Page 22

The next morning, as we’re packing up to leave just after dawn, I’m in a good mood. I’m actually humming as I give the food stored in the rear Jeep a quick inventory.

I haven’t forgotten that Logan asked me to keep my eye on it, so I’m planning to do it every morning.

I’m still humming an old girl-power pop song, slightly off-key, when a voice comes from behind me. “You need any help?”

I stiffen from surprise and then from immediate reluctance, but I manage to hide it as I turn back to smile mildly at Trisha. “No. I think I’ve finished it. Thanks.”

“You sure?” She’s giving me her most saccharine look.

I wish it wouldn’t grate on me so much. She’s doing nothing particularly aggressive right now.

She’s been actively avoiding Deck since that conversation I overheard, so she appears to have gotten the point that he’s not susceptible to her charms .

“Yeah. I just need to redo the fruit. It’s a lot lower than it should be, and Logan asked me to keep track of it.”

“Okay.” Trisha doesn’t walk away as I expect. She leans against the back of the Jeep and watches as I start adding up the cans of fruit.

It’s still too low as I get toward the end. We used some twice for meals in the past week, but that’s not enough to make the dent in the numbers that’s evident since my last inventory.

Private snacking is against the rules. No one should try to sneak food on their own because the consequence would be banishment from the group.

I’m about to count the cans again when Trisha says, “My mom used to always feed me canned fruit cocktail as a kid. I hated everything except the cherries.”

I give a startled laugh, not expecting Trisha to share something that feels so real. “Yeah. We never had it at home, but my grandma would serve canned fruit salad. It wasn’t my favorite either.”

“It’s funny how things feel different now. Canned fruit is one of the best things we’ve got.”

“I know.” I sigh and turn toward her, folding my legs to get more comfortable in the back of the Jeep. “I keep trying to remember what fresh fruit tastes like, and it’s just… gone.”

“For me too. Where did you grow up?”

I’m still surprised but also pleased that she’s actually showing any sort of interest in me as a person.

Maybe she’s the kind of person who takes a while to warm up, and now that she’s giving up her campaign to snag a guy, she’s able to interact more naturally.

“A small town in western Tennessee. What about you?”

“I’m from a small town in Tennessee too. After high school I moved to Nashville, determined to make it in country music.”

“Oh really? You sing?”

“Yeah. I sing and play the guitar.”

“You should do a song the next time Micah gets out his guitar. I’m sure everyone would be glad to hear you.”

“Maybe. That feels like a lifetime ago to me.” She pauses, staring at the cluster of storage units behind us. “It’s easier not to put yourself back there.”

“That makes sense. Did you have any luck in Nashville?”

“Not really. I got some gigs in bars, but I had to wait tables to pay my bills. But I was only at it for a few years before Impact. Then none of it mattered at all.”

“Yeah.” I sigh, still questioning Trisha’s unexpected attempt at bonding but unable to unearth any sort of agenda behind the conversation.

“I was in college. I was studying and preparing for law school and having some fun and making plans for what my life might look like and trying to figure out the person I was. Then all of it became meaningless in an instant.”

“Did you have a boyfriend?”

“I did. Hal.” I sigh, an ache in my chest that’s poignant but distant—like the grief has aged. “He was from the same town as me, but we didn’t start dating until college. We survived on our own for a couple of years after Impact. After he died, I was all alone. ”

“I know what that feels like.”

“Do you?” I hesitate. Then risk the question. “How did you end up with the gang at that house?”

She makes a wry face and takes a minute before she answers. “When everything went to shit, I tried to get home to my family. But I didn’t make it. I was alone, and that gang found me. I didn’t have any choice.”

“No. I know you didn’t. That’s terrible.”

She shrugs and scrunches her features again before her expression clears. “We do what we have to. You know?”

“I know.” I smile at her. Then climb out of the back of the Jeep when Logan calls out a five-minute warning. “Well, now you’re with us. It’s better, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. A lot.”

I’m thinking about the conversation and trying to adjust to new impressions of Trisha as I join Deck at our normal pickup truck.

What? he signs, peering at my face closely.

“I don’t know. I was just talking to Trisha.”

About what?

I let Deck help me into the truck bed and take my normal position across from Burgundy, who has been listening to the conversation with a frown on her face. I say, “About our past. Did you know she wanted to be a country music star? ”

Deck shakes his head, and Burgundy looks surprised by this piece of information.

“I did,” Micah says, looking at me over his shoulder. “I told her she could borrow my guitar, but she never took me up on it.”

“I guess it reminds her too much of the past. I get that. Maybe she’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe I haven’t been fair to her.” The last sentence is more to myself than to the others.

You think so? Deck signs, his mouth turned down in a frown beneath his beard. We didn’t have time to trim his hair and beard this morning, but I’m hoping to do it during the midday break.

“I don’t know. Her man-chasing is definitely annoying, but it doesn’t make her a villain. I didn’t like her from the beginning, but maybe that’s on me.”

“I had nothing against her at first,” Burgundy says in a cool tone that’s not normally like her. “I tried to connect, and I gave her time to adjust. But she’s proven to be trouble at every step.”

“I know.” I think for a minute. “But I don’t like to think I immediately classified her as a mean girl when she’s… when life hasn’t been kind to her.”

“Life hasn’t been kind to any of us,” Burgundy says, still frowning in a way I rarely see from her.

“But we can’t let that harden what’s good inside us.

Give her a chance if you want, but just be careful.

Bad things happen to bad people as much as good ones.

Some people cared only about themselves before Impact and still care only about themselves now. ”

Her quiet words feel true to me. I glance over at Deck, and he nods soberly, pointing toward Burgundy, clearly communicating his agreement.

I sigh, wishing the world didn’t have to be as confusing as it is cruel. “Yeah. You’re right. I’ve always been careful with people. I’m not going to stop now.”

We make pretty good time throughout the morning and continue driving past noon. I’m expecting us to stop for lunch at any minute when Micah says, “Deck, look.”

All of us turn in the direction he indicates. It’s a big church on top of a hill, the steeple and half the roof collapsed.

Because I’m looking, I catch the recognition on Deck’s face.

“Oh wow,” Burgundy murmurs. “I remember that church building. I didn’t realize we were back in this region.”

“What region? Do we know this place?” Ridiculously, I’m feeling left out, like all my friends share a secret I don’t know.

“We’ve been here before,” Micah explains. “We stayed for a couple of months last year in a town nearby after a bunch of us got injured in a fight.”

“Oh. Okay.” I meet Deck’s eyes. “Did you get hurt?”

He shakes his head and points toward Micah.

“I got winged,” Micah says. “Logan was grazed in the side, and a few others had more serious injuries. We took out a gang that was causing trouble in the area, so the folks in town were grateful and helped us out.”

“I thought Logan wasn’t into missions of mercy.” I glance from one to another, still feeling slightly isolated. They have a long history together that I don’t share. It ties them to each other and to Logan more closely than to me.

Even Deck.

“He isn’t normally,” Burgundy explains. “But there were extenuating circumstances.”

“What extenuating circumstances?”

“His ex-wife lives in the town.”

My eyes widen. “I didn’t know he was married.”

“He was before Impact. All the fear and chaos pulled them apart. She hooked up with another guy, and they ended up here after Logan started traveling. Her new man died pretty quick, but she and her parents stayed. Anyway, Logan wanted to help by taking out the gang.” Burgundy’s been explaining all this in a matter-of-fact tone.

“But he let us know it was purely voluntary for the rest of us.”

“Oh. I see. How many people helped him?”

“Everyone.”

It doesn’t surprise me. I’ve rarely seen such loyalty as these people show to Logan. I feel loyal too but not to the same degree.

Another reason I stand slightly apart and probably always will.