Page 15 of Pucking Strong (Jacksonville Rays #4)

I don’t know where that came from either.

But it’s said now, and he’s no longer running away from me.

Cars whip past as I jog along the guardrail, closing the distance between us.

A fine mist hangs in the air, remnants of this morning’s rainstorm.

“From the coffee cart,” I say on a breath.

“At the practice arena. You order iced oat milk lattes with a double shot of espresso. And you prefer window seats to aisle seats on airplanes.”

His eyes narrow at me. “Is that all you know about me? My coffee order and my seat preference?”

My feet crunch on the fine gravel as I stop in front of him, mind racing to come up with more. “Your favorite Disney princess is Moana.” I listened to him compare all the princesses with Karro a few days ago. “And you snore.”

“Fuck you, I don’t snore.”

My mouth twitches with a smile. “You do. That’s something only a friend would know, right?

Not just a colleague or a passing acquaintance.

” I hold his gaze, daring him to look away.

“That’s four things, not three. And I could keep going.

I’m your friend, Teddy. I want to be your friend.

And I need you to stay. I need you in this with me.

So, tell me what you need. What do we do to make this work for you?

You want rules? Set them. I’ll do anything you ask. ”

A muscle ticks in his jaw as he levels his stare at me, the fire cooling in his eyes. “You can’t call me your husband.”

I lean away, surprised at this first request. “But in the car, you just said—”

“ Ever ,” he says over me. “You can’t call me your husband ever. Swear it.”

“I swear,” I assure him. “What am I to call you then?”

He thinks for a moment. “You can call me your partner.”

I nod again. “It’s done.”

“Am I moving in with you?”

Christ. I’ve made so many choices this week.

Impossible choices. Before this exact moment, the logistics of them all were merely hypothetical.

For days now, I’ve felt like that scared seven-year-old boy who fell through a crack in the ice.

I was treading dark water in heavy skates, kicking for the surface.

I saw Teddy’s hand as a lifeline, a way out, so I grabbed on.

But he’s not pulling me out. I’m pulling him under. It’s been one day, and we’re already standing on the side of the road shouting at each other. And I deserve all his anger, all his confusion, because I did this. I grabbed his hand and pulled him under, and now we’ll sink or swim together.

I’m so frustrated. And ashamed. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I rock on my heels, feeling too guilty to look at him. “I suppose you’ll have to, won’t you? I’ll need you in the home to help me with Karro.”

He crosses his arms. “Then I need my own room.”

“Done. My apartment has three bedrooms. We’ll each have our own room. You’ll take mine for the duration of your stay. It’s larger.”

“I’m not taking your room—”

“You will,” I say over him. “I insist. We’ll call that one my rule. Just as I insist that you continue to live your life. I will do whatever is needed for this to have as little of an impact on you as possible.”

His eyes narrow again. “Live my life? What, like you want me to go out and date other men? Want me to fuck them too? Maybe bring them back to the apartment? What size bed am I working with in your room?”

As I picture him leading a strange man through my house, my chest suddenly feels tight.

I’m a private person by nature, and I don’t like sharing my spaces with anyone.

I grimace, hands fisted in my pockets. “No men in the apartment. I won’t have that upsetting Karro or her routines.

But you’re free to do whatever you want outside of my home with friends or family or …

whomever. But keep it private. We must maintain a public image of … ”

“Fidelity?”

I sigh, knowing he’s trying to bait me again. “No romantic partners in the apartment. For either of us.”

“Done.”

My frustration settles a little. “Anything else?”

He considers. “I want to pay you rent.”

“Out of the question.”

He steps forward, his eyes flashing with anger. “It’s not out of the question.”

“You’re already sacrificing too much for me. I can’t allow it—”

“Henrik, I need walls! Barriers that help reinforce what this is between us. My salary is shit, but I can contribute my fair share. And I will. Please, give me this.”

It will cost me my pride to accept money from this man. But what is my pride worth if it gets me Karro safe and living in my home? “Fine. Anything else?”

Teddy holds my gaze. The wind whips at his loose locs, tugging a few in front of his face. He flicks them back with a curl of his finger, tucking them behind his ear. “Don’t kiss me.”

As he speaks, a large lorry whooshes past. I’m unsure I heard him right. “What?”

“I said, don’t kiss me,” he repeats.

I groan, dragging a hand through my hair. Does he really feel like such a rule is necessary? What must he think of me? What must he expect? “Trust me, I won’t,” I assure him.

His face falls, and I know I misspoke.

“That is to say, I don’t,” I add, knowing it’s not enough of an explanation.

He admitted to once having romantic feelings for me.

I certainly don’t want to embarrass him or hurt his feelings.

But how do I make him understand the nature of what I am, when I don’t rightly know myself? “Look, Teddy. I’m not …”

“Gay?”

“Looking for a relationship. With anyone. It’s just not how I am. I’m focused on my career. And now Karro. With your new job duties, I doubt you’ll find much time for romance either.”

He shrugs. “Oh, there’s always time for a little romance. Life is short, Henrik. I intend to live mine to the fullest.”

At his words, flashes of a memory come unbidden to my mind—Teddy with his arms wrapped around a blond rookie.

The rookie’s hands on Teddy’s ass, pressing him up against the sink.

Their gasps of surprise at being interrupted.

The glass soap dispenser shattering as it slips to the floor, knocked askew by the rookie’s roving hands.

Pushing the memory away, I fight a scowl.

I’m all too familiar with Teddy’s willingness to live his life to the fullest. I can only pray he heeds my wishes and keeps those activities private.

I’m not one to judge another’s actions, but I have Karro to think about now.

Her safety and comfort must come first. Always.

“We can’t stay out here,” I call over the noise of another passing truck. “It’s dangerous. Are you finished making your demands?”

Teddy leans away, surprised by my sudden change in tone. I’ve surprised myself. Why do I feel so frustrated? So angry? He’s only trying to help me. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Good. Then let’s go. I want to be back in the city before dark.” Turning on my heel, I lead the way back over to the rental car. Teddy follows.

As we get in the car, he shuts his door and looks my way. “I thought of one more thing.”

“What?”

Our elbows brush as we buckle our seat belts. Then he grabs his sunglasses and slips them back on his face, hiding his eyes away from me. “Seeing as you’re the international hockey superstar and I’m just a lowly PT, you get to tell Poppy St. James what we did.”

I stare out the windshield, hands gripped tight to the wheel. “Fuck.”

He snorts a laugh. “Right?”

We really did not think this through.