Page 35 of Rebel Secrets (Devils Hockey #3)

“How are you making out with your businesses?” she said. “Are they doing well? The town seems pretty small to support both.”

Like my therapist suggested, I took a few seconds to think about my response, to not react out of hurt or anger. Mom hadn’t really said anything that I hadn’t considered myself, hadn’t questioned my judgement. She’d asked a question.

“Actually, we’re doing well. The bakery is growing every month, and we just hired a full-time employee at the bookstore.”

“Do you work here alone? Seems like too much for one person to handle alone.”

Another breath. “This is our slow time, so the staff usually take a couple of hours before the lunch rush.”

Mom nodded, still walking around the room until she stood next to me.

In her heels, she stood a couple of inches taller than me.

Her hair remained its natural blonde with some chemical help, but she still looked…

perfect. Her makeup looked professionally done, even though I knew she did it herself every morning.

She never went anywhere without it, but she didn’t wear a lot.

She had that old-money look you couldn’t get from makeup alone. You had to be born into it.

My sister looked a lot like my mom. Blonde and blue-eyed. Straight nose and perfect cheekbones. She’d had the ice princess thing down from the moment she could walk. Our brother took after our dad. Tall, fair hair, handsome.

None of them expressed emotion well. And not one of them had a problem with it.

I looked like my great-grandmother on my mom’s side. Actually, if you looked at pictures of us side-by-side through the years, it’d be hard to tell us apart, except for the fact that my teeth were perfectly straight thanks to braces.

My grandmother had been an immigrant who’d fallen for her employer’s son. That story had had a happy ending, thankfully. My parents had married because their parents had decided they’d make a perfect match. They did.

I just didn’t seem to fit.

“You look tired.” My mom’s gaze swept me up and down, and I felt the old resentment and hurt bubbling up. “You need to take better care of yourself. I worry about you here all alone, taking care of your grandfather alone. You both should be back in New York, where your family can help.”

You know she means well. You know she means well. You know she means well.

“Granddad and I have each other. We’re fine. We’re happy here.”

I wish that hadn’t come out as defensive as it sounded. I winced when my mom’s brows arched again.

Two brow arches already. Wow, you’re killing it today.

She took another look around the kitchen, as if it could tell her more than my words.

“You’ve made a good start here,” she said, before giving me a brief smile. “If you need us, you know your father and I will be ready to help you with whatever you need.”

I knew that. I just wish I didn’t feel like she thought I couldn’t handle this one on my own. Hurt twined around my heart, but I refused to let it take root. I had the sense that she meant well, and I tried to focus on that.

“I…Thanks, Mom. I’m really glad you had time to stop by. I’m just sorry I don’t have more time to spend with you. I’ve got to get these lunches made for the hockey campers.”

She didn’t say anything for several seconds, before nodding and giving me a slight smile. Then she shocked the hell out of me by stepping up to give me a hug. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me close.

My mom wasn’t a hugger. She was a cheek kisser, never really comfortable with PDA as I got older. And it wasn’t just me. My brother and sister got the same treatment. They never seemed to mind. As I’d gotten older, I’d realized it was a Her problem and not a Me problem.

My arms wrapped around her, and I hugged her back, a happy little smile curving my lips. Then she pulled back and patted my cheek before she turned to walk out of the kitchen.

I couldn’t help myself. I followed, watched her lean down to kiss my granddad and pat him on the shoulder.

“Don’t be a stranger, Daddy. You know James and I would love to have you visit. And you know there’s always room for you in our home.” Then she turned to Rebel. “It was nice to meet you, Mr. Lawrence.”

Before she walked out the door, she turned to look at me once more. “See you at the wedding, dear.”

I faked a smile and nodded, watching until she got in her car and drove away.

My head spinning, I turned and headed back to the kitchen, way too much swimming through my brain at the moment.

I took a few deep breaths before I grabbed a knife and started slicing the rolls so I could make the sandwiches.

After a few seconds, I saw movement in the doorway and looked up to see Rebel push through the swinging door. He didn’t speak as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.

Emotions swirled inside of me, so many I couldn’t pick them apart. Surprise. Shock. A little guilt.

And now Rebel stood there, staring at me.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I pointed the knife at Rebel.

“If you’re here for the lunches, they’re not ready yet.”

His lips quirked in what passed for a smile from him.

“You going to carve me up and put me in the sandwiches? I don’t think I’d taste too good, although after leaving them with Bonesaw and Ian for the morning, the kids might appreciate seeing me carved up.”

It was such a bad joke that I really shouldn’t laugh. But I did. It almost sounded like a bark, and my hand shot up to my mouth to cover it. Luckily, it wasn’t the one holding the knife.

He waited a beat before he said, “You okay?”

Was I crazy to think he actually cared? Or was I seeing what I wanted to see and not what was truly there? But if he didn’t care, why was he here?

I shook my head, though that wasn’t my answer to his question. “I just feel like I’m never enough for her.”

Well, shit. That was way more than I’d wanted to reveal. And probably more than he’d wanted to know. But he was here, and I needed to talk. No, I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay. That was so ridiculous, I should be ashamed of myself.

“Why do you think that?”

I rolled my eyes. “Just forget I said that.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Don’t you need to get back to camp?”

He shrugged. “Ian and Bonesaw have it covered.”

“Rebel, I need some space.”

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Grr, this wasn’t the conversation I wanted to be having now. I didn’t want to be having any conversation now. Not with him.

Liar.

“I haven’t been avoiding you.” Yes, you have. “I’ve been busy.”

His gaze dropped to my lips, and the by-now familiar heat rolling through my body in waves. I wanted to kiss him. Or I wanted him to kiss me. I didn’t really care which way that went, but I had no idea where we stood, what was going to happen with us. He was leaving?—

“Erin.”

“Yes.”

That was definitely an answer to a question he hadn’t asked. If he was asking me if he could kiss me, that was my answer. If he was asking me to leave with him and get naked, that was also my answer.

He pushed away from the wall and closed the distance between us. My heart pounded harder with every step he took until it was in my throat when he stood only inches away from me.

“We need to talk. You can’t avoid me forever. And you’re fucking amazing. Don’t forget that. Don’t let her make you feel less than. Because you’re fucking not.”

While I struggled to breathe, he turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Well, damn.

I just fell completely in love.

Oh, man, I was so screwed.