Page 21

CHAPTER 21

Tristan

C oach drums his fingers on the desk, then heaves out a long sigh. “I focused solely on the game when I first started playing college hockey. I firmly believed women and relationships were a distraction that would ruin any chance I had of playing professional hockey. I had flings, of course…” The side of his lip pulls up in a smirk. Coach is good-looking for his age, so I can only imagine how wild the women went over him when he was in college.

He grows serious, his eyes distant. “I was wrong.”

I lean forward in my chair, shocked by his words.

He runs a hand through his hair, his distress evident. “I met Kacie during my freshman year of college. She hit me with a door when she was exiting Stevenson. Her face turned bright red, and she apologized profusely.”

Clearing his throat, he says, “There was something about her. I was hooked. She was like a drug, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. But our worlds moved in different directions. Until I started struggling in psychology.”

My hands twist together, anticipation thrumming through me, wanting to know more .

“I was doing great in all my classes except that one. I went to the professor’s office hours and felt more lost than ever. It was too late to drop the course, and I was too stubborn to withdraw since that felt like giving up. The professor suggested I go to the Learning Center. Guess who ended up tutoring me?”

“Kacie.”

He nods. “Not only did she break the course material down in ways I could understand, but I earned an A by the end of the semester. Although I thought Kacie and I were complete opposites, we were the same in everything that matters—values, views, and morals.”

I blink, his story oddly like Jordyn and me. We are opposites, but we share similar values and morals.

Coach takes a deep breath and slowly exhales, shifting in his chair. “I was infatuated with Kacie the day she hit me with the door. I fell in love with her during our tutoring sessions. She tried to resist me since I was a jock….”

A laugh bursts out of me. Sounds familiar.

But the smile dies off my face, a wave of fear coursing through me. I lean forward in my chair, desperate for the answer to the burning question inside me. “Did she fall in love with you?”

A wide smile splits his face, which is all the answer I need. “We were engaged by summer and married over winter break.” His face fades, and the grief that transforms his face is like looking in a mirror. His voice is hollow, his gray eyes full of heartache as I stare at a man as broken as me.

“Seventeen amazing years together before Kacie passed away from cancer.” He rubbed his hands together, the wedding ring on his finger gleaming beneath his office lights. “She was the love of my life… I’ve been alone ever since.”

Ouch .

I close my eyes. And there it is. All good things come to an end.

“I know you’ve been through your share of loss.”

My eyes snap open. I’m barely breathing as I wait for him to finish.

“If you asked me if I’d do it all over again, knowing the outcome, I wouldn’t hesitate for one second to say yes. And I’d mean every goddamn word. I’d go through her illness and death all over again to hold her in my arms.”

While my heart breaks for him, the confusion churning in my stomach baffles me. “You mean the whole better to have loved and lost….”

He chuckles. “Kinda.”

His fingers drum over the wooden desk as he gathers his thoughts. “What I mean is love is worth it. Life isn’t worth living without love, Tristan. Does it hurt when you lose it? Of course, it fucking does. When you love someone so much, and death steals them from you, it can make you so bitter that it sucks all the joy from the world, making it a terrible place to live. Sometimes, you consider the possibilities of ending things just so you can join them.”

I suck in a breath. It all makes sense now. Coach so easily understood my grief and loss because he’d been through something similar. He was instrumental in helping me, sometimes dragging me into the land of the living again when all I wanted to do was give up.

“I went through a terrible depression after Kacie died. My dad and sister nagged at me to see a doctor because they were so worried about me. The doctor prescribed pills for it.” He bows his head in shame. “I ended up drinking while taking the pills, although I wasn’t supposed to, and nearly died.”

My palms are sweaty, and my heartbeat is sluggish. I understand that feeling all too well. Had my grandma not intervened, I may have wound up dead the night I got drunk off my ass and tried to ride my dad’s motorcycle.

“We’re kindred souls, Tristan. It’s why I kept reaching out to you after your family died. Why I refused to let you give up. I had people who cared about me, and they were there, pushing me when I needed them to, refusing to give up on me. I did the same for you.”

I’m an emotional mess as I nod, too choked up to speak.

“I’m not benching you, Tristan. Get that thought out of your head. This isn’t about that.” He smiles. “I saw you near the clinic, arguing with a very pretty blonde. The tension and electricity between you reminded me of Kacie and me.”

“Yeah, and look what happened. I played like shit today. I couldn’t focus.”

“That happens when you love someone.”

My head snaps up, and my movements still. “I-I’m not in l-love, coach. Jordyn and I… well, it’s complicated. We’re roommates, and her stepbrother is my teammate.”

Coach frowns. “Who’s her stepbrother?”

“Josh Fowler.”

Coach raises his brows. “That surprises me. The two of them seem like complete opposites.”

“They are. There’s a lot of tension between them. But her stepfather cut her education funding, and she didn’t have a lot of options.”

“Ah, I see. You have a beautiful, forbidden roommate living with you.” He gives me a knowing look. “She seemed pretty into you, too.”

I raise my brows. “We’re opposites.”

Coach leans back in his chair, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Opposites attract.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t exactly put my best foot forward. First, she caught me with another girl?—”

“She saw you with someone else? ”

I squirm in my chair at the look on his face. “Well, um… yeah. It was stupid. Josh told me to fuck the pain away since it’s near the anniversary…” My voice shakes, and I swallow hard before forcing the words out.

“The anniversary of your parents and sister’s death,” He finishes. “It takes a while to say it without breaking down, Tristan. Three years for me.”

I do the math. “You’re thirty-nine?” I’m shocked. He sure as hell doesn’t look thirty-nine. He could easily pass for much younger.

He chuckles. “You seem surprised.”

“Sorry. It’s just… You don’t look it.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He shoots me a wink, then leans back, crossing his hands over his stomach. “Tristan, we’re a lot alike. And our life experiences are similar. You see, I didn’t believe in love at first sight. I thought that a relationship would destroy my hockey career. Course, that didn’t keep me from having flings, so please don’t think I’m judging you. I can’t help but laugh at the image of you and Jordyn meeting like that.”

I snort. “Most embarrassing moment of my life. I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time. Of course, she was skeptical. Alex and I convinced her otherwise… Until I fucked up.”

Coach arches a brow. “What did you do? Sleep with another woman?”

“God, no.” I shudder at the thought. “I nearly got caught in the shower with her. By Josh.”

Coach laughs, shaking his head. “Sorry. I’ve been there. The fear of getting caught heightens the experience.”

“It should’ve.” Slumping in the chair, I sigh. “I went for a run afterward. The fear of my relationship with my high school sweetheart dissolving started creeping into my head while I aimlessly ran. When I looked up, I realized I was near the cemetery. ”

“Lemme guess? You ran up there, broke down, and vowed to focus solely on hockey?”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Yes, but only because I did the same thing. After Kacie and I had a big fight, I visited my mom’s grave and vowed to end things with her and focus solely on hockey.”

I lean forward, my interest piqued. “What happened?”

“I was fucking miserable. My game sucked. I fought with the guy on the opposite team who’d been flirting with her while she sat in the stands. Got benched for two games by my coach, who wasn’t nearly as cool and understanding as me.” He gives me a smirk and laughs.

“It was my dad who set me straight. He could tell I was nuts about Kacie. And yeah, I barely knew her, Tristan. But she was different. It was like my heart and soul instantly knew she was the one. Once we made up and got back together, I played better than ever. Seeing her in the stands, cheering me on… She’s the reason I was drafted.”

His words sink in. “But when you fought… Or things went wrong in your relationship….”

“Tristan, things are going to go wrong in life. Hell, you could get the flu and play like shit because of it. But I knew, no matter what, I had someone who loved me, whether I played hockey or not. It was the same for your parents. They fell in love at first sight, and both went on to marry, have kids, and juggle demanding careers.”

I nod. “Yeah, I remember them talking about how complicated things were.”

Coach grins, leaning forward. “Describe your family in one word.”

I don’t hesitate. “Love.”

“They supported one another. When your mom got injured and couldn’t skate anymore, your dad convinced her to teach, right? ”

I nod. “Yeah. Mom said she wouldn’t have done it if not for Dad.”

“And until your dad retired, didn’t your mom attend every one of his games?”

“Yes. We went to every game. My grandma would often come along in case she needed to take me and Elaine back to the hotel so Mom could remain at his game.”

“Exactly. They supported one another. I had the pleasure of meeting the two of them. They were amazing people with an incredible love that reminded me of what I had with my wife…”

“What are you saying, Coach?”

“Love is always worth the risk.”