well enough he does.”

“No,” I say once more as I scan my eyes around the bar, noticing some people are in need of refills.

“He was kind enough to let you come here for school. Clear your head. But you graduated five months ago.”

“And I have a visa here that is still valid. I love it here, I’m not leaving.”

“You’re needed at home.” His voice is low and authoritative.

“No, I’m not.” I walk away to refill a handful of drinks, I half expect Dante to be gone but he’s still here when I get back to the end of the bar.

“Don’t fight me on this. Please. I need you to listen for once,” he says when I get back to standing in front of him.

“You can’t control me just like your father can’t. Leave. I have to work and I don’t want you causing a scene.”

He doesn’t argue with me and walks away. I breathe in a sigh of relief and get back to work.

* * *

I was so tired after work last night, I told Kilian I couldn’t come over. I couldn’t deal with him after seeing my cousin. He would know something was wrong.

There is something wrong. And it has nothing to do with my cousin.

I have been feeling off the last week, overly tired, nauseous. I thought I was getting the flu. But as I walked through the drugstore earlier and saw pregnancy tests, I remembered my period was late. We never use condoms but it’s not like I’m not on birth control. And I take it every day at the exact same time.

I grabbed a couple, just in case. But I knew it was all in my head.

Until it wasn’t.

Kilian insisted last night that I come over tonight for dinner and I reluctantly agreed. I need to tell him. I need to figure out what we should do. But as I try to get ready and stare at those stupid bluelines, I get more and more worried.

I don’t even try to impress him. My mind a fucking mess. I slip on a pair of leggings and an oversized T-shirt before walking the three blocks to his house.

He cooked us dinner. And I know he knows something is off when I turn down whiskey and I’ve been quiet all night.

I know I need to tell him. It’s sitting on the tip of my tongue. But the words taste like ash every time I try to say them.

“Are you sure you're feeling alright?” he asks me.

I shake my head. “I think I am coming down with something. I’ve felt off all day.”

He pulls me into him and presses his lips to my forehead. “Come upstairs. You can go to bed and hopefully sleep it off.”

I want to say okay. But I am worried the longer I stay here, the harder it will be for me to say the words I need to say. What if he doesn’t want to keep it? What if he gets angry at me and says he never wants to see me again?

We aren’t in a relationship. We see each other randomly whenever he is in town. We mostly just drink and fuck. Tonight was a rare occasion we ate dinner. Yes, we talk a lot, and I used to spend days here studying. But we never called it anything more than us fucking. And he’s ten years older than me. I am barely out of college and he’s a successful businessman. Why the hell would he want to be with me? Some girl that he can’t be with. Not if he knew the truth. Because I am lying to myself if I said I could be Bella Gallo for the rest of my life. I can’t. The truth of my identity would come out sooner or later. And where would that lead him? To a death by my uncle’s hands, no doubt.

“I think I’m just going to go home.”

He wraps his arms around me. “Are you sure?”

I nod. “I don’t want to get you sick too. How long are you in town for?”

“Another couple days.”

“Okay. I’ll come over when I’m feeling better.”

“Let me drive you home.”

I shake my head. “It’s just a few blocks, Kil. I can walk.”

“If you don’t feel good, I don’t want you walking.”

I push his hands off me. “Maybe I just need some fresh air.”

He studies me and I know he can tell I’m lying about something. “How about I call you a cab?”

I know if I don’t agree he will insist on driving me and I just need to get away from him before I blurt out those two words that will ruin everything. “Okay.”

When I get home, I climb my staircase, despair and disappointment in my heart. I should have told him. Instead I chickened out. But it’s not like I could say, ‘I’m pregnant. Oh, and by the way, my real name is Mirabella Renzetti and my uncle is the head of the mob.’

I let out a laugh as I climb to the third floor. Yeah, that would have gone over really well.

I pull my keys out, ready to open my door, when I hear a voice on the other side.

Dante.

I press my ear to the door to hear what he is saying and nearly throw up my dinner when I hear his words.

“Yes, I am one-hundred-percent positive it was Kilian Bancroft. No I don’t know if she knows him.” He pauses and I realize he must be on the phone. “I have no idea if he knows who she is. But if he does, I am sure The Partners will make a move soon.”

The Partners?

I try to search my memories, that name sounding so familiar. Then I remember an argument between my uncle and my dad years ago. I have no idea what it was about, I was fifteen and barely paid attention to family business. But I remembered that name, remembered they were a crime organization. And something about my dad telling my uncle to never work with them, never contact them.

If Kilian is a part of them, does he know who I really am?

Dante starts speaking again. “I can put in a hit. If he is in Dublin, we can end it all.”

A hit? No, they can’t kill him.

“We don’t need proof!” He pauses. “Fine, if I can get her to leave, we won’t do it. Not yet, not until the right time.”

I pull away. There is no way I can be with him now. Not after what I just heard. I need to leave Dublin. I need to get as far away from him as possible if it will save his life.

My hands drop to my stomach. I wish my mom was still here, I wish she could tell me what to do. I don’t want to get rid of this baby but I can’t let my family know who the father is. They will kill him for sure if they found out.

I take a deep breath as I open the door to my apartment. I don’t act surprised when I see Dante in my living room.

“I’ll go home,” I tell him.

“Finally listening to what we tell you,” he retorts. “Pack your shit. We leave tonight.”

“Mom!”

I blink and see Aria standing in front of me, waving her hands in my face. “I thought you were having a stroke. You weren’t answering me. I was about to call Magda.”

“Sorry, I just got lost in thought.”

She gives me a funny look but then sits back down and eats her chicken. “You were weird, Mom.”

I give her a short smile. “Moms are supposed to be weird.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Whatever.”

“Did you just say whatever to me?” I ask, feigning shock.

She doesn’t say anything and just takes a dramatic bite of her dinner.

I pick up my fork. “How do you even know what a stroke is?”

“I was looking up medical conditions in history class. I was bored.”

I laugh. Of course she was. I push my memories aside and make small talk with her for the rest of dinner.

* * *

After Aria goes to bed, I stand in the kitchen for half an hour. My mind no better than it was at the football field. Maybe I was seeing things. Maybe it wasn’t Kilian, and that’s why his texts are unanswered. He has no idea why I am flipping out because it wasn’t him.

I make my way upstairs, hoping a bath will help ease the tension out of my shoulders. My hand is gripped firmly around my burner phone. I want to text him again. I want to call him. I want his voice to calm me, tell me he wasn’t here. I could play it off as missing him. That the phone sex and dirty texts aren’t enough. But I am sure he would see right through me.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and take a shaky breath as I drop the burner phone into my nightstand.

“Who is her father?”

I jump at the sound of Kilian’s voice behind me. My heart going into my throat. I turn around and find him leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his chest, a scowl on his face. “Kilian.”

“Who is her father?” he snaps.

I bite my lip as I try to find some sort of lie inside of me. “I told you. He was some man—”

“Dammit, Mirabella. Don’t lie to me.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I saw her.” He pauses. “I saw her.” His words fade away as he remembers seeing her face.

“Don’t call me Mirabella. I can’t stand it from your lips.” I know those aren’t the words he wanted to hear.

“I’ll call you what you want when you tell me the truth. I deserve the truth. I deserve to know who her father is.” His eyes never leave mine as he says those words. A desperate plea in his eyes he keeps out of his voice.

My mind drifts back to the memory from earlier. Finding out I was pregnant, wanting to tell him, and being too chickenshit to do it. How would things have been different if I had told him that night? If I didn’t go home. Or if I didn’t overhear Dante speaking on the phone. My own mind questioning Kilian’s motives. If I hadn’t heard those words, I know I would have gone back to him. Would have told him everything. Every secret I kept from him. My real name, my family, the baby. All of this would be different.

“Bella?”

My name on his lips is soft, quiet. Like he knows I am battling a million emotions. Tears fall from my eyes as I collapse onto the bench at the end of my bed. He knows. I know he figured it all out. But I am still scared to say the words. Because ten years has changed things. We can no longer go back to the people we were. We aren’t young lovers hiding in candlelight between silk sheets. We’re adults. And even worse, I’m the daughter of a mobster, the niece of a don. And he is in one of the most notorious crime syndicates in the world.

“Is she my daughter?” he asks, his voice unsteady.

I take a deep breath and meet his eyes and nod.

His face falls, emotions flooding it. The same emotions I had when I found out I was pregnant. Elation, happiness, fear.

“I’m a father.”

I’m in tears as he takes in the truth. “Yes.” Those words rock my body. I never thought I would say them to him. Never thought he would find out the truth. And then he was dead. And I knew my secret would be hidden forever. But all of that has changed. Everything has changed.

He frowns as he looks at me then walks to the glass doors that lead to the balcony. His eyes focused on the view of the water.

I wait for him to say something, anything. But he is silent. Still.

I step toward him until I am just a foot away. “I wanted to tell you,” I say softly. “I was going to tell you and then I freaked out. I wasn’t ready for a kid. I wasn’t ready to tell you. We were just… I didn’t know what we were, Kil.”

“I’m a father,” he repeats like he didn’t even hear a word I just said.

“I—I found out who you were and knew my family would kill you. I didn’t have a choice.” I plead. I just want him to look at me.

“When?” he growls.

“When what?”

“When did you find out?”

I watch as his hand curls into a fist. His anger palpable in the air. More tears fall down my cheeks. “T-the day before I left.”

“You mean the day you disappeared?”

I touch his back and feel him flinch underneath me. “I had every intention of telling you that night. But like I said, I was scared.” I groan as I pull away from him. “I was twenty-two, Kilian. A college graduate that worked as a bartender with no plans. You were thirty-two, a businessman, successful. You didn’t even live in Dublin. We never defined what we had—”

He spins around and gets in my face. His words quiet but harsh. “You don’t think I deserved to know? So you just up and disappeared on me? You ran away when I would have accepted this burden.”

“Burden? Aria is not a burden.” I step away from him as anger takes over.

“That’s not what—”

“And you think I ran away? Vanished to keep her hidden? I was so fucking scared that night, Kilian. What was I supposed to tell you after I told you I was pregnant? That I lied about my identity? I couldn’t put you in that position.”

“That wasn’t your choice to make.”

“No?” I ask harshly. “That night when I left your house, I was so broken. I didn’t know why I didn’t tell you. I wanted to turn around and run to your arms but I didn’t. Instead, I found out you were lying about who you were. My cousin was at my apartment ready to put out a hit on you.” I shudder as a realization hits me. One I never thought of until now. “I made the only choice I could that night. I wasn’t just saving our daughter’s life. I was saving yours. And even if that meant I would live the rest of my life with a broken heart, that was the choice I had to make. Because I couldn’t lose both of you.”

He watches me as I break down. My body slumping onto the bed, my head falling into my palms. “I wanted to tell you,” I cry. “And I hate myself every day for lying to her, for lying to you about all of it. When I thought you died, something inside of me shattered. I felt horrible for never letting you know about her, meet her. And I hated myself for not letting her ever meet her father. I could have reached out to you. Found a way to get in contact with you without my family knowing. But once again, I was too scared. Scared of your rejection. And now every time I see you, I want nothing more than to tell you, to let myself fall back into those feelings I had for you back then. The ones that hit me like a freight train the second you came back into my life.”

“What feelings?” he asks. The pleading in his voice piercing my soul.

I swallow my fear. “That I loved you back then. That I wanted nothing more than for us to be a family. And even after I left, after I did everything I could to protect her, to keep her identity a secret from my family, I still felt those feelings. They were burned into my soul. You are burned into my soul.”

“And what about now?” he asks as he grabs my hands, pulling them away from my face, and lifting my chin. “How do you feel now?”

“I never stopped loving you. Even when I pretended you didn’t exist. Even when I thought you were dead. Even when you tied me to a goddamn chair. I never stopped loving you.”

He falls to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around my legs, his head falling onto my thighs. “I’m a father.”

More tears fall down my cheeks, landing in his blond locks cradled in my lap. I cry as I feel his body shaking, a moistness hitting my bare thighs. “To the best little girl anyone could ask for.”

He raises his head and looks up at me. “You loved me?”

My hands go into his hair as I see a yearning in his eyes, a need that I have always felt into the depths of my soul. “How could I not?”

He pulls me down into his lap, my legs straddled around his hips. “I love you,” he says softly, his palm cupping my jaw. “I’ve loved you since we met. I just didn’t know it at the time. It wasn’t until someone tried to tell me what love was. I saw it in her face and I knew. I knew that the whole damn time I was in love with you. And even to that day three years ago when I asked that woman what it felt like to be in love, I knew that I still loved you.”

More tears fall from my eyes as my heart clenches at his words. “What does this mean for us, Kilian? We can’t… you and I… it’s not—”

His finger covers my lips. “We’ll figure it out. All of it.”

“We’ll both end up dead.”

He chuckles as his thumbs wipe away my tears. “If you knew the other side of me, you would know that isn’t an option.”

I grip his shirt, pulling his chest closer to me. “I want to know that side of you. I want to know everything. No more secrets. No more lies.”

His lips brush against mine. “You and me, Bella. Anam cara.”

I crash my lips into his. I need as much of this man as I can get. I need all of him. The other half of my soul.

I push him back against the floor as I grind my hips into him. His hands trail down my back until they are cupping my ass. I assault his mouth, pouring every single one of my feelings into him. Like I am making up for ten years without him. Without the man that changed my entire life.

He growls as I bite his lip and he flips us over so he’s on top of me. The steel in his pants driving hard against my silk pajama shorts. His hands grab my wrists, pinning them to the floor as he licks and sucks his way across my neck.

“Your body has always been made for me, Bella. Only you. It’s only ever been you.”

I moan as his lips make their way down to my nipple, sucking the peak into his mouth through the silk of my top. “I’m all yours, Kilian. Always yours.”

He shifts abruptly, his hands on my hips as he jumps off the floor, then pressing me into my bed. “ Bellissima ,” he groans into my neck before pulling my top off me, exposing my breasts to the cool night air.

I wrap my legs around his hips, grinding into every suckle he makes on my chest as I pull his T-shirt over his head. I glide my hands down his tattooed chest and abs, my fingers playing with the happy trail that disappears into his pants. I grab his buckle, making quick work of his leather belt before I have his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped and my hand is wrapped around his velvet steel.

He moans against my nipples before his mouth makes its way down my stomach. His hands pushing my shorts down as far as they will go with my legs locked around his hips. He grins when he sees my bare pussy and wastes no time latching on to my clit.

I grab a pillow and shove it over my face to make sure I don’t wake up Aria as Kilian shoves two fingers into me while his tongue laps through my folds. My entire body is on fire as I pulse against him, my orgasm so close. He chuckles against my clit before pushing my legs off him and kneeling back on his haunches.

“Why… are… you... stopping?” I pant as he pulls the pillow off my face.

“You’re so beautiful when you come. I need to see that pretty face of yours.”

“And I am going to scream so loud the neighbors will call the cops. What do you think will happen if Aria hears?”

He smiles then sucks his fingers coated in me into his mouth. “Mmm. You are just going to have to stay quiet, doll.”

I writhe against him as he calls me the name he knows I hate. But for some reason, it’s turning me on more. He shakes his head as he climbs off the bed, pulling my shorts the rest of the way off. He kicks his pants and shoes off before he crawls over me, pressing his body weight against me. “Maybe I just wanted you to come all over my dick.”

“I always come—” I can’t even finish the sentence as he slams into me. The orgasm hitting me so hard my scream is silent.

“There’s my girl.”

His mouth latches on to mine, his kisses soft and languid as he picks up his rhythm. I meet him thrust for thrust, my legs wrapped around him, my hands digging into his scalp, his hands gripping my face. He hits me in just the right spot, I can already feel another climax building and I know he is close too, by the shift in his hips.

“Open your eyes,” he whispers against my lips.

I do as he says and see the love pouring into mine as I realize this isn’t us fucking. This is on an entirely different level. We keep our gazes transfixed on each other as we both reach the precipice.

He collapses onto me, his mouth against my ear. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met and will ever meet. You are mine. I love you.”

I can’t help the tears that form. “I love you too, Kilian.”

* * *

“Tell me about her,” Kilian says to me as we both lay spent on my bed after three rounds of the most intense sex we’ve ever had. His hand plays with my hair as I trace circles along his abs.

“I’ve already told you about her.”

“Tell me more.”

I smile as I look up at him. “You’ll just have to find out everything from her at breakfast in the morning.”

His teeth snap at my lips. “Breakfast? You’re letting me stay?”

“I want you to meet her. You’re her father.”

His eyes turn sullen. “What if she doesn’t like me? What if she wants nothing to do with me?”

“That won’t happen. She will probably hate me for keeping you a secret. Keeping you to myself for the last months.”

His finger runs along my jawline. “We don’t have to tell her that.”

“I think she will love you, Kilian. She’s a part of both of us. And I know her. I know you. God, I wish I had told you sooner.”

He cups my jaw. “There are a lot of things we should have told each other. But we can’t change what happened to us. We can only change our future.”

I smile at him then lean forward to brush my lips against his. “Her middle name is Niamh.”

“You named her after my grandmother?”

I shrug. “I wanted to feel close to you somehow. I needed that. For me. For her. And I knew my family would never question it. I went to school for languages. They knew I loved Ireland.”

“I love you,” he says to me, his lips caressing mine in the gentlest of kisses. His hand reaching around to cup my ass, pulling me into him.

“It’s just a name, Kilian.”

I can feel his length hardening against my stomach. “You know it means more than that.”

I swallow as I press a kiss to his chest. “I know.”

He pulls me on top of him and I waste no time sliding down on his length, making love to him. Because I know that this is easy, us right here, right now. But by morning things will change. And I need as much of him as I can get right now.