Page 44 of Raphael

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“No.” My lips moved, but I didn’t hear my voice. My chest hurt so fucking much, I thought it’d collapse. This couldn’t be happening. Anya and I had plans. Just the two of us and her baby.

“Would you like to hold the baby?” she offered.

I swallowed hard. I needed air. I needed my sister back.

“I don’t know how,” I murmured.

Her eyes darted around us, then she pointed to the nearby couch. I followed her gaze. In a haze, I walked over to it and sat down.

“Okay, open your arms like you would if you’d carry a watermelon.”

It was an odd instruction, but I followed it nonetheless. She put the tiny baby into my arms.

A soft cooing sound vibrated and my heart made an odd thump. “She’s tiny,” I rasped, emotions thick in my chest.

“It’s a boy. A healthy baby boy.”

My eyes studied the little face. “A healthy boy,” I repeated softly. Dark hair. Tiny fingers. Tiny mouth. “Isn’t he supposed to be bald?”

“Not always. He’s beautiful.”

I raised my head and our eyes met. Her fiery red hair and crystal blue eyes made her appear like a goddess come to set things right. Stupid notion. Nobody could set this right but me.

“Heisbeautiful,” I repeated. “Just like his mom.”

She nodded. “Just like his mom was.”

Was.One word. It was all it took to make my heart bleed.

I studied the tiny bundle in my arms. A little piece of Anya that God granted me. I couldn’t tell if he looked like Anya. He looked like little Gabriel. It was the name she settled on. Gabriel for a boy and Gabriela for a girl.

“Stay here,” she instructed. “If you need anything, press that button and I’ll come.”

I nodded, keeping my gaze locked on Gabriel. A soft click and she was gone. A soft whimper and I pressed him closer to my heart.

It wasn’t until a drop landed on the small cheek that I realized I was crying.

“It will be okay, little Gabriel,” I barely choked out. “I’ll keep you safe. I promised your mom. Just you and me against the world, buddy.”

Oh my God. I knew nothing about babies. Nothing. Anya didn’t want to do Lamaze class. Almost as if she knew her end was coming.

I’d need diapers. And milk. Lots of milk.

The door opened and I lifted my head to find Aurora, Royce, Byron, and Willow at the door, along with Dr. Sophie. The latter didn’t look too happy.

“We don’t allow so many visitors at once.”

“I don’t have lots of milk,” I muttered. Why did it hurt so much to talk? Even to breathe. It felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. Tears ran down my face and over my lips, tasting salty on my tongue and dripping down my chin.

My eyes met Aurora’s gaze then Willow’s. “She’s gone.”

My best friends rushed over and each took a seat next to me, wrapping both Gabriel and me into their arms.

“I can’t go back home,” I rasped. “I- I promised.”

A heavy weight crushed my lungs. Desperation laced my every word.