Page 21

I willed myself not to cry. I missed my grandmama even all these years later.

“Um, my mama had me when she was fourteen, so naturally, my grandmama was heavily in my life. She threw my birthday parties, and my mother attended them because my grandmama told her if she didn’t, she would kick her out.

Well, my grandmama, Pearl, that was her name…

She died when I was six, so that was the last party. ”

He didn’t say anything to me. I always appreciated that he listened to others without interrupting them.

If he didn’t understand something, he would ask for clarification or restate what you said.

I asked him once where he learned that from.

He told me that active listening was a vital part of being a leader in general and in the streets.

He correlated it all back to reading the room.

How can you read a room if you don’t listen and understand the chatter in the room?

I wasn’t prepared when he asked me about my mother.

I thought about whether I wanted to tell him the whole story or an abridged version.

Well, he’s my man now. I don’t want him to think that I’m hiding myself from him.

At the backdoor of his house, I told him about the day that changed my entire life.

As I went more in-depth with the story, his arms tightened around me.

I didn’t realize my tears fell until he wiped them from my cheeks.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, love. No child should have to go through that fuck shit.” He kissed my forehead tenderly. “What did you say that nigga’s name was?”

A name that I would never forget. “His name is Logan Elliot. Both him and my mother went to jail, but they didn’t stay very long. Last I heard, both of them were out. I haven’t talked to my mother since she kicked me out, but she still lives in my grandmama’s house in Concord.”

Bet was all Lo’ak said before he loosened his grip on me. He turned toward Sully and Simone, who might as well had been in a private room.

“Aye, y’all stop that nasty shit in my house. Come on so we can jump in this shit.”

For the rest of the evening, it was birthday fun. Even if it were only for one day, we all got to be big kids with the kids. This was a side of these men that the street raised that no one outside of Simone and I would see until Joey and Ethan found their ones.

A Short Time Later…

Something was afoot, and I didn’t know what.

Lo’ak had been in the streets a lot more.

When he came home, he seemed more frustrated than I’d ever remembered him being.

I never took it personally and made sure I catered to him.

There was no need for me to bitch, and he’d been dealing with hell the entire day.

Since we made our relationship official, Joey and Ethan didn’t stay here with me all day.

I also started classes, so my day was filled.

One thing that I did appreciate was Lo allowed Lucas to go back to Mama Bee’s during the day.

He had Ethan drop and pick him up. That gave me time to work on my schoolwork and make sure the house was prepared for my boys to come home.

I had been on the blue book between my school and housework stuck on the people you may know section.

You could never convince me that the blue book did not listen to your conversations.

It wasn’t too long ago that Lo’ak and I had a conversation about my mother, and she popped up on my “people you may know list.” In all my years, she had never popped up.

The easiest thing to do was to click the button that said I didn’t know her, but I just couldn’t.

I felt like I had to look at her profile.

I went onto her page and snooped around.

Based on the post and pictures, much hadn’t changed about her.

At thirty-nine years old, Lakeisha Robinson appeared to be still for the streets.

She had pictures with her ass hanging out of her shorts and men’s hands on her ass.

We still were very much twins, which refreshed and annoyed me all at the same time.

“Wait. What? She had another child,” I said with a scrunched mouth.

It was a picture of her with a child on her hip. The boy had a birthday hat on with the number three on it.

“Who the fuck would have a damn baby with her?” My eyes dropped to the caption, and my heart felt like it would come out of my mouth.

Happy birthday baby boy LJ. Mommy and daddy loves you.

There was a person tagged on the message—Logan Elliot.

This bitch didn’t have a baby with the fucking man that tried to rape me!

The first comment that showed under the picture caught my attention.

The last name of the female who left the comment was Elliot, so I assumed that it was a relative of Logan’s.

Bitch, you on here acting like you take care of LJ. He lives with our mama because you and my brother are bum bitches.

Okay, the woman was Logan’s sister. My mother and the woman went back and forth for a while and other family members entered the foolishness to jump on Lakeisha for being a deadbeat mom.

“Wow, just wow!”

I clicked off the page feeling grateful in the sense that I got away from my mother when I did.

Just when I was about to jump off the blue book, I received a friend request from none other than Lakeisha Robinson.

Really, Facebook! If felt like there was a devil and an angel on my shoulder.

One told me fuck her while the other told me to have a forgiving heart.

Just when I was about to decline, I heard my grandmama voice.

Forgiveness is for you, not for the other person.

Alright, Grandma! If this lady is on some other bullshit, I’m coming to your grave to curse you out.

I confirmed the friendship then closed out of the app.

All of my discussion posts and assignments for my classes were done.

The first test in one of my classes was the other day, and I found out today that I passed it with a 98 percent.

That was amazing to me because it had been so long since I was in school that I was anxious. Let me get dinner together.

“Alright, lil man. Now, what you supposed to say to Mama?” Lo asked a whimpering Lucas after they came into our bedroom.

Lucas looked up at Lo, whose face was stoic with no smile in sight. My baby had tears streaming down his face. He stepped closer to me as he fidgeted with his fingers.

With his head down, he said, “Mama, I sorry?—”

“Nope, Jedi. How did I tell you men apologize?” Lo interrupted Lucas with his question. “Do it the right way, man.”

Lucas took a deep breath, used the back of his shirt sleeve to wipe his eyes, looked up at me, then poked his chest out.

“Mama, I ’pololize for throwing my plate on the floor and hitting you. I didn’t read the room. I never do it again. I love you.”

My chest filled with pride at his apology. I’d work with him on how to pronounce apologize later.

“I accept your apology. I love you too, baby.” I climbed off the bed and squatted down before I opened my arms. “Come give me a hug.”

He ran into my arms to wrap his arms around my neck.

I looked up at Lo, who wore a smile. Today, when Lucas came home from Mama Bee’s house, he decided that he just had to have chicken nuggets and fries for dinner.

That was not what I prepared for dinner, so that was not what we would eat.

When I told him no, he had the nerve to tell Ethan to go get him some.

Ethan told him no, so he started to show his ass.

I figured he just had a long day or missed his nap.

Fast forward to dinnertime when Lo was home, I set Lucas’s plate of spaghetti in front of him.

This little boy picked his plate up and threw it toward me.

When I grabbed him to lift him out of the booster seat, he hit me.

Lucas was far from a perfect two almost three-year-old, but he had never done anything like that.

Lo stood up, looked at me, then asked me one question— Can I handle my son?

After I gave him approval, he grabbed my baby up, went into the living room, and tore his behind up.

Well, he hit him across his bottom like five times.

After, he sat on the floor with Lucas and explained to him why he spanked him and what he did wrong.

My emotions were all over the place, so I went into the bedroom I shared with Lo.

I never had to spank Lucas. Sure, I gave him a pop here or there, but I never spanked him. What turned my emotions upside down was Lo’s cautious effort to explain why he spanked him. When I was younger, if my mother spanked me, she never cared to tell me why.

After Lucas loosened his arms from my neck, he turned around to face Lo. It was then that Lo’s smile broke through.

“Come here, man.” He scooped Lucas up in his arms and hugged him. “You did good, man. Remember, you can’t watch Little Einsteins for three sleeps, okay?”

“Okay. I ’pololize for not reading the room.” Lucas’s voice was soft as he kept eye contact with Lo.

Lo cupped the back of his head. “It’s alright, man. I don’t always read the room right.” We both laughed when Lucas dropped his mouth, and his eyelids widened. “Yeah, I don’t, but real men sit down, think about it, apologize if they have to, and do better next time.”

With a smile, Lucas said, “Okay, I do better next time. Three sleeps? Tonight is sleep one?”

“Yes, tonight is sleep one,” Lo confirmed. He kissed Lucas’s cheek. “Okay, we’re gonna go clean the floor before we all sit down and eat.”

Once my baby was on his feet, he ran out of the room after he told us that he would get the mop. He wasn’t allowed to get the cleaning products, but he could get the equipment.

“Thank you so much. I don’t know what happened. He’s been fussy since he got home.”

He pulled me into his arms by my ass.

“He’s two. Trust me. We got more hell upon us.” He kissed my lips. “It’s all about knowing how we deal with it. Wait until we have our lil girl.”

He let me go, smacked my ass, then told me to come on so that we could eat.

A lil girl?

During dinner, I decided it was a great time to broach a certain sensitive topic. Lo’ak was careful with his words when he was in front of Lucas. I wanted to use that to my advantage.

“Hey, baby. A little bit ago, my mother got in contact with me. She invited me to lunch, and I think I’m going to go.”

His eyes flicked upward from his plate for a brief second.

“No. That’s not going to work. We’ll talk about it later before we go to bed.”

He eyed me coldly, which let me know that he more than likely knew that I brought it up at that time to be slick. Observant niggas make me sick!