Page 16 of Prudence (Balfe Family #1)

Milly

This was just my luck. My aunt stared out the living room window as I made the walk from Derek’s car to the front door. As soon as I saw her BMW in the drive, my heart pounded with apprehension. I’d hoped to make it inside without being seen, but that wasn’t to be.

My aunt’s expression was one of hurt and devastation as I let myself into the house.

I’d texted my parents to say I was staying over in Nuala’s last night, but being driven home by Derek while still wearing the same outfit I’d left in the previous evening, not to mention my messy, uncombed hair and eyeliner smudges beneath my eyes, well, let’s just say it wasn’t a particularly innocent look.

My parents and aunt came out into the hallway just as I was hanging up my coat and slipping off my shoes.

“Did you have a good night, honey?” Mam asked, clearly sensing the tension from my aunt and trying to smooth it over.

“Yes, it was fun,” I answered evenly, hoping I might get up to my room without too much of an interrogation.

“Was that Derek Balfe’s car I just saw?” Aunt Nell questioned, her arms folded across her chest as she scrutinized me.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, feeling like a truly awful person.

Derek and I hadn’t had sex last night, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t wanted to.

As I crawled into his bed, the pillows and sheets smelling overwhelmingly of him, I’d wanted nothing more than to give in to the desires I’d kept tightly tucked away.

But Derek was too much of a gentleman to do anything like that while I was drunk, and this fact made me defensive on his behalf.

He didn’t deserve to be judged as harshly as he was by my aunt just because of what his father had done over thirty years ago.

Derek had been an incredible and loyal friend to me this past year, but none of that mattered to Aunt Nell.

“Yes,” I replied, clearing my throat. “I stayed at Nuala’s last night, and Derek offered to drive me home.”

“Very kind of him,” Mam said, while my dad, like usual, shuffled by and headed upstairs, mumbling something about an emergency number two. That was his typical excuse when he wanted to go sit in the bathroom and avoid whatever drama was going on in the house.

“And that’s all it was?” Aunt Nell questioned further, eyeing me suspiciously.

Righteous indignation built within me because she wasn’t my mother and didn’t have the right to dictate who I spent time with.

I’d already told her Derek was my friend and that it would go no further.

But then I thought of all she’d done for me over the years, how she was now offering me a route to fulfil my dreams when my own plan had failed.

The least I could do was offer a little loyalty.

“Yes,” I said, stepping forward to give her arm a reassuring squeeze. “That’s all it was, truly. Derek’s a friend of mine, nothing more.”

My words seemed to soothe her misgivings somewhat as her expression softened. “You have no idea what a relief that is to hear. I want you to fulfil your potential, Milly, not throw it all away for a boy.”

I nodded, while at the same time, a part of me felt like arguing that falling in love didn’t necessarily mean I’d end up in the same boat as her. Derek wasn’t his father, and I wasn’t my aunt. Sadly, she was so deep in her past hurt that there didn’t seem to be any convincing her of that.

I retreated to my room, changing out of last night’s clothes before taking a long, hot shower.

As the water sluiced down my body, memories of Derek holding me through the night filled my head.

His scent in my nose, his hard, strong frame cradling mine.

I’d woken up with my head on his chest, his steady heartbeat thudding in my ear while my hands practically groped his muscled stomach.

I’d been physically unable to prevent myself from touching him.

I’d managed to keep it innocent enough, merely running my fingers through his hair.

But that didn’t mean I hadn’t wanted to crawl on top of him, plaster my lips to his and lose myself in the desire that had built over the last year with no outlet.

But there would never be a Derek and me. I’d made my choice over a year ago, and with my future in the balance, I needed to find some resolve and stay on my path.

***

The next morning, he sent a text inviting me to join him for a walk on the beach. I had no other plans, and despite Aunt Nell’s disapproval, I wanted to spend as much time with Derek as I could before I had to leave for London.

The weather was sunny, so I dressed in shorts, sandals and a loose T-shirt, leaving my hair down.

Then I grabbed my sunglasses before I headed out to meet Derek.

I spotted him in the distance, leaning up against a wall close to the beach as I approached.

My heart pounded at the sight of him, and there was no point denying it.

I was in love with him, and it was the most devasting feeling to want someone this much.

He could never be mine.

“Hello,” I said, shooting him a shy smile as I reached him.

Derek pushed his sunglasses up to rest on top of his head, his eyes warm as they travelled along my body before pausing on my face. There was something in his demeanour, something that wasn’t normally there. It took me a moment to pinpoint what it was.

He looked nervous.

“Hey, you,” he murmured, stepping close before pulling me into a hug. In my flat sandals, my face was about level with his shoulder. His familiar cologne tickled my nose, and I sucked in a breath before he released me, his gaze soft.

“How are you feeling? Hangover passed yet?”

I chuckled quietly. “I drank a lot of vodka the other night but not enough to warrant a two-day hangover. Besides, the key to beating it is hydration.”

“Good tip,” Derek smiled, seeming unable to tear his gaze away from me. He fiddled with something in his pocket then exhaled heavily. “Right, let’s get walking, shall we?”

We headed down to the beach and walked in companionable silence for a few minutes, the sounds of the shore, birds cawing and other beach goers surrounding us. After a while, we left the swimmers and sunbathers behind as we reached the more deserted part of the strand.

“So, I wanted to ask you something,” Derek began, the nervousness I noticed when I arrived returning. There was nobody else around as we strolled along the hot sand.

He stopped walking and moved to stand in front of me. My breath caught when he removed my sunglasses, his fingertips brushing my ear before he slid them off and gently placed them in the pocket of my shorts. Then he took both my hands in his, the warmth of his palms making my heart thrum.

“When you told me about going to London, I felt this intense panic at the thought of you not being here anymore, and that’s not a normal way to react to a friend telling you they’re moving away,” he began, and I blinked, taken aback by his confession.

“It solidified something I’ve known for a long time,” he went on, his voice a low rumble, and my heart pounded even harder.

“Something you’ve known?” I questioned.

His look was devastating, like he was about to profess a secret that would doom him forever. “I’m in love with you, Milly,” he said, and time froze.

I stood there, my hands in his, eyelids fluttering as I tried to comprehend the words he’d just spoken. It was a simple statement, and yet, it was so unexpected that it caused my brain to get stuck in a loop, like a skipping record, unable to quit repeating the same nonsensical noise.

“Derek,” I managed at last, my throat dry and scratchy.

“You’re my best friend,” he said, almost sadly. “But I want to be more than your friend. I’ve wanted it for a long time, and if what I suspect is true, I think you might feel the same way.”

I did. My goodness, I did. Derek possessed my entire heart. He might as well be holding it in his hand as he stood before me.

“It’s not that easy,” I practically whispered. “I’m moving to London.”

“Milly, don’t you understand? I’m fucking in love with you. I adore you. I’d follow you to the ends of this earth if you asked me to.”

Suddenly, emotion swelled behind my eyes. This boy, honestly, I didn’t deserve him.

“You’d move to London for me?”

“I’d move mountains for you,” he breathed, chest rising and falling as he gazed down at me with so much love and adoration in his eyes I could hardly stand it.

An image of Aunt Nell flashed in my mind, her pain and hurt when she’d told me what had happened between her and Derek’s dad, and the fear in her eyes at the idea of me making the same mistakes.

Every once in a while, I’d consider telling Derek about it, what had transpired between his father and my aunt.

But the way he spoke of his dad, the respect and love he held for the man, I didn’t have it in me to shatter that image.

Padraig might’ve been cruel to Aunt Nell, but he’d been a seventeen-year-old boy at the time.

It didn’t mean he hadn’t changed and matured, becoming the good father Derek saw him as now.

And that was why I kept it to myself. In my mind, no good could come from telling him.

A tear trickled down my cheek, and his breathing hitched. “Hey, don’t cry. This is supposed to be a happy moment.”

He was right. I should be happy, but I wasn’t.

I was devastated. Because no matter how much I might love him back, I simply couldn’t hurt my aunt in that way.

If it weren’t for her, my life would’ve turned out so much worse.

She’d bailed my parents out numerous times because they were so bad with money they’d almost gone bankrupt.

She’d even paid off the remainder of their mortgage so we’d always have a roof over our heads.

Countless times she’d made sacrifices to save us, and now, it was my turn to repay her.

Too bad it came in the form of breaking my own heart—and Derek’s.

He let go of my hands to wipe away my tears, his touch full of gentle care that only made me want to cry harder.

Then, before I properly understood what was happening, he pulled something from his pocket.

It was the same thing he’d been anxiously fiddling with earlier, and all the air fled my lungs when he started to get down on one knee.

“Derek, wait …” I said, reaching for his shoulders to prevent him from kneeling, but he was already on the sand, the small black velvet box in his hold as he gazed back up at me.

“This past year, I haven’t wanted to spend time with anyone but you, Milly.

Every time I’m away from you, all I can think about is how long it will be before I can see you again.

And when I look into the future, I can’t imagine it without you by my side.

” He paused speaking to open the box, revealing a beautiful antique diamond engagement ring within.

The stone practically glittered under the hot August sun.

I was trapped in the moment, barely able to think coherently as the sea wind whipped up my hair, long strands flying in my face as I stared mutely down at Derek.

“This ring was my grandmother’s. She died when I was thirteen and left this to me as her eldest grandchild.

She said I should give it to the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that woman is you …

” His words trailed off as his nerves got the better of him for a second.

I watched his throat bob as he swallowed.

When he spoke again, his voice was a low rumble that vibrated through me, causing butterflies to erupt throughout my body. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Camille,” he said, his gold-flecked eyes latching onto mine. “Will you marry me?”

Again, tears fell down my cheeks. My heart cracked right down the centre. Derek was asking me to marry him, and I … I had to say no even while everything inside me yearned to say yes. I felt like I was being torn apart.

“Derek,” I whispered, tenderly reaching out to stroke his hair. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”

My response caused a visceral reaction in him, and his shoulders sank as his chest deflated. I hated myself in that moment. Hated that I had to hurt him.

His gaze flickered back and forth, confusion marring his handsome features, then at last, devastation. “You don’t love me,” he said, a statement not a question.

He began to stand, rising back to his full impressive height. I reached for his hand. “That’s not it. I feel a lot for you. You’re my b-best friend. But we’re too young to make such a commitment. I’m only nineteen, and you’re barely twenty. It wouldn’t be … It wouldn’t be prudent.”

His eyebrow arched. “Prudent? If you felt for me what I feel for you, prudence wouldn’t even enter your mind, Milly.

Not for a single second.” He slammed his palm against his chest. “I know with absolute certainty that I could love you for the rest of my life. Not a day would go by where I didn’t worship at your feet.

If that feeling were returned, there would be no question.

You’d move mountains to be with me just like I know I’d do the same for you. ”

His words took me down, striking hard like a knife to the heart.

Was that true? If I loved Derek like I believed I did, would hurting my aunt even matter?

Maybe he was right. One thing was for sure, I didn’t deserve him.

Not for a second. He was willing to marry me, devote his life to me, but I couldn’t commit to him in the same way.

Derek shoved the ring box back in his pocket, his eyes so forlorn it was difficult to breathe.

“I hope you find happiness, Camille. I hope you fulfil all your dreams and do everything you set out to. Wherever your life leads, I will always love you, and I will always think of you.”

With that, he bent down and pressed a paralyzingly mournful kiss to my temple before he turned and walked away. I stood there until his figure was far in the distance. Then I dropped to the sand and cried until I had no more tears left to shed.