Page 47 of Prudence (Balfe Family #1)

“I’m not on anyone’s side. None of this ever should’ve been about picking sides,” I replied sadly. “It was a horrible thing, and I’m sorry that it happened to you, but there were no villains in the story, not really.”

She lifted her chin, refusing to see sense.

“I always knew this would happen. You were my favourite, Milly. I saw you as a young version of myself, and I’d hoped to be a guiding force in your life.

If you’d started dating the Balfe boy, you would’ve been swept up into his orbit.

You’d have joined Padraig’s family and distanced yourself from me.

After what that man did to me, there was no way I was letting him steal my goddaughter away to become a part of his picture-perfect life. ”

“That’s not what would’ve happened,” I said, my voice clear and steady. “You always would’ve had me in your life. I loved you, looked up to you in so many ways. You didn’t need to deceive me to keep me with you. The truth would’ve garnered just as much sympathy as the lie, and that’s the sad part.”

Aunt Nell stared at me for a long time. At last, she said, “If that’s how you feel, then I’m sorry, but I maintain that your life turned out for the better, so I don’t regret keeping you away from that boy.”

Her stubbornness was galling, but it didn’t surprise me.

Aunt Nell wasn’t a woman to ever admit wrongdoing.

She walked away and out of the restaurant, leaving me alone at the table while the server cast me a furtive glance.

I picked up a napkin and dabbed at my eyes, swallowing down the rest of the tears that wanted to fall.

Was this it? Was my relationship with my aunt over?

I was too overwrought by emotion to think clearly, but I just couldn’t see myself getting past the fact that she didn’t seem to feel a shred of guilt.

If she’d sat across from me and expressed regret for the decisions she’d made as a younger woman, then maybe I could’ve found it in myself to move past it.

But no, she’d held firm to the idea that she’d been right all along, and that was the most heartbreaking part.

Deep down, I wondered if any of it was even about Padraig and what he’d done to her.

Perhaps at the core of it all, Nell was never going to approve of any boy unless he was someone she’d chosen personally, like Colin.

I remembered when my neighbour PJ had asked me out and how she’d been appalled by the idea, swaying my opinion against him.

I suspected Aunt Nell was simply used to controlling those around her and getting to make decisions for the people in her life.

I’d always thought her three marriages had ended because she was so career focused, but maybe that hadn’t been it.

Her need for control and her inability to compromise could’ve pushed her partners away or caused resentment.

Back when I was young, I’d always been so grateful for her generosity, how she’d helped my parents out time and again with money. But ultimately, that kept us all doing everything she wanted. It was just another form of control.

Feeling bad that we’d left the server waiting, and also that we’d taken up a table in a popular restaurant during their busy period, I ordered several dishes to go, deciding that Derek and the girls would probably be hungry when I got back.

I left the server a generous tip, too, then went outside to look for a taxi.

By the time I got back to Colin’s house, I found the place empty. Derek and the girls were nowhere to be found, so I checked my phone and found a text from about an hour ago.

Derek: We went out for food and a walk in the park. Should be back in a few hours. x

The kiss lifted my mood a little as I placed the food in the fridge for later and went to the room I was staying in.

The one next to it was Derek’s, and he’d left the door ajar.

I saw his small suitcase at the foot of the bed and a few of his things scattered across the comforter.

Some people might’ve been uneasy about hosting the man they were falling in love with under the roof of their child’s father, but my relationship with Colin wasn’t typical of exes.

When I asked if it was okay for Derek and Gigi to stay at his house while he was away, Colin had been more than happy to oblige.

It was one of the reasons our relationship had never worked out.

Colin’s love was light and easy going, not at all possessive or all-consuming.

I needed so much more than easy. I needed to be desired and fought for.

I needed to be someone they couldn’t stand to live without, and that was exactly how Derek made me feel.

When he walked into a room full of people, it was like I was the only person there. I knew it wasn’t a common thing, that the connection we shared was rare and precious, something to be treasured.

Tingles danced down my spine as I thought of the way he looked at me, the pleasurable shiver a good distraction from my sadness and disappointment in Aunt Nell.

Her walking out of that restaurant today without any resolution, and her refusal to apologise, really did feel like the final nail in the coffin.

Sadness gripped me that I’d lost a family member I’d once held dear, but sometimes it took half a lifetime to finally see a person clearly.

Slipping off my shoes and cardigan, I laid down in bed, meaning only to rest my eyes for a little while, but I ended up drifting off to sleep.

When I woke up, it was to a soft knock on my bedroom door.

“Milly, are you in there?” Derek called, and I replied somewhat groggily, “Yes, I was just napping.”

He hesitated a moment, then said, “I dropped the girls off at Deirdre’s friend’s house. I told them I’d be back to collect them in a couple hours.”

“Okay.”

There was a short pause before he asked, “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, just tired.”

“You sound upset. Can I come in?”

“Of course, you can,” I replied, then realised I looked dishevelled after falling asleep in my clothes, so added.

“Just give me a minute.” Sitting upright, I quickly ran to the adjoining bathroom to gargle some mouthwash and fix my appearance.

“You can come in now,” I called as I returned to the bed.

The door opened and Derek stepped inside.

He surveyed me intently, his gaze etched in concern. “You look like you’ve been crying. What happened?”

It suddenly felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

A tension crackled between us, and my conversation with Aunt Nell made me even more desperate for him.

I didn’t want to waste another second after all the time we’d already lost. My heart screamed at me to tell him I loved him.

The urgency built like a drumming pulse beneath my skin.

My brain, on the other hand, held the words under a tight leash.

I’d been putting off telling him about Aunt Nell, but the time had come for him to know.

He deserved my honesty, especially since I’d never given it to him when we were younger.

“I had an argument with my aunt,” I revealed, and Derek came to sit by me on the edge of the bed.

“Okay, well, I’m sure it wasn’t—”

“No,” I cut him off. “It was bad . So bad that I don’t think I want her in my life any longer.” My throat wobbled with emotion as Derek took my hands into his, his warm, strong palms soothing some of the ache in my chest.

He caught my gaze, some kind of indecision warring behind his eyes before he asked, “Was the argument about my dad?”

Just like that, the bed dropped out from under me. I was freefalling. How did he … What the …

Blinking, I stared at him in shock. “You know?”

His fingers tightened around mine as he confessed, “I overheard you speaking with my father after he collapsed at Gigi’s party.”

“You’ve known since the party? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Derek’s shoulders seemed to deflate. He looked away for a moment before bringing his attention back to me.

“I was going to, but then the more I thought about it, the more I decided it wasn’t important anymore.

Whatever your reasons for keeping things from me in the past, I know they weren’t malicious.

It’s not in your nature to be cruel. So long as you’re honest with me from now on I don’t care about things you didn’t tell me before. ”

“You should care. I could be a terrible person.” I was shaking with the adrenaline of a two-decade old secret finally being exposed.

Derek’s gaze softened as he let go of my hands to move deeper onto the bed.

“Milly, you couldn’t be a terrible person even if you tried.

I see how you are, how you live for others.

If you made a selfish choice, I know that it was ultimately to protect someone else.

” He had no idea how close he was to the truth because the whole reason I’d kept him at a distance was to protect Aunt Nell’s feelings.

But I wasn’t entirely unselfish. If I were, I never would’ve allowed myself to become friends with him back then.

I would’ve stayed away from him completely in solidarity with my aunt, but I hadn’t.

I was unable to resist his draw, the connection that always sparked to life in his presence.

Derek reached out as though to pull me into his arms, but I shifted back. His face fell, and my chest constricted. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to hold me, I was just feeling dizzy headed with the revelation and needed a moment to untangle my thoughts.