Page 14

Deck is big.

I’ve always been aware of this obvious truth, but I’ve never experienced it as palpably as when he crawls into the small lower bunk with me.

How has he even been sleeping up top? He can’t even straighten his legs.

Right now he’s filling up all the extra room in the space between my mattress and the bottom of the upper bunk. He’s in an awkward all-fours position straddling my body as he bends his elbows to get low enough to kiss me.

I’m swallowed up by him in every way as I open to his mouth, winding my arms around his neck as my heart and every nerve ending thrills in excitement at getting to hold him this way.

He must have made some extra efforts to wash up this evening because he smells a lot like soap and just a little like his natural scent.

He’s as hot as a radiator as he devours my mouth, his tongue eager and presumptuous and his entire face somehow involved in the kiss. His nose, his jaw, his beard.

His beard .

I dig my fingernails into the back of his neck and arch up, trying to rub myself against the bulk of him. He’s still braced on his knees, so he’s too high up. I grind against nothing, whimpering in frustration.

He pulls back abruptly, his warm eyes searching my face and checking to make sure the sound I made wasn’t from anxiety or discomfort.

“How are we going to manage this?” I ask. “You’re so big I can’t even get a good dry hump going!”

He shakes with silent laughter and pulls me up in a quick, awkward maneuver that ends with him lying on his back beneath me and me sprawled on top of him.

Giggling helplessly, I rearrange so my legs are on either side of his hips and I’m leaning forward on his chest. This position allows me much better access to his body, and he’s not as at risk of bonking his head on the bunk every time he moves.

He slides me up his body to kiss me again. Since my back is shorter than his, I have to grind against his belly instead of his groin. That’s just fine with me. Every part of his body is warm and firm and natural. Real.

We kiss for a few minutes—deep and urgent but not rushed—until my pussy pulses and Deck’s hands have become more and more assertive. He’s got them under my T-shirt now, spanning my back and sliding down to cup my bottom over my cotton panties.

For no good reason, I hear Trisha’s sassy voice in the back of my head. There’s something about a man whose hands can span your waist. Or your ass.

The memory distracts me so much I break out of the kiss, straightening up so abruptly I bang the top of my head against the upper bunk.

“Ow!” I rub my scalp with a frown.

Damn Trisha. Somehow even interfering with this .

Deck is frowning and puzzled, peering up at me in the low light of the lantern that’s still illuminated. When I stay in position, absently massaging the sore spot on my head and purposefully clearing my mind, he lets go of my butt and turns his palms upward. What? he signs.

I shake my head. “Nothing. A random, stray thought that has nothing to do with us .”

What?

“I told you it was a stray thought. Don’t be pushy.”

He starts making the same sign again, so I grab his hands to stop him.

He resists, and we have a silly fight over his hands that ends up making him shake with silent laughter and me collapse in giggles.

He wraps his arms around me in a quick, tight hug but then lifts my shoulders so I’m sitting on top of him again. He points toward me and shapes his fingers into an O and a K .

“I’m okay.” He’s so serious I can’t bring myself not to give him a real answer. “I got kind of insecure for a minute. Are you… You really think we can do this and not have it turn into a mess, right?”

I… Yes. Neither one of us knows the sign for sure , but his response is clear and without hesitation nonetheless.

“Because it’s not like it would be back in the old world.

Just starting out. There are real stakes to everything now.

Life and death. Not only what Logan would do if we have a bad breakup.

In other ways, anything complicated could get in the way of our safety and security.

You might be strong enough to make it on your own if everything falls apart between us, but I’m… I’m not.”

He nods, obviously understanding what I’m attempting to express. He thinks for a moment before he reaches down to the floor where he dropped the pen and pad. He scrawls out, We can wait for this.

I stare at the words. Stare at his broad, familiar face. Stare at the words on the piece of paper again.

Then I whisper, “I don’t want to wait.”

His expression cracks in visible relief.

Call me wishy-washy if you must, but it makes me giggle again.

He smiles, amused and affectionate, and pulls me down into another kiss. This one is lighter. Gentler. Pleasurable but not so intense. I kiss him back, rubbing my body against his until all the arousal from before builds back up. Even stronger now.

This time when I rear up again, it’s to pull off my T-shirt so he can get his hands on my body more easily. I’m too enthusiastic with the motion and bang first my elbow and then my head against the top bunk .

I don’t hit very hard. It’s more annoying than anything else. I grumble as I pull the shirt off and fling it across the floor. The room is so small it hits the wall and slides down with cartoon slowness.

Laughing, I turn back to smile at Deck only to discover his eyes are lower than my face. I’m only wearing my panties now, and his attention is fixed on my bare breasts.

Back in college, I used to be confident in my body.

I’ve always been very small, but I had defined curves back then.

My breasts were firm and rounded, and my belly has never been anything but naturally flat.

But going without proper nutrition for so long has had a significant effect on my figure.

I’m not sure my boobs are much to look at anymore even after eating better for the past several weeks.

None of those worries are evident in the way Deck is gazing at me right now. Not only with the heat of arousal but also with something deep and hungry. He’s flushed under his beard. He’s hard as a rock beneath his trousers.

“Hey,” I say softly, something a lot heavier than arousal in my chest and my belly. When I get his attention, I make a motion toward my face. “Eyes up here, mister.”

The hot tension cracks again. His whole body shakes with suppressed laughter. He pulls me down into another kiss—a short, hard one—and then just hugs me for a minute until every hint of insecurity has vanished from my mind.

Maybe he senses it. Or maybe his physical condition becomes too urgent. He eases me up again and uses his large hands to rub my breasts.

It feels so good I let out a silly moan. Then I arch my back and bump my head again.

“Damn it!” I’m laughing and rubbing my scalp at the same time. “Bunk beds aren’t really conducive to these kinds of activities.”

He’s chuckling too, but he motions down to the floor.

“No way. The floor would be way more uncomfortable than this. But if I keep it up, between the laughing and the bruises, I’ll never be able to focus enough to have an orgasm.”

That comment makes an impact. His expression sobers, and he motions to get me to look at his face, meet his gaze.

I do. There’s no reason not to. And what I see in his eyes arrests me.

He sees me. Really sees me. All the way. Deep down inside.

And he still wants everything he sees there.

My giggles fade as I grow still. I can’t look away from him even as he lifts his hands to caress me again. He cups my face. Then gently runs his hands down my neck, curving around my throat for a moment before he separates them, sliding them down my shoulders and arms.

My throat and pussy both tighten as he palms my breasts before teasing my nipples between his fingers and thumbs.

An invisible cord inside me tugs between my nipples and pussy. I release an embarrassing whimper .

He continues stroking me until I’m so turned on I’m squirming and moisture is leaking from between my legs, through the worn cotton of my underwear, and onto the fabric of his shirt.

It’s only then he lowers one of his hands to tuck his fingers beneath the elastic of my panties, exploring until he finds my clit. He rubs it in firm circles as he tweaks one of my nipples with his other hand.

The intense sensations split me in two. I let out a quiet cry and jerk my head to the side as an orgasm tightens and builds.

He lets go of my breast to move my head back so I’m looking at him again as he rubs me off.

“Deck,” I choke out, something so nakedly intimate about meeting his eyes as I’m this close to coming that I can barely contain it.

“Deck, I need it.” I make a loud, hoarse gasp as he adjusts his hand, sliding one big finger into my pussy and rubbing my clit with his thumb.

“So bad.” The words are embarrassing me and making me hot at the same time, so I’m kind of swallowing them down as I speak them.

He slides his hand down to hold my head in place by the jaw as he works his other hand between my thighs. The orgasm comes on fast and hard, and I ride it out, grinding against his hand and making helpless, eager sounds.

He’s smiling, obviously proud of himself, when he finishes stroking me through the last of the spasms of my pussy. He retrieves his hand and sucks his finger clean .

I shake my head, trying and failing at disapproval. “Don’t get cocky.”

He laughs breathily through his nose and readjusts my body so I’m farther back on him—straddling just past his groin.

We both reach for his trousers and work on undoing them.

“I’m not sure how we ended up with me mostly naked and you wearing all your clothes,” I say in a feigned grumble. “That doesn’t seem quite right.”

He taps his chest and signs out okay again.

“Yes, it doesn’t surprise me that you’re just fine with it.

” I start to straighten up so I can wriggle out of my panties but stop when Deck lifts a quick hand to protect the back of my head before I bump it again.

“Yeah, okay. Here’s what we’ll do. I’m going to stand up to get out of my underwear, and you get rid of your clothes at the same time. Deal?”

He nods, already lifting his hips to pull down his pants and boxers as I climb out of the bunk.

When we’re both naked, he pulls me back on top of him again with a feral smile.

His cock is big. Big and hard and poised upright. I stare down at it greedily as I shift my position.

He taps my chin and makes a motion toward his face with two fingers.

I spill over with giggles. He couldn’t have said Eyes up here more clearly if he’d spoken with words.

Together, we arrange my body to align me over his cock, lifting my pelvis and lowering my head at the same time so I don’t hit the upper bunk again. It’s not entirely comfortable, but I couldn’t care less as Deck holds his penis in position and uses his free hand to guide my hips down.

It takes a little maneuvering to get the angle right, but then I’m sheathing him with my wet pussy.

Because Hal and I didn’t have sex very often in the last year of his life, I feel tight. Very tight.

I gasp loudly and halt midway down.

His hands are cupping my ass, and he helps hold me in place until I breathe it out and manage to relax.

When I can open my eyes, Deck’s eyes are moving from my face to the place where we’re joined. Torn between concern and the bone-deep need to thrust.

“I’m okay,” I tell him, intentionally softening my pussy so I can take more of him inside me.

No okay. Good. You good?

“I’ll be good in just a minute.” I can’t help but smile in response to his gestures. The contradiction of him. Big and gruff and sweet and silent. “It’s your own fault for being so inconveniently enormous.”

He chokes on a laugh. How big?

“I shouldn’t feed your ego.”

Yes.

“Okay, fine. Just this once. Very big. Very, very big.” I rock my hips as I say the teasing words.

He sucks in a sharp breath, his back arching slightly. His fingers clench in the soft flesh of my bottom. Sweat has broken out on his forehead, illuminated by the glow of the lantern we never turned off .

He’s holding on by a thread.

The tight discomfort has eased up now, so I reangle my hips. Keep rocking, gradually riding him faster and harder.

Soon he’s bucking up into me, matching my rhythm and shaking the frame of the bed with his enthusiasm. His breathing gets louder and more ragged as I squeeze my pussy around the penetration of his cock.

I’m not going to come again, but everything feels amazing. The pride and pleasure of it—the deep affection—fills my chest and throbs in my head.

It doesn’t take long for Deck to fall out of rhythm. His back arches up from the mattress as his fingers clench down hard on my ass. He jerks and huffs and lets go of me to slam one of his hands against the wall as he works his way up toward release.

Just before he reaches climax, he lifts my hips so his cock slides out of my pussy. I grab it so I can squeeze him through the spasms. The spurts of his ejaculation are so forceful they hit me on my neck and chin.

We’re both gasping when he’s worked through the last of them. I keep gently massaging his cock as it gradually softens. My entire body is flooded with excitement and ownership.

He gestures to get me to look at him, and I smile. He smiles back.

He pulls me down into an embrace. His body is so hot I’m momentarily convinced it will burn me. But he’s relaxing now. Softening. I love the feel of it. Him .

After a minute, he slides a hand between my legs and starts rubbing before I know to expect it.

I come in less than a minute, tensing and shuddering through the release with a loud whimper since all my inhibitions have somehow vanished.

He strokes my hair and my back. I play with his beard and kiss his shoulder.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt so completely good.