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13

MIRABELLA

I am laughing so hard I am sure the fish in the Mediterranean can hear me. It’s almost four in the morning and Kilian just poured the last of the whiskey into our glasses.

I feel alive again. Like I was in Dublin. The happy-go-lucky college girl who forgot about her family and the obligations she had. A girl who found her place in Ireland. In the pubs and restaurants, hiking in the mountains and rolling hills, opening her heart to a man.

“I can’t believe you dropped an entire pizza on the back of someone’s shirt.”

I hiccup as I laugh. “It was a white shirt too. And this woman was about ready to murder me. Who cares if I ruined her Chanel?”

Kilian throws his head back in laughter. “She sounded like a bitch anyway. I’m surprised she didn’t ask you to pay for it.”

“Oh she did.”

He shakes his head and laughs while picking up his glass. “This is the end of it.”

“I can’t believe we drank the whole bottle.”

He raises a brow at me. “We used to.”

“Ten years ago! I’m old now, Kilian. I am going to be so sick in the morning,” I say as I stand up and lean against the balcony railing.

He looks up from underneath his lashes. “You’re old? I’m forty-one. How do you think I’m going to feel?”

I shove his shoulder. “You’re Irish. You bleed whiskey. I’ve never seen you hungover.”

“I’m only half Irish. It has gotten harder over the years.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Whatever,” I slur, then knock my glass against his and finish off my drink.

He sets his glass down and stands, his hands going to my hips. My heart rate picks up when I see him staring down my bathrobe that has fallen open. Maybe I should have put on more appropriate clothes when I decided to drink with him.

“I can’t believe you still wear these robes.”

I blush. “I like the way they feel.”

“I know,” he says as he steps into me, pressing me against the railing. “That’s why I bought you one in the first place. Only silk sheets and silk robes for mo stór. ”

My treasure. He started calling me that one night when I coerced him to stop calling me doll.

His hands glide up the front of my robe, his fingers grazing my exposed breasts before he pulls the robe closed over my body. He presses a kiss to my collarbone.

I close my eyes. “Kilian, don’t call me that.” I sigh. “We can’t…”

“You should get some sleep,” he says as he steps back.

I can see the sadness in his eyes. I recognize it instantly. It’s not because I pushed him away. It’s the sadness I’ve felt the last ten years knowing I ruined a good thing. That I let this man slip between my fingers and I didn’t even give him a reason.

I watch as he looks at me one last time before walking to the door. He turns to face me, his shoulders slumped, his face full of sorrow. “It was good to see you again, Bella. Please be safe.”

He shuts the door. And tears start to slide down my face.

I can’t do this. Not again. I can’t let him out of my life. I know it’s impossible for us to be together. What we have is forbidden. But I’ve always been one to make a rash decision. Maybe we were meant to see each other again. So we could have this weekend. One last time for us to pretend.

I run to the door and pull it open, ready to chase after him. But he is standing right in front of the door. His face in a scowl like he is trying to figure out what to do.

“What are you doing?” I ask breathlessly.

“Figuring out if I should make the stupidest decision of my life and walk away.”

A smile cracks on my face. “Don’t.”

He looks up at me and I don’t see the man he is now; I see the man from ten years ago. The one who stole my heart and changed my entire life.

“Bella.” My name falls from his lips in a plea.

I don’t know who reaches for the other first. Our lips crash together. His unique taste of peppermint and whiskey flooding my senses. And it’s like an inferno. My entire body lights up, a burning flame of desire and passion entwining myself into him.

His tongue pushes into my mouth, rough and forceful. His need demanding as his grip tightens around my body.

We scramble backward until his body weight is pressing into mine on the bed. His lips moving to my neck, my clavicle, my chest. I thrust my hips into his. Needing him as much as he is needing me. It’s like the ten years apart were forgotten and I’m in his house in Dublin.

“As much as I love seeing you in this silk robe, I need it off,” he says as he pulls it open, revealing the lace teddy underneath. “Fuck, woman, you still wear these things?”

I laugh as I watch his eyes fill with lust as he takes in my lingerie-clad body. “Every day.”

He growls as his hands glide up and down the lace. “No man is ever allowed to see you in this but me.”

I want to tell him no man ever has. That even when I went on a few dates over the years, I always wore boring panties and bras. It always felt wrong to let a man see me in lingerie after Kilian. “You don’t have control over me.”

His hands drift up my body and he twists my nipples hard. I yelp at the pain. “I do now.”

Before I have the chance to argue with him, he has me moaning as he sucks one of my nipples into his mouth, flicking his tongue over the lace. He switches his mouth to the other side and his fingers pull on my wet nipple, twisting and pinching until I am squirming underneath him.

“You always loved when I played with your tits, Bella.”

I moan at the loss of his mouth on me. “I loved when you played with any part of my body.”

He smiles at me, his blond locks falling onto his forehead. “Oh I remember. I remember all of it. Every night. Every morning. Every damn second of the time you allowed me to use you as my own personal toy.” His fingers trail down my stomach and across my hip bone before tickling the inside of my thighs. “And I plan on making you remember everything I did to your body.”

“Show me your best.”

He smiles at me devilishly. “Oh, Bella, I’m here to show you my worst.”

His mouth dives back onto mine. His teeth biting and sucking my lips and tongue. I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him against me.

He pulls the sash of my robe out from under me and before I know it, my wrists are pinned above my head and he is binding them tightly while his lips never leave mine. He pushes my arms up as far as they’ll go, causing my back to arch off the bed.

“You’ve always been so pliant and flexible, doll. So submissive. So willing to do anything I ask you to,” he murmurs against my lips.

“Since when do you ask?”

He pulls back and slaps my left breast. “I missed this dirty mouth of yours. The one that likes to talk back.”

“Then maybe you should stop talking and kiss me,” I say as I press my body toward him.

He laughs. “I have better plans.”

He rolls off me so quickly I miss the feeling of his body heat against me. He disappears from my sight for a second and a sudden wave of anxiety hits me.

What am I doing? I shouldn’t be doing this with this man. I shouldn’t risk both of our lives over one more night with him. I can’t risk Aria’s life.

“I see that look on your face, doll.”

I look around for him but I don’t see him. I only hear the clink of his belt buckle and the sound of a shirt falling to the ground.

“Don’t doubt this, Bella. Don’t doubt us.”

“We can only do this one night, Kil. One night and then we have to go back to pretending none of this is real.”

He comes sauntering back into my vision, completely naked. “Last I checked, you were here for a weekend. So it looks like you better be prepared for what I have in store for you.”

I swallow down my lust. “What do you have in store for me?”

He smirks as he leans over the side of the bed, his face inches from mine. “You are just going to have to find out.” The knife I threw at him appears in his hand. “First order of business, you have entirely too many clothes on.”

I bite the side of my cheek as he presses the dull side of the knife against my chest. Then twists it and cuts the fabric between my breasts. “Such beautiful olive skin. You shouldn’t cover it up.” The knife slides down my stomach as it rips apart the lingerie. I hold my breath when it reaches just above my slit. I look into his eyes and see the mysterious man I fell for over ten years ago. The side of his mouth curls into a smile as he watches me watch him, just as he flicks the knife through the lace covering my pussy. The cold edge of the blade against my center making me shiver.

“You better buy me new lingerie,” I huff.

“We’ll see,” he mutters, tossing the knife to the side then dragging his hands up my body. “Much better.” His rough fingers glide up my arms before twisting around the sash on my wrists. He pulls it backward, pulling me over the edge of the bed, my wrists almost reaching the floor as my head hangs off the side. “Now that’s even better.”

He brings one of his hands along my jawline before pulling my mouth open. “Now show me what I have been missing from this filthy mouth of yours.”

Before I even have time to take a deep breath, he leans over and shoves his hard cock into my mouth. I gag as gravity pulls it down my throat. Kilian’s hands make their way over my body. Pinching my nipples, grazing my thighs, and teasing my pussy.

He pulls out of my mouth long enough to let me breathe before he plunges back in. This time I’m ready and I welcome his girth into my throat. I hollow out my cheeks as I suck him in, pulling and pulling until his hands are gripping my thighs like a vise.

“Woman, are you trying to swallow my dick?”

I graze my teeth along the underside of his cock, where I remember a thick vein runs. He shudders from the movement as his hands find their way to my slick center.

He brushes a finger through my slit and I moan against his dick. “I see you haven’t forgotten the right way to use that mouth.”

He shifts his hips, causing his cock to go even deeper into my mouth. I start to gag but then I feel his lips graze my core. An aching need shoots through my limbs as I wait for his tongue to dive inside of me. Just when I think I can’t take the teasing anymore, his tongue circles my clit.

“Fuck, Bella, you taste better than I remember.” His lips vibrate against me before he bites on my clit so hard I arch off the bed, screaming his name as best I can when my mouth is wrapped around his cock. He plunges three fingers into me and every single nerve in my entire body ignites in flames. I can’t take the pleasure, it’s been too long and this is by far too much for my body to take. My head falls back farther against the side of the bed, his dick falling from my mouth as I let out the loudest guttural scream I’ve ever had in my entire life.

I feel Kilian chuckling against my core before he pulls his fingers from me and stands up. “Goddamn, woman. Everyone on this island had to of heard you scream.”

He pulls my body up then sits on the bed next to me, untying my wrists. “Do I need to gag you so I can put my dick into this tight pussy?” He slaps my center and I almost come again.

I shrug as I climb onto his lap, straddling him. “I guess you’re just going to have to find out.”

His lips crash to mine and I can taste myself on him. The tanginess of myself mixed with the spiciness of his kiss. He lifts me up and guides his dick to my entrance. “Are you ready for me, Bella?”

I wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ve waited ten years for you, Kilian. I’m more than ready.”

He grins at me with that boyish smile I fell for right away just as he takes my hips and slams them down on his cock. I bite my lip to hold in my scream. I forgot how big he was, how much he stretches me. I can feel every inch of him pulsing against me.

“Ride me, Bella,” he whispers into my ear.

I don’t hesitate as I start lifting my hips and lowering them, my pace changing from slow to hard with every thrust. His teeth bite hard into my shoulder as I tease him with tiny circles of my hips. I know he is close by the way he quickens the pace, the way his fingernails are leaving crescent moons on my hips.

He growls as he tosses me onto my back. He lifts both my legs to his shoulders as he pounds into me. His feral groans spurring my own need to come again. I let the sensation burn through my limbs and I hold on as long as I can until I explode around him.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters as he slams into me three more times. I feel his hot release inside of me and I groan at the feeling. It’s been far too long since I’ve been with a man but nothing and no one has ever compared to the way Kilian owns my body.

He collapses on top of me, his lips on my neck. “There is something about you, Bella. You do something to me every damn time. And I’ve never had anyone like you in all these years.”

My heart seizes at his words. Disappointment taking over. I know he’s been with women since me. And I am sure he can’t even count how many. I never thought I would see him again but I held on to some false hope that I would. I only slept with one man after him. And I regretted it instantly. Like my body was only ever meant to be with him.

But his comment has me crawling inside myself, letting doubt and fear take over. I never should have done this with him. Never should have let him touch me.

I push him off me and grab my robe from the bed before heading into the bathroom. I splash water on my face and pat it dry.

You can do this, Bella.

Hell, now even I am calling myself that. I wrap my robe around me. I shouldn’t be mad at him. I know he slept with other women. I am the one that left him with no way to contact me. For weeks I hid in my room at the family estate and cried. When I couldn’t take it anymore, when Dante was giving me strange looks, I knew I had to let Kilian go completely.

I brush my hair out and retie it up on my head. I have no claim to him now like I had no claim to him then. We are both free to do what we want. To sleep with who we want. Maybe I should be looking for a man. At least one to provide me with the sexual services I need.

Why is my head even going there? I need to get Kilian out of my room, out of my mind, out of my life.

You can do this.

I tell myself one more time before readjusting the tie on my robe and opening the bathroom door.

I find Kilian sitting on the edge of the bed. His elbows on his knees and a sadness on his face. “I’m sorry, Bella. I shouldn’t have said that. Not that way.”

I cross my arms and lean into the doorway. “I left you. You were free to sleep with whomever you wanted.”

“Yeah, but I don’t need to tell you about it.”

I shrug. “We never planned to see each other again, Kilian, so I have no claim over you. You can sleep with whatever women you wish.”

He sighs as he runs his hands through his hair. “When you left…”

“We weren’t in a relationship, Kilian.” I cut him off but know my words will cut deeper. It’s the truth though. We weren’t together, not really. We fucked for almost two years. Our relationship consisted of whiskey and late nights, silk and secrets. But we never considered ourselves in a relationship. We were two people looking for a release.

“You know it was more than what you are making it out to be.”

I snort. “Says the man in one of the largest international crime organizations. Is that what you were really doing all those times you were in Dublin? Doing whatever it is you do instead of telling me you were there to see your sick grandmother?”

I watch his fists clench before he snaps his eyes up at me. “And what were you doing there? Trying to find secrets for your family. Lying to my face the whole time.”

“And you weren’t?” I snap.

He stands and I can’t help but take in his perfect form. The tattoos that cover his shoulders and chest that lead down to his six-pack. The man is lean but all muscle. My eyes drop further to the vee leading to his favorite part of his body. I’m so busy studying him that I don’t see him lift his arm. He grabs my chin in a strong hold. “So you were working for them then and now?”

“What?” I ask, forgetting what the hell we were arguing about.

“How long have you been working for them, Mirabella?”

I wince at the sound of my real name on his lips. “I’ve never worked for them. Not in Dublin and not now.”

“Then why did you leave?”

I close my eyes. “Please, Kilian, anything but that.” I can’t tell him. Not now. Who knows if I ever will. I can’t let him know about Aria. Now with the risk as great as it is between our two worlds.

He drops my chin but grabs my hips, pulling me into him. “I searched for you, Bella. I spent three years trying to find you. I swear I went crazy looking for you. My friend, Bastian, called me a fool. He said if you didn’t want to be found you wouldn’t be. I paid one of my men a lot of money but even he couldn’t find you. He can find anyone.”

“How did you find me in Cefalù then?”

“I didn’t. I was looking for your brother.” He lifts my chin. “Seeing you again woke something in me, Bella. It reminded me of the man I used to be. The one I was with you all those years ago. Don’t ever downplay what we had back then. Because we might not have called it what it was but you know what it was.” His forehead falls to mine. “You know.”

A tear crests my eye. I hate how this man brings out so many emotions in me. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t want to leave. It wasn’t my choice.”

“Your family?” he asks, pulling back and looking into my eyes.

I nod. “They forced me back to Italy. I-I ran to Dublin. I felt like it was so far from home. I remember going there as a kid with my parents and staying in a castle. I thought it was so magical. When they died, when my uncle became my guardian, I wanted nothing more than to get away.” I rest my head against Kilian’s chest as he pulls me into him. His chin lands on my head as his hand trails up and down my back. “It was the nicest Giancarlo has ever been to me. He let me go there after I begged and pleaded. I wanted to study—”

“Languages.”

I tilt my head up at Kilian. “You remember?”

“I remember every one of our nights in Dublin. Including those where I watched your naked ass on my bed as you studied.”

“You distracted me. A lot. I wouldn’t call it studying.”

His fingers leave a trail of chills down my back until he reaches my ass and squeezes. “I couldn’t get enough of you.”

“Thank goodness you finally brought me those robes or I would have failed out of school.”

“I’m glad you still wear them. Although I think you should take this one off.”

I let out a soft chuckle into his chest.

“Please continue. Tell me about Dublin.”

“I—”

“Wait,” he cuts me off. He lifts me up and carries me to the bed. He settles next to me and then pulls my head into his lap.

“You know it would probably be better if you put your briefs back on.”

“You don’t like my dick in your hair?” he jokes.

“Kilian!”

“Alright.” He throws his hands up and grabs the sheet and pulls it over him. “Better?”

“Yes.”

“So how was I never able to find you after you left Dublin?”

“Like I said, Giancarlo was nice to me for maybe the only time in his life. Maybe it was guilt over my parents’ death—”

“Guilt?”

“You are still unbelievably talented at interrupting stories,” I say as I pinch his arm.

He swats me away. “Sorry. Please continue.”

“I don’t have proof or anything other than a gut feeling that Giancarlo had my parents killed. My father was his older brother. He would have taken over the family once my grandfather died. And my grandfather was sick. It was only a matter of time.” I pause, remembering those days when I felt so lost without my mother. “Anyway, he let me go to Trinity. My parents had told me I could go there. My mother excited for me to get out of the country and experience a different life. Giancarlo was able to get me registered under a false name, he got me all the documents, everything I needed.”

“And that’s why I was never able to find you.”

I nod. “When I went back to my family’s estate, I went back to being Mirabella Renzetti.”

“When did you change your name to Di Masio?”

I stare at the ceiling, the memory of me realizing I had to find a way to hide the baby. I was nearly two months pregnant and I had to find a way to lie. “I couldn’t stand being there. Too many bad memories. I fought Giancarlo tooth and nail to let me leave. My grandmother’s home in Cefalù was unoccupied. It was mine by right. So I convinced him once again to let me leave.”

Kilian’s fingers run up and down my arm, into my palm, and then back up. “You must be a master negotiator.”

I snort. “If only it still worked on him. He’s only gotten more ruthless as the years have gone by. Of course, Aria has learned some master negotiating and manipulation skills. She had to have gotten those from me, although…”

I almost said you are good at negotiating too. I don’t know why I even brought her up.

“Aria is a beautiful name. How old is she?”

I swallow back my anxiety. “She’ll be nine in April.”

He’s silent after I say that and I pray to God he is not doing math. Not figuring out the time line from when I left to when I had her. So instead I say the stupidest thing to cover up my slip. “I was so mad when I got back to Genoa. I never wanted to be around my uncle or my cousins, so I snuck out almost every night. I got drunk and hooked up with some random guy. I never even knew his name.”

Kilian’s hand freezes on my arm before he takes it away. He’s quiet once again and when I look at him he’s looking out the balcony doors, his jaw tight, anger prevalent across his features.

Why didn’t I just lie about her age? Instead of saying I slept with someone right after I left Dublin. I bite my lip, not sure what to say to him.

I wait for nearly ten minutes before he says, “I think you should get some rest.”

He goes to move but I clamp down on his wrist. “Kilian, please.”

“Please what?” he asks me through clenched teeth.

“Stay.”

“I have some work to do.” He climbs out of the bed and grabs his clothing. I watch as he slides on his pants and his shirt, leaving it open. “I’ll see you later.”

I watch as he walks out of the room, more upset than he was when he walked out the first time.

I turn the lights off and grip a pillow as I try to fall asleep. It’s nearly morning already, the sun turning the sky orange. I should close the curtains, black out the room so I can sleep. But all I can think about is that maybe I should have told him the truth about Aria.