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Razor

I lift her sleeping form and carry her back to the bed, tucking her under the blankets.

Staring down at the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

I was a fucking fool to ever let her go.

I should never have convinced myself she was better off without me.

Had I been there for her, she wouldn’t have had to bear everything alone.

I could’ve held her as she cried herself to sleep at night.

I could’ve helped her care for her mom.

But she’s been struggling all alone, trying to make ends meet.

Having to stoop to stripping to pay the bills.

I want to fucking punch my lights out for leaving her out in the cold to fend for herself.

I want to cut my dick off for having betrayed her.

The look in her eyes still haunts me.

The utter despair when she saw me with those girls.

The absolute disappointment.

And the heartbreak. The pain sliced right through her, so deep I could feel it in my soul.

And there I stood with my dick down another girl’s throat.

Fuck, I was such a bastard.

I had it so fucking good.

I had something beyond sex with Kensy.

I had something beyond what most wish to find in their lifetime.

But I stupidly threw it away.

And I don’t think I’ll ever get it back.

There’s venom in her eyes now.

A cold hatred that freezes me to the core every time she looks at me.

I don’t know how to change it.

Don’t know how to warm her to me again.

But I’ll die trying.

She still owns my heart.

It’s still fucking hers after all these years, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that it will be hers until the day I die.

I climb in next to her, and wrap myself around her warm body, breathing in her sweet scent.

She still smells the same.

Like fresh-cut flowers on a sunny day with a hint of vanilla.

She’s the smell of home.

Of all the good times.

Of comfort. She smells of the girl who sat down next to me and took my hand, holding it as I cried.

If it weren’t for her, I don’t think the pain of losing my parents would’ve ever stopped.

My world crumbled. I lost my parents, home, and friends all in one swoop.

But she came over day after day and brought me back to life.

She became my everything.

I squeeze her tighter.

For the first time since losing Rubble, I can breathe easier.

The pain doesn’t hurt as much.

I always thought I needed the brothers and the club to feel strong, but Kensy is my strength.

Without her, I’m just a poser.

I can’t let her go again. I need her.