Page 68 of Rapunzel Is Losing It

“I don’t know.”

“I can’t have kids.”

“Shit. I really didn’t know that.” His fingers tightened around mine. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I mean, medically I could. I’m not infertile. I’m just not mom material.”

“You’re the most caring person I know. Even that cat from hell loves you.”

“Moms have to leave their house.”

“Why?” His face contorted in confusion as if I’d said something completely outlandish.

“Parent teacher conferences? Picking kids up from school? Taking them to the playground? Going to their friends' birthdays? I can’t do any of those things.”

“Video call. Driver. Nanny. Father.”

“You don’t get it,” I mumbled and pulled my hands out of his. “It would be so selfish to have a child just because I want one, when I can’t- I will never-”

“You founded an entire organization to help people like you. To create support systems for women who need accommodations. You can make use of those in your own life, too.”

“Why are you pushing this?”

“I just think that if you want to be a mother, you should have the chance.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Doyouwant children?”

“One.”

“Why just one?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you want me to lie or do you want the truth?”

“Truth.”

“Two children are more leverage than one.”

A flash of pain cracked through my chest and it had nothing to do with period hormones. “By that logic, one child is more leverage than no child.”

“It’s a balance. You have to figure out what you want even if there’s a chance you’ll lose it. And what you’re willing to live without.” Victor reached out and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. “When I have a child, I will love them and care for them and keep them safe. I want that.”

“What if you only have that one child and they don’t turn out the way you want them to.”

“What do you mean?”

“My father hated what I became,” I said, and turned away from his hand, suddenly too aware of how close he was, of the fact that he was in my bed and we were talking about babies.

“Your father was a dick,” Victor said.

“A few years ago-” My voice quivered. I closed my eyes, my father’s words still ringing in my head. “A few years ago, before you were here, before he got sick, my father suggested that I should have a child. He had the fertility clinic lined up, and a pre-selected list of donors. Everything. At least I would have gotten a vote on whose sperm they’d have shot into me, right?” I laughed bitterly. “He made it very clear that he wanted a grandchild to raise in a way befitting the Montgomery name. I wouldn’t have gotten to raise the child. I’m not mom material beyond my DNA, am I? He didn’t want someone soft. He wanted someone to take over the company. That’s… that’s when I moved out and got this place for myself.”

“For fuck’s sake, Cordelia.” Victor climbed over my lap and settled in next to me, so he could pull me into his arms. The second they closed around me, my nerves released a whole body shiver. Victor kissed the crown of my head and whispered, “If he wasn’t dead already, I’d put a bullet in his brain for that.”

“He even put my future children in his will. He had higher hopes for my unborn offspring than for me.”

“Cordelia, our child doesn’t have to worry about any of that shit. We will love them, no matter what.”

“Oh, it’sourchild now?” I tilted my head back, only then realizing that tears had gathered in my eyes, because Victor was very blurry.