Page 30

CHAPTER 30

Tristan

“ M y parents were amazing people. My mom was a professional figure skater until a knee injury ended her career. My dad played hockey for the Wolverines before being drafted by the Pittsburgh Penguins. After he retired, he became the coach of my high school hockey team, so I was fortunate enough to be coached by him.”

“He taught you how to skate and play hockey?”

“Both my parents taught Elaine, my sister, and me how to skate. Elaine was two years younger than me. She was driven and dedicated to following in my mom’s footsteps. My mom started coaching Elaine after her injury. She was my mom’s first student.”

Sadness overcomes me as the memories assault me. “Elaine was tired and run down all the time. She kept telling us it was from pushing herself so hard on the ice and trying to finish high school. She was a senior in high school, and it was my sophomore year here. It seemed logical until she collapsed on the ice in the middle of a competition. She was rushed to the hospital, undergoing various tests. After she was discharged, Elaine was sent to various specialists.”

“God, how awful.” Her finger lightly strokes my chest. “Scary, too.”

I nod. “It was. I somehow made myself believe that whatever it was, she’d be okay. Elaine was strong.” As if I’m living through it again, my throat constricts, and my mouth is dry. I swallow several times before continuing. “My parents were exhausted from worry and travel. They were also coming to all my hockey games, as was Elaine when she was feeling up to it.”

“What an amazingly supportive family.”

I nod. “They were the best.” Swallowing over the lump in my throat, I look away, not wanting to cry yet. I take a few breaths in and out, and once the sensation eases, I continue. “The team had a game in New York against our biggest rivals. I was so excited. I wanted to make my dad proud. I had huge shoes to fill, but I felt like under Coach Jensen, my game was really improving.”

“My parents and Elaine flew to Colorado to see a specialist three days before the game in New York. Elaine had been diagnosed with two autoimmune disorders. My mom found a doctor who specialized in immune-mediated disorders that were confounding most of her doctors because of the symptoms Elaine was experiencing.”

“I’m glad they figured it out, but so sorry she was going through that.”

“Me, too.” Lifting her hand from my chest and kissing her palm. “The three of them planned to fly to New York to see my game, then home so they could prepare to go back to Colorado for however long it took to help Elaine.”

With tears in my eyes, I stare at the ceiling, reliving it again. “My parents booked an earlier flight because of a massive snowstorm set to hit Denver. But the storm hit earlier than expected, grounding all flights. I was beside myself at the thought of them not being there.”

“Tristan.” Her hands cup my face, sympathy in her beautiful irises. “It’s not your fault.”

My eyes dart to hers, my voice bitter. “It’s not? I wanted them there, Jordyn. I practically demanded they figure out a way to get to New York. That’s the reason they booked a flight on a small, private plane. I was selfish and horrible to them, and that was the last time I ever spoke to them.” The grief overtakes me, breaking my heart into pieces all over again. I hold onto Jordyn, sobbing for all I’ve lost.

She holds me for a while, stroking my back. When my sobs lessen, she pulls back, wiping my eyes. “Stop blaming yourself. You’re haunted by something that’s not your fault.”

“It feels like it is, Jordyn. I practically demanded they get to my game?—”

“They wanted to, or they wouldn’t have tried so hard, Tristan.”

Deep down, I know that. Yet, it doesn’t assuage the relentless guilt.

“I was furious at them, Jordyn. When I got on the ice and they weren’t there, I was so fucking angry. When the game started, I was ruthless, getting slapped with penalties for the way I’d been playing. Coach even threatened to bench me.” I shake my head, the memories like a bad weed that keeps growing inside me, refusing to stop. “After the first period, Coach pulled me aside and demanded to know what was going on. I told him…” I shake my head, but the memory of his pinched expression, worry heavy in his eyes, won’t leave. “My anger changed to uneasiness, then worry. A nagging feeling that something was wrong took over. Unable to focus, I played like shit.”

“We lost the game. I went to my locker and tried calling all three of their phones, but there was no answer. I sat on the bench in front of my locker, my head in my hands, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Alex.” I blew out a breath. “It was all over the media. The pilot radioed, saying they were in distress from the storm.” I audibly swallow, my stomach and chest burning from the grief. “I knew they were gone. I felt it. And I collapsed on the floor, crying like a lost child.”

“Oh, Tristan. I’m so sorry.” Her hands stroke me gently as she holds me.

I nod, squeezing her tightly. “When they found the plane, there wasn’t much left. They crashed in a snowy forest, trees and rocks tearing at the plane. The initial impact killed the pilot and my parents.” I swallow hard, imagining the horror they must have felt. “My sister was found in the woods. She’d been ejected from the plane.”

“Oh, fuck, Tristan.” Her tears drip onto the side of my neck. “I don’t know what to say. What an awful tragedy.”

“I know. I’ve thought so much about it, but I can’t make sense of why it happened to three amazing people. The only conclusion I’ve come up with is me. I was the cause since I was horrible and selfish to them before the accident. Karma took what I loved most.”

She pulls back, wiping the tears from her face. “You need to understand you had nothing to do with your parent’s death. It was a tragic accident, not karma or punishment because their son loved them so much he wanted them with him during an important game.” She cups my face, her eyes imploring. “You’re not responsible for their deaths. And though I’ve never met them, I’m certain the guilt you’re feeling would destroy them.”

I study her, wanting so badly to believe her. After sinking beneath the weight of it for so long, it’s hard to change my mindset.

Her words are on repeat inside my head, especially the last thing she said. “The guilt you’re feeling would destroy them.” I hadn’t thought of it from their perspective before.

Jordyn leans over, placing a kiss on the tip of my nose. “My opinion of you has changed.”

Panic fills me as my eyes dart to hers, searching them for the disappointment and disgust I’m certain she’s feeling.

“You’re even more amazing than I previously thought. You’ve been through so much, yet somehow found the courage to not only get up and carry on but get back on the ice as well, playing like a hockey god.”

My body sags into the mattress, relief filling me. “I’m glad you’re not leaving me.” I tighten my arms around her like a vice. “Not that I’d let you go anywhere. Not now. And not ever.” I give her a smile, my finger tracing over her face as though I’m memorizing every inch of it. “It wasn’t easy at all.”

“I was so depressed that I couldn’t get out of bed. My grandma came home for the funeral, staying in my parent’s house. I was supposed to return to campus afterward, but I couldn’t. I took the rest of the semester off and lived with my grandma in a house full of memories that were slowly killing me.”

“Oh, Tristan. I’m sorry. Depression is natural when there’s so much love between you and your loved ones. After my dad died, one of our neighbors told me I was fortunate to love someone so much to grieve so hard. I thought she was crazy until she said that some people have such shitty relationships with their families that when one of them dies, they grieve very little, if at all.”

“You keep giving me new perspectives, kitten.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” Her smile is so full of love that it leaves me breathless.

I shouldn’t ask the next question, but I’m dying to know the answer. “Are you gonna stick with me, even though you’re worried about Josh finding out about us?”

Her expression falls, and my heart drops into my stomach. Avoiding eye contact, long lashes rest on her cheeks as she traces slow circles over my chest. My anxiety is spiraling out of control as I watch her, a wave of dizziness washing over me. My thoughts spiral, imagining life without her and the way she makes me feel. How much easier it is to breathe around her. All the things she makes me feel that I’ve never felt before.

Her gaze lifts, locking with mine. A slow smile curls her lips, causing my heart to beat faster as hope fills my chest. “You’re worth the risk, puck boy.”

I’m so fucking happy that I roll with her so I’m on top of her, putting my ribs through agony and stealing my breath. She squeaks in surprise, and I grin before kissing her like I own every piece of her, relishing in the taste of her lips. “Or hockey god.” My lips capture hers again. “Or sex god.”

She slaps her hand against my chest, laughing. “Yeah, like I need to make your ego any bigger.”

My voice is husky. “You’re not denying I’m a sex god. I’ll take the compliment.” I wink at her before losing myself in her kiss.

For once, I don’t feel guilty that the happiness she makes me feel takes away the loss and grief I’ve been living with.

“How about I reward you before we talk about your dad?”

“Is this the part where you ask me to get a book from my room?”

“No… I just ask you to pull up one of your books on your phone.” I’m so obsessed with her, she has no idea I’ve become a fucking stalker.

Her brows draw in. “What? How do you know there are books on my phone?”

“You’re a heavy sleeper. I snuck into your room and looked through your phone. Then I took a screenshot of the book page you’d been reading and skimmed through it. That book you’re reading is hotter than hell. It took everything I had not to strip you naked and have my way with you.”

“You’re terrible. When did you do that?”

“I’m not telling.”

She pouts before her brows draw together in anger. “Then I’m not sitting on your face.”

“The hell you’re not. You’re gonna wear my jersey while you ride my face until your juices drip down my chin.”

“Not until?—”

I’m on my knees, pulling her up with me. Once I get her on her feet, I strip her, then pull my jersey over her head. She fights me, of course, which just makes it hotter.

Pulling her against me, I kiss the hell out of her, devouring her mouth, while my hand slides to her soaked pussy. “Mmmm… so fucking wet. Don’t tell me you don’t want to sit on my face because I’ll call you a damn liar.”

She blushes, her eyes full of desire as I shove two fingers inside her. “Fuck, Tristan.”

I smirk at her, teasing her until she’s a whimpering mess before I pull my fingers out of her and climb onto the bed. She’s hesitant as she climbs on the bed. Grabbing her, I ignore how much the pain in my ribs makes me want to scream, dragging her so she’s hovering over my face. “Sit.”

She gingerly lowers herself. My hands grab her waist, and as I yank her onto my mouth, I growl, “I said sit . Let me feast on this sweet pussy, kitten.”