Page 28 of Rebel Secrets (Devils Hockey #3)

Chapter Nineteen

A week after the wedding

R ebel

“Rebel, how are you? I hope your brother’s wedding went well.”

“Hey, Coach. The wedding was great. Thanks for asking.”

Redtails coach Cory was on the other end of the line.

Cory and I had known each other for years, though he was older than me by a decade.

He’d never played for the Devils, but if you got paid to play hockey and you played in a certain area of the country for most of your life, you got to know the players no matter what league you were in.

It was how I’d gotten the call to play with the Redtails, even though I hadn’t come up through the ECHL.

I didn’t have a clue why he was calling, though.

“I’m glad to hear it. And look, I know this call is out of the blue, but I know you haven’t signed your contract yet. And I know the deadline isn’t until next week, but I wanted to touch base.”

And shit. I really didn’t want to have this conversation. I still didn’t have a clue what I was going to do about that contract.

“I just want you to know how well you played last season and how much you added to the team.”

It took me a couple seconds to respond. That’s not what I’d been expecting to hear. Part of me had thought maybe they’d rescind the offer. Honestly, it would make it easier on me if they did. With everything leading up to Rowdy’s wedding, I hadn’t had time to think about what I was going to do.

Liar.

Okay, I hadn’t wanted to think about what I was going to do.

“Thanks. That’s…nice to hear.”

“I know I might be out of line, but I feel there’s some hesitancy on your part to coming back.

I could be totally off base, and this is not me pressuring you.

Hell, this isn’t even me calling as your coach.

This is just me telling you that you added value to the team last year, and I wanted you to know that. ”

Well, shit. “I appreciate it. And honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing yet. I’ve got a lot to think about.”

“You know I’m here to talk if you need a sounding board. Hey, tell your dad hi. And Reb? Make the decision that’s right for you.”

I was still thinking about what Cory had said the next day when I went to the arena to meet with the high school hockey coach and talk about the upcoming camp. Yeah, I was doing it. Of course I was.

The amount of times the coach thanked me was embarrassing, but the guy cared about his kids. Couldn’t fault him for that.

“I’m just glad to be able to help out,” I said as he finally stood and shook my hand. “I’m looking forward to it.”

He reminded me of the coaches I’d had growing up, of all the camps I’d attended, that my parents had sent us to simply because my brothers and I loved the game.

Rowdy and I had attended most of them together.

I remembered them as some of the best times of my life. I wouldn’t fuck that up for these kids.

I wasn’t surprised to see my dad standing in the hall as I opened the door to let the coach out.

He and I had met in Pop’s office. They talked for a few minutes, making it clear they knew each other pretty well.

I wasn’t surprised. I swore Pop knew everyone in town, and if that was an exaggeration, it was only slight.

“You got a few minutes,” Pop said after the coach disappeared down the stairs to the front lobby.

“Yep. Something up?”

Pop shook his head, and we headed back into the office, this time with Pop behind the desk. It was his office, after all. At least for a few more months.

I rubbed at the dull throb in my chest.

“Something wrong?” Pop’s brows arched.

I put my hand down. “No.” Except for the fact that he was retiring, and life was throwing me curveballs from every angle recently. “What’s up?”

He settled back in his chair, a sign that I should get comfortable.

“You make up your mind about your contract yet?”

And that was Pop. No lead up. Just dive right in. That ache in my chest migrated to my gut, tightening like a vise. I wondered if he’d read my mind or just had really fucking good instincts.

Shaking my head, I huffed out a laugh. “As a matter of fact, Coach Cary called yesterday.”

Pop just nodded, like he’d already known. “And? You wanna talk about it?”

I leaned back in my chair and thought about it for a second. “I’m not sure.”

Of course, Pop understood that those three words covered a hell of a lot of ground.

“Fair enough. Your mom said you’re taking Krista out to dinner tonight. I love that little girl but, damn, she wears me out.”

Rowdy and Tressy had left for their honeymoon to Greece two days ago, and Krista was staying with my parents for one of those weeks.

She was spending the following week with Tressy’s mom and sister in New York.

Mom had called yesterday to ask if I’d take Krista to dinner one night while they were gone.

“She specifically asked if Uncle Rowdy could take her one a date,” my mom had said. “She’s a trip, that one.”

I said I’d pick her up tonight at five. Mom had called me a sweetheart and said I should be there around quarter-of-five. Krista had to be up early to go to swim lessons.

Apparently, that would be the best date I’d have all week. Erin and I had exchanged exactly three texts since the wedding. I’d asked her Sunday night to meet me for dinner one day this week. She’d texted back that she’d have to check her calendar and let me know. She’d never gotten back to me.

I’d decided to give her a few days to process everything, also known as the night we’d spent fucking each other’s brains out. Hell, I was still processing. And dreaming about it. Every time I fell asleep, I was back in my old bedroom with Erin naked and all over me. Yeah, I woke up with a hard on.

And that was definitely not what I should be thinking about. But my brain just would not stop bringing her up.

“Thought I’d take her for pizza. And a trip to the bookstore.”

Pop nodded. “She’ll love that. I think she might love books almost as much as Rain and Rowdy.” He paused for a second. “Erin’s done some good things for this town. Took her awhile to find her place here, but I think she’s gotten her footing. She and your sister make good partners.”

Was he fishing for information? I wouldn’t put it past him, but there was no way he could know about Erin and me. If anyone in town had found out about us, Rain would’ve known by now. And I would’ve gotten my ass handed to me.

“They do.”

“You two bury the hatchet? You seemed pretty civil at the wedding.”

“Civil’s my middle name.”

Pop’s laughter bellowed out, filling the empty spaces in the room and making me grin. My brothers and sister and I would make bets about who could make Pop laugh more. Usually it’d been Rowdy. Whenever I got him to laugh, it felt like I’d climbed a mountain. Probably because we were a lot alike.

“I don’t know that I want to go back, Pop.”

His lips still held a little curve. “There a reason for that?”

Yeah. Several. Some that had to do with him. I leaned forward, elbows on my knees and looked at the floor for a few seconds, trying to find the right words.

He was retiring from the team he’d built from the ground up. I’d thought he’d be around forever. His retirement was a reminder that he wouldn’t.

“I’m not sure…” I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m not sure I’m enjoying it enough.”

Pop didn’t say anything right away, his gaze laser-focused on me. As a kid, that look had made me go deer-in-the-headlights because I’d done something stupid that required a Pop talk. Stupid kid shit, like being out after curfew or cow-tipping or shooting targets at midnight in the woods.

This wasn’t like any of those other times. This was more like the time he’d come to college when I’d crashed out. But I wasn’t an anxiety ridden twenty-year-old anymore. I was a grown-ass adult with a major decision to make and no idea what I was going to do.

“Okay, so what do you enjoy about it?” Pop folded his hands over his stomach, his classic listening position.

I didn’t have to give that much thought. “I like the level of play. It’s a challenge. I like challenges.”

Like Erin.

Nope, not what we’re talking about.

Pop nodded. “Okay, what else?”

“I like the guys. I like the coach.”

“All good things.”

“Yeah.”

“But…”

I took a deep breath. “It’s not home. It doesn’t feel like home. This is home.”

Pop’s expression didn’t change. “You’ve been there less than a year.”

“I know.” I shoved a hand through my hair, trying not to look as frustrated as I felt. “I know I should give it more time. I don’t want to feel like I’m giving up. I don’t want to be that guy who had this great opportunity and was too afraid to take it.”

“ Are you afraid? There’s a difference between being afraid and knowing what you want.”

“That’s the problem. I’m not sure I know what I want.”

“I think you know what you want.” Pop’s smile was barely visible, but it was there.

“But I think you’ve told yourself you should want something else for so long that you started to believe it.

I know it might seem like you don’t know what you want, but it’s not true.

Rebel, you have always known what you wanted.

And you went after it, even when it was the most difficult thing in the world for you to do. ”

“I’ve fucked up a lot.”

He slashed a hand through the air. “Hell, kid, everyone fucks up. You hit a rough patch in college, but you didn’t let it define you. You fought back and look at you now.”

I snorted. “Sitting here bitching to you about attaining a goal so many other guys would sacrifice their first born for.”

Got another laugh from Pop for that one. I enjoyed the hell out of it.

“I don’t think they’d go that far but, yeah, you got a break. But it was a break you’ve busted your ass to get. You earned it, Reb. You’ve got skill, sure, but you also have drive. It’s made you a damn good hockey player. But you know that’s not all there is to life.”

That’s all there’d been in my life. I mean, I had my family, but there’d been no woman for a long time.

Yeah, there’d been dates and one-night stands, but I hadn’t found one woman who either wanted to put up with me or who I saw myself spending my life with.

If I was going to have a relationship with a woman, I wasn’t just looking for companionship.

I wanted what my parents had. I wanted long-term.

I wanted forever. And I hadn’t found anyone who came close to being that person.

Until now.

The thought sat in my brain like an itch I couldn’t scratch. Was I really going to go there with Erin? And if I did, what did that mean for my career? I wasn’t looking to do long-distance. And Erin was tied here.

All the more reason not to start something, to write off the wedding night as a fluke, a moment out of time.

But I didn’t want to. Even now, sitting here talking to my dad, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to know why I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Wanted to know what had changed between us. When that change had happened.

And what the hell we were going to do with it now.

“Something else on your mind, kid?”

Grinning, I shook my head. “Nothing I need your help with.”

“Then I probably don’t want to know.”

“Probably not.”

He nodded and I thought he’d drop it.

“You know, sometimes you can miss a good thing standing right in front of you.”

I chose to believe he was not talking about Erin. I couldn’t believe he knew anything about that night.

I nodded and stood, ready to leave. I had prep work I needed to do for camp, and I didn’t have a whole lot of time to do it. Pop remained behind the desk.

“Thanks again for taking the camp. I think you’ll have fun. Just…give yourself some grace on the other shit, kid. You got at least a couple weeks before you have to make a decision. Whatever it is, it’ll be the right one for you.”