Page 82 of Raine

I smirk and curl into him, loving his scent, warmth and the familiarity that I’m becoming to love. We sit there for a few more moments before I place my wine down, hop up and head inside to grab my mother’s diary.

Padding back outside, I sit back down next to Gabe, cross my legs and open the book. “What’s that?”

I gaze up at him and siphon through the hurt and longing over my parents. “It was my mama’s. I found it recently, so I’ve been reading it slowly.”

“Does she know you have it?” He asks and I feel the sickly feeling right up to the gravel lodged in my throat as I turn away from him.

Gabe must sense the change in my demeanor because he leans forward and lifts my face to him. “What is it?”

“My parents are no longer alive,” I manage, and his eyes soften, crinkling at the sides.

“I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t know.”

I shrug my shoulders and move to turn away, but he stops me, forcing me to stay facing him. “Tell me about them.”

“There isn’t much to tell and I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it, Gabe.”

He nods once, let’s go of me, and sits back grabbing his wine glass and leaving me to my devices. Rolling my eyes mentally, I turn away because I don’t want to focus on the unwanted feelings swimming around inside of me.

Flipping the page to where I read last, I take a deep breath and scan the page before I begin to read to make sure it’s a page I haven’t read.

Dear Diary,

My secrets are safe with you, hidden beneath the floors I walk on. Can you keep a secret? Can I tell you what I can’t tell anyone else?

My mother is asking questions. Unfortunately, my mother is perceptive, wise; hell, she had to be living this life with my pops, but dammit, why now?

I don’t know what to tell her or Malcolm because I’m at a crossroads myself. Draconis has upped his game, building a bunker under the old yacht club down town. He’s turned it into a damn sex slave dungeon and I don’t know how to stop it.

The people he has his men luring and stealing are bringing them in a dime a dozen and I can feel my heart shatter a little bit more each time Draconis, Avernus and Jarvis talk about it.

Jarvis was the biggest surprise of them all. He vouched for this, concluding it’d bring more funds in and strengthen our position in the underworld. He spoke like none of us had enough money to last a lifetime — money that one couldn’t spend in a fucking lifetime. Damn, now I’m cursing while writing. I feel so out of my depths, like I’m drowning.

And my marriage… Malcolm loves me, but I can feel him pulling away, knowing I’m being dishonest with him. The thought of bringing all of this up with him turns my stomach because I know we’ll fight and he’ll demand to whisk us away again.

To leave would be to sign my death sentence, but to stay, well, that’s yet to be determined.

Winter

I close the book softly, feeling my mama’s emotions through her words on the page. She sounded scared and alone, something I’m all too familiar with. I reach for my glass and take a sip, allowing the peppery, fruity wine to slosh over my tongue and down my throat.

Gabe places his hand on my knee and I move it slightly, feeling too raw and needing some space. He senses it of course and places his wine on the table.

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk, Gabe.”

“Something you read has bothered you.”

“Leave it.”

“Raine.”

Frustration and annoyance permeate my body, replacing the sadness of reading my mother’s diary. I can feel the sass clawing at my flesh as I build the walls around myself when I reply.

“I said fucking leave it alone, Gabe! You’re not my confidant, or my knight in shining armor. You’re a fuck buddy, someone to get my rocks off, and pass the time while I’m here. You are nothing to me, so you don’t get to ask those kinds of questions and demand answers. YOU don’t get to do that!” I yell and he raises an eyebrow, unaffected by my outburst.

“Get on your knees, Raine.”