Page 16

Hayden

Over a week has passed since Liam cut me off completely. He didn’t stop just at canceling our tutoring sessions. He’s also ignoring all my calls and texts.

This afternoon, I met his gaze for one fleeting second. Before I could tell whether he was looking at me or not, Liam walked away, heading toward the cafeteria.

Had it just been in my head or was Liam truly looking at me?

A group of puck bunnies were hovering around me at the time, being extra annoying. They touched me, poked me, and laughed at me each time I glared at them. My cold indifference seemed to have no effect on them as they collectively took it on themselves to annoy me.

Did Liam see them and misunderstand me?

“Hey, are you okay?” Logan asks, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

I grunt.

“Wow, you’re not even speaking to us now?” Mitchikov says with a chuckle.

“Mitchikov,” Logan says in a warning tone. “Leave him alone.”

“Shucks, Captain,” Mitchikov pouts. “Bastian’s being a pussy and you’re just validating that kind of shit behavior. All he needs is some beer in his belly and a hot mouth to suck his cock. There’s nothing a good head won’t cure, if you know what I mean.” He winks, earning a glare from me and a chuckle from Logan.

“Bastian is strong enough to resist the temptations you throw at his face,” Logan says, taking my side. “You haven’t been able to corrupt him in the last three years. I doubt you’ll succeed now.”

Mitchikov shrugs, running his fingers through his dark locks. “I just want to help.”

“I know you mean well,” I say in a quiet voice. “I’m just having trouble with something personal.”

“Is this about a girl?” Mitchikov asks, suddenly looking interested.

Logan stares between us, obviously curious to know the answer.

“No,” I say shortly. “I’ve got to go and work on an assignment. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Digging my hands into my jacket pockets, I turn away and walk out of the stadium.

Mitchikov rightly guessed what my problem was and why I was failing to focus on practicing for the upcoming game against Silverlake U. Liam haunts my every waking hour, refusing to let me concentrate on my training.

I tried telling myself Liam didn’t matter. That I have to move on and let him go. But the longer the silence stretches, the more it gnaws at me.

Darkness has fallen over the campus. The team has been giving their best efforts, practicing late into the evening after their classes. If I can just get my head straight, we can win this game against Silverlake U.

A familiar figure comes into my view just as I’m walking toward the library.

Liam walks out of the building with a heavy backpack slung over one shoulder.

A sliver of relief flows through me when I realize he’s alone.

An overwhelming urge to run to him comes over me. I want to hold his warm body tightly against mine and tell him how much he means to me. I want to lay claim to his soft, pink lips and pour out every emotion filling my chest with desire and longing.

But I can’t.

Liam has shut me out so completely, that I can’t seem to break through his walls.

My emotions are turning into something dark, ugly, and unbearable as I watch him walk away. And before I know it, I’m following him.

Liam remains oblivious to my presence. He continues on his way, head bowed down, oblivious to the world around him.

I don’t even know why I’ve suddenly turned into a creepy stalker.

Maybe I just want to make sure he reaches home safely , I reason with myself. Liam is new in town, after all .

Deep within, though, I know my intentions behind following Liam are darker. Murkier.

I have to see whether Liam is going to an empty apartment. I need to make sure some other guy hasn’t stolen my place and is waiting to kiss him and welcome him home.

Even the thought of it makes my blood run hot with anger and jealousy.

Liam walks briskly, crossing the street and moving toward an old, shabby building. Even though it's located close to the posh university campus, it looks decrepit and shady.

Unaware of the shadow trailing him, Liam walks inside the crumbling building.

Keeping my distance, I watch from behind a parked car on the street.

So far, Liam has been alone. Relief flickers through me but it’s still not enough. I need to make sure no one’s waiting inside his apartment.

I briskly walk forward and push the grimy glass doors of the building. To my surprise, it easily falls open.

My brows furrow as I realize you don’t even need a keycard or passcode to enter the premises. A sliver of concern takes root in my gut. This place doesn’t seem safe enough for a solitary guy like Liam.

I enter the dark, shadowy foyer and follow Liam up the staircase. Beats of rap music blare from some apartment. As I walk past the first floor, I hear several people shouting and arguing in some foreign language.

I hang back as Liam walks down the second-floor corridor and unlocks a door. From what I can see, it’s dark inside but Liam disappears too quickly for me to notice whether someone’s inside or not.

I should turn around and walk away. It’s none of my business if Liam has found someone who’s proud to show him off to his friends. A part of me even wants that for him. I want to see him happy.

But the thought of someone else making him happy makes me angry and jealous. I hate thinking of someone else laying claim to Liam, both body and soul, when he belongs to me.

Liam had opened up to me and accepted me. I can’t let him go to someone else. He’s mine, damn it!

How can he keep ignoring me when I’ve been desperately trying to reach out to him? How can he still pretend like he hasn’t wrecked my head and heart and everything in between with his cold silence?

Liam is on the other side of that door. I can’t let go of this opportunity to clear things with him once and for all.

Marching forward, I knock on the door.

No answer.

What’s taking him so long to answer the door? Is there really someone else with him? I knock harder as my frustration heightens.

Still, there’s no answer.

My patience finally snaps. “Liam, open the damn door right now!” I shout, banging my fist on the door.

A few seconds pass by as my heart hammers in my chest.

And then...soft footsteps.

A moment later, the door cracks open an inch. Liam’s bright blue eyes peek through the gap. “Hayden?”

“Open up,” I say in a rough, commanding tone.

The door opens wider. “Hayden, what the hell are you doing here?” Liam asks, looking surprised.

My gaze drinks in the way his messy blond curls fall over his eyes. His plump lips pout at my intrusion. An old, slightly oversized T-shirt hangs off his slim shoulders.

Liam’s expression steadily morphs from surprise to caution.

Something inside me breaks at the sight of him looking like he’s about to slam the door shut in my face. There’s no way I’m letting him go today.

I push the door wider and walk in, nearly shoving Liam to the side.

“You can’t come in!” he shouts but I ignore him.

My gaze roves over the tiny apartment, taking in the sparse furniture and worn-out appliances. A glossy Spiderman poster hangs from a wall above his bed, reminding me of Liam’s bedroom in the old beach house.

I can’t believe he left that beautiful place to come to Knightswood. All because of his damn love of Physics and everything nerdy.

This is the same guy who’d waded into a churning sea to save my black soul from drowning. He didn’t care about the thunder and lightning as he risked his own life to pull me out of those waters.

I’d fallen for him right there but I still left him behind in that beach house. I gave him a chance to untangle his fate from mine.

But no. Liam had to come to Knightswood. For his damn research .

“Hayden?” Liam calls out in a soft, uncertain voice.

I stay silent as I face him.

Liam crosses his arms over his chest, looking uncomfortable. “What do you want, Hayden?”

You. The word sits on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to say it. Something dark, desperate, and completely irrational takes over me as I grab Liam’s wrist, pulling him against me.

“Hayden, stop!” he says in a muffled voice as I hold him against my hard chest. “Let go!”

Liam struggles against me, punching his fists at my chest but it has zero effect on me. Has he forgotten I play ice hockey? The strikes, kicks, and punches I take during a game are nothing compared to this.

My hold on him tightens.

Leaning in, I crash my mouth against his, forcing his lips to part by pushing my tongue in. He fights me, but I easily keep him caged against my chest.

He tastes so damn sweet , I think as pure bliss flows through me. His familiar scent wafts into my nostrils, making me deepen my kiss. Liam continues to struggle against me but I’m too drunk to care. All I want is to drink him in deeper.

Suddenly, something sharp pierces my tongue.

My hold on Liam loosens, allowing him to step away from me.

“Did you just bite me?” I ask, tasting the sharp tang of blood.

Liam instinctively takes another step away from me. Before he can run away, I grab hold of his wrist and drag him toward the bed in the corner.

“Hayden, let go!” he shouts. My grip tightens, making him cry out. “Hayden, you’re hurting me!”

I easily throw him onto the bed and get on top of him before he has a chance to escape. Grabbing both his wrists, I pin them over his head, forcing him to lie underneath me.

“Get off me!” Liam shouts, his body twisting wildly. “Let go! I’m going to fucking kill you if you don’t! Let go of me!”

He shouts and curses but I hold onto him tightly. He struggles but it’s not long before he starts panting and gasping. His chest rises and falls in an erratic pattern while the fight slowly drains out of him.

I’m barely putting any effort but Liam is already on the brink of exhaustion.

“Are you done fighting me?” I ask, fixing my gaze on him.

A whimper escapes him.

Leaning down, I capture his lips once again. He tries to kick me but I use my legs to straddle his thighs, keeping him from moving an inch.

His wrists are so slim, that one of my hands is enough to hold them. Using my other hand, I quickly slide off his shorts.

He’s not wearing any underwear but that’s not the most surprising revelation. Liam is fully erect.

I gaze into his eyes, making him freeze.

He knows I know. No matter how much he tries to fight me, his body wants me. Needs me.

“Relax, Liam,” I say in a soft whisper, moving a stray curl that’s fallen into his eyes. “You’ll hurt yourself if you don’t calm down.”

He whimpers against my lips, barely struggling anymore. “Please, don’t,” he sobs as I kiss his neck.

“I’m going to make you feel good, baby,” I tell him as I gently wrap my fingers over his beautiful, hard cock. “Just relax and let me take care of you.”

His body shivers. He bites his bottom lip but fails to stop the moans that escape him.

It almost aches me to see him denying the pleasure he so desperately wants.

I want to tell him he doesn’t need to hide from me, and that I’ll gladly take care of all his needs. You’re mine , I silently tell him as I pump his shaft. I’ll always take care of you .

Liam stops fighting me, allowing me to let go of his wrists completely. Sliding lower, I part his legs and settle between them.

“Oh!” he moans as I take hold of his cock and swirl my tongue over the tip. “Hayden, what are you—”

“It’s all right, darling,” I say, giving him a moment to breathe. “It’s me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Please...”

I almost think he’s telling me to stop but next moment, he thrusts his hips upward, his cock sliding deeper into my mouth. My lips curl into a smirk.

No matter what he says, his body can’t lie to me.

Knowing exactly what he wants from me, I press soft kisses along his shaft.

Liam moans loudly, his head falling back against the pillow.

“That’s right,” I say in an assertive tone. “Just relax and let me take care of you.”

I swallow his head, sucking hard. Keeping him distracted, I gently stroke his hole.

“Hayden...” he chokes out, his cock hardening against my tongue. His fingers dig into my hair as he groans.

“You don’t have to say anything,” I say in a ragged voice. “You’re mine and I know how to take care of you.” With that, I push my finger further inside his hole, up to my knuckle.

He’s so damn tight and hot, my cock hardens at the very thought of being inside him. My breathing turns erratic as I battle against my own desire.

Right now, Liam needs me to show him how much I care for him.

“You must always be mine,” I say, holding his hips with my powerful hands before taking him in deeper inside my mouth.

He fists my hair as his hips jerk upward, his cock trying to reach deeper into my throat. I relax my jaw, taking him in until his balls slap against my chin.

“Fuck, Hayden!” Liam groans, thrusting his cock deep into my throat. “I can’t stop—I can’t take it anymore—I can’t—I can’t—”

My eyes water as the urge to gag overwhelms me. Steadying my breath, I surrender to him, letting him use my mouth to satiate his needs.

I hurt Liam. I broke his heart the moment I let him walk away from me.

I owe him this and so much more.

Liam’s back arches off the bed, his fingers tangling in my hair. Soon, his thrusts grow more powerful, his tip hitting the back of my throat.

It’s so damn hot to have him powerless against me. After several days of not even talking to me, he’s using my mouth like his life depends on it.

I will give him so much pleasure, he can’t walk away from me. I might still not be able to come out to the world but behind the closed doors of his apartment, I can give him everything he needs.

Mine , I silently claim him. Liam is all mine.

I push another finger inside his tight hole and he loses it. His body twists and shudders so hard, I have to use my hand to keep him pressed to the bed. “Hayden, that feels so—” he moans, his neck muscles tightening.

His tight channel sucks my finger in deeper, making me lose my mind.

I swallow him harder and deeper, intent on making him feel my desperation.

Liam’s body stiffens impossibly. Next second, he roars my name, pushing deep into my throat.

With a gasp, he shatters, filling my mouth with his hot, creamy cum.

His breathing is loud and erratic as his body settles against the mattress.

I keep my mouth wrapped around his shaft until he’s squeezed out the last drop. Some of his cum drips down my chin but I swallow the rest.

When he’s no longer moving, I pull my mouth away and look over at him.

Liam stares at me with wide, horror-filled eyes as he takes in the mess he’s made in my mouth.

Wiping a hand over my lips, I grin at him and stick my tongue out. “See? I didn’t let any of that cream go to waste.”

“Hayden,” Liam says in a quiet voice. His blue eyes shimmer with unshed tears as his lips start trembling uncontrollably. “Please...just go.”

The bitterness in his voice is like a splash of ice water, drowning the fire raging in my body. Liam should be feeling euphoric after that orgasm. Instead, he looks like he’s about to cry.

My heart breaks all over at the sight. “You need to stop pretending like you don’t want me.”

Liam sits up and swipes his hand impatiently over his eyes. “You don’t get to come in here, acting like you care about me,” he says, quickly pulling up his shorts. “You don’t get to push me away whenever you want and act like you don’t even know me.”

“You don’t understand,” I try to explain myself to him. “No one knows I’m gay. I can’t let them find out about me or I might lose my spot on the team. This is the final season I’ll get to play college hockey. If I don’t do well enough, I’ll lose my chance to get drafted into the NHL. I—I can’t lose this opportunity, Liam.”

“I’m not telling you to give up on hockey,” he says, meeting my gaze. “I’m just telling you I can’t live in the dark like your dirty secret. I can’t let you ignore me in front of your friends and then come here in the night to take advantage of me.”

Closing his eyes, he lets out a heavy sigh. When he stares back at me, his gaze is cold. Distant.

“I understand you’re not ready to come out yet, Hayden,” he says in a quiet voice. “That’s why I let you go. I walked away from you and have stayed away from you. You can go back to playing hockey without worrying about me leaking your secret. I’ll never do that to you. You can trust me.”

“So, what are you saying? Will you be with me?”

“No, Hayden. You have to let me go.” His lips wobble as tears stream down his cheeks. “Please, don’t come back here again.”

“Liam,” my voice falters as an ache goes through me.

He shakes his head, pulling a sheet to cover himself. “Please...just go.”

I slowly get off the bed and straighten up. Liam won’t even look at me anymore. For the first time, realization dawns on me.

I’ve truly lost him.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walk to the door and close it behind me.

Pain, like I’ve never felt before, stabs through me. It’s so bad, that I have to lean against the grimy wall. The sound of people arguing reaches my ears, thrusting me back to reality.

Liam and I live in two very different worlds and as long as I play hockey, he can never be a part of mine. The reality of my situation hits me like a stick in the face from an opponent.

Fuck.