Page 15

The next morning things are relaxed and almost normal between us. Nothing significant has changed despite the fact that we had sex last night.

When we’ve gotten dressed, Deck signs, You okay?

“Yeah. I’m a little sore, but I feel pretty good about everything. What about you?”

Very good . He gives me a wolfish smile, making me giggle.

“So you think we can do this, right? Act like we always have and just have sex at night when we want to?”

Yes.

“Okay. Good.” I squeeze one of his arms. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

I’m in a good mood all day. I do try to keep everything in perspective. It’s not like it would have been before Impact after I had a really good date. There’s not the same promise and hope for a future, not the leisure of slowly working out a relationship at our own individual pace.

But still. I’m definitely in a better mood than normal. Merely from the expectation of maybe having sex with Deck again this evening.

My good spirits are dampened only slightly when I find out that Deck has guard duty for the late-afternoon-and-early-evening shift. At least he’ll be done before too late, so we’ll still have the chance of sex afterward.

It’s a very warm evening, and the grit in the air doesn’t feel as thick as it sometimes does because there’s a steady breeze. After dinner, I sit outside on the porch swing, pleased when Micah comes to sit beside me.

He’s not Deck, but he’s good company.

I smile at him, waiting to see what he’ll say.

He arches his dark eyebrows. “So you and Deck are a thing now or what?”

I stiffen. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re together now?”

“We’re not together any more than we were yesterday,” I say rather primly and without complete accuracy. “Why is it any of your business?”

“It’s not. But you know how Logan is. He doesn’t like anything to interfere with the efficient functioning of his people.”

“I know. But that’s not going to happen. Everything is fine. ”

“Okay. Good. Because fucking is fine. Feelings not so much.”

I narrow my eyes at him, defensive and so switching the direction of the conversation. “It’s ridiculous of Logan to think he can control the feelings of everyone who rides with him.”

“I don’t think he gives a shit about what anyone feels about anything. He just doesn’t want the feelings causing problems.”

“They won’t.” Micah doesn’t look entirely convinced, so I ask, “So you don’t have any troublesome feelings about anything?”

He flashes me a half smile. “Not really. I love my sister but no one else. It really isn’t worth it in the shithole this world has become.”

“Burgundy said you all lost the rest of your family.”

“Yeah.” He’s not meeting my eyes. He’s always been good-natured and no-nonsense.

I’ve never seen him open up even this much before.

“But almost everyone has. You did too. That’s what I mean.

You can like people. I like all kinds of people.

But loving them?” He shakes his head. “Not worth it. Not when everyone ends up dying or leaving anyway.”

“That’s a pretty sad worldview.”

He gives me a surprised look. “It’s a pretty sad world.”

“Yeah. I know it. I used to be so angry about everything I’ve lost. But even back then, I never…” I have to think a minute before I finish the thought. “I never stopped wanting it.”

“I think that’s because you’re a better person than I am.” He sighs. Says in a hoarse murmur, “If something ever happens to Burgundy, that will be it for me. I won’t even try anymore.”

I reach over to touch his knee through his jeans, squeezing it companionably.

I understand exactly what he’s saying. What he feels. And why he feels that way.

Not everyone is like Deck. Not everyone can hold on to their heart in the face of one assault by the universe after another.

“So you’re not angry anymore?” Micah asks after a minute, sounding curious. And lighter than before.

“I don’t know. I think I still am. But it’s not always on the verge of exploding out of me like it used to be.” I suddenly see myself punching Deck’s shoulders, his wrapped hands. I feel the intense relief at finally letting some of that anger out.

Deck gave that to me. And so much more.

“I’d kind of like to see that.”

“See what?”

“See it all explode out of you.” He’s teasing. His eyes are glinting.

I shake my head, trying for disapproval but barely suppressing giggles. “You’re an asshole, you know.”

“I know. That’s what everyone says when they really get to know me.”

We’re both smiling when I become aware that someone has approached. Deck. I sense his presence before I see him coming around the corner of the house .

My heart leaps in excitement as he takes the porch steps all in one stride and stands in front of us, glowering.

“What’s the matter?” I ask, surprised because he seemed to be in a good mood like me earlier. “Has something happened?”

He looks from me to Micah and back again. He bristles. Then without any hesitation, he turns around and starts to sit down on the swing right between us.

There’s room for two, no problem. But not three. Especially when one of us is as big as Deck. But he doesn’t care. He makes a space for himself and sits down.

“Fuck, man,” Micah says, standing up before he’s completely squeezed off the swing. “You could’ve just asked for my spot.”

Deck scowls at him.

“Stop being ridiculous,” I tell Deck. “Micah and I were just talking.”

His lips curl on one side in a sneer.

Micah doesn’t appear particularly annoyed. He’s half laughing as he sits down on the porch floor, leaning against the house with his legs outstretched.

“We were only talking,” I murmur, checking Deck’s face.

His scowl is softening, but he’s still frowning as he looks between me and Micah.

I find one of his hands and squeeze it. He takes my hand between both of his and lifts it to his mouth, kissing the knuckles and then the palm.

“Oh yeah, right,” Micah says. “No inconvenient feelings happening here at all. ”

Deck and I ignore him.

The three of us have been hanging out for about thirty minutes when Logan strides onto the porch from the front door, followed by Trisha, who has been his constant shadow since our arrival.

She’s still trying for him. As far as I can see, he’s given her no encouragement, but she’s a woman who will want the most powerful man available to her.

And that’s Logan. No question.

I have no idea where Logan is heading or if he simply wanted out of the house. But he stops walking so abruptly Trisha almost runs into his back.

He makes an impatient sound and says in his normal blunt tone, “Look, Trisha, this is starting to get old. Do you always have to flutter around me like this?”

Micah makes a choked sound, obviously hiding laughter, and I raise a hand to cover my mouth.

I try so hard not to be mean and petty. I really do. But I don’t like Trisha. I like her even less now than I did when I first met her. And for a while I was worried Logan would give in, if only to have a convenient body in his bed.

But she’s now had that particular door slammed in her face, and I can’t help but be pleased I was here to see it.

Logan doesn’t wait for an answer. He walks off across the dark yard, the silver strands in his hair gleaming eerily in the light from the lantern on the porch.

Trisha watches him walk away, and I can see from her body language exactly what she’s feeling. Anger. Frustration. A momentary hesitation as she decides whether to follow him or give up.

She gives up. I see it happen in the slump of her shoulders and the inclination of her head.

But then she straightens again. Shakes herself off. And turns around.

Toward us.

I see her eyes move between Micah and Deck. Once. And then again.

Until they land on Deck and stay there as she approaches.

My stomach twists. My hackles rise.

She smiles sweetly, completely ignoring me as she focuses on Deck. “Logan is always so busy, but maybe you can help me, Deck. Something is broken on my bed. Can you help me fix it? Pretty please?”

My hands clench into fists as Deck glances toward me quickly before he nods and stands up.

“Thank you, sweetie! I knew I could count on you.” She moves toward the front door, reaching for one of Deck’s forearms so she can pull him after her. “It won’t take long.”

Deck glances back at me over his shoulder, but I fight every instinct to be territorial and just smile and wave him on.

Relaxing, Deck follows the other woman into the house.

He would jump to help if anyone asked him. It has nothing to do with Trisha. I know it for sure .

But that doesn’t stop the simmering resentment I feel for her rising to a boiling point.

“Bad idea,” Micah says blandly. “She’s going to make a play for him, you know. Now that Logan isn’t happening.”

“I know.”

“But you’re not going to stop it?”

“Stop what? Deck went to help her with her bed.”

“We both know what kind of help in bed she’s looking for.”

“Stop it. Deck isn’t going to do anything. He’s a grown-up, and he can tell her no.”

“If you say so. She should have wised up and made the move on me instead. I wouldn’t have told her no.”

“What?” My voice squeaks slightly with a sharp jolt of surprise and outrage.

Micah shrugs. “She’s hot enough. And I wouldn’t say no to a half-decent fuck if a woman offered.”

I frown at him. “I guess I thought better of you.”

“Yeah? Well, I’ll tell you something, Lilah.” He looks suddenly tired as he leans his head back against the wood siding of the house. Utterly exhausted. “Thinking better of me was your first mistake.”