Page 34 of Project: FU (Longwood U #3)

TAVIS

“So, you guys gonna have kids?” Orion asks.

We all freeze at his question and stare at him.

As soon as Skye moved in, Orion started hanging out. We spent two afternoons at Rachel’s house in the garage, and when Nolan met me there after he was finished at school, we ate in the backyard together with Hannah.

I appreciate that there’s still some sense of normalcy in my life. It felt good to have us all together like that. It saddens me that Kelsey’s absence didn’t even feel that unusual. Family time never meant much to her in the same way it does her siblings and parents.

That’s fine, I suppose. Everyone is different. One person’s priority might not be the next person’s.

But I love how my boys are constantly around. In the past week since Skye joined us, I’ve seen Orion four times. Twice at his mother’s and he’s been here twice. It means a lot.

Even more, I love that both my boys—my daughter and Rachel, too—get along with Nolan. I’m not sure how we’d have navigated trying to live separate lives. We’d have made it work, but I’m so relieved that we don’t need to try.

We’re now sitting in the living room of our condo—me, Nolan, Orion, and Skye—watching the game, studying, and talking. I’m not at all surprised that Orion drops these things on us.

Nolan glances at me.

“We haven’t discussed kids,” I say. My gut says I don’t know if I’d like to start over when all my kids are grown. But then again, when I look at Nolan, I wonder what it would be like to raise a kid or two with someone I’m madly in love with.

“You’re not getting any younger,” Orion helpfully points out.

I glare at him, though Nolan smirks.

“Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll step in if you’re too old for kid duties,” Orion says. “Or husband duties.” He winks at Nolan.

Another thing that’s very clear is that Orion has a crush on Nolan. He’s not subtle. I’m also quite certain that Skye does as well, though he’s far more subtle than his brother.

“I have substitutes,” Nolan says, grinning at me.

“You have replacements, but they’ll never be as legendary as the original,” I correct.

Both my kids laugh, Orion far more boisterously than Skye. Skye’s cheeks flush, too.

Something I’m surprised about in this development is my reaction to my kids crushing on my man. I’m not bothered by it. I don’t hate it at all. A part of me kind of likes it.

Needless to say, I haven’t taken the time to truly think about it. Between hockey, my kids, and home with Nolan, there isn’t a lot of downtime. Which I love. I haven’t been to the bar in months.

I’d taken the job to get me out of the house and fill my empty evenings with something . My evenings are no longer empty. Nothing in my life is empty. I feel very fortunate.

“Would you want to start again?” Skye asks.

“With a newborn,” Orion says, shaking his head.

Nolan looks at me again, waiting for my answer. I brush his cheeks, trace his jaw. “What do you think?”

“I think we don’t need to make a decision right now. I still have a year left of school.”

“I agree. But since my kids feel like they need to know right now whether they’ll be getting a new sibling, what are your general thoughts on kids?”

Nolan shrugs, tilting his head from side to side. “The truth? I don’t know that I’ve given it much thought. I’ve made the statement ‘ when I have kids ’ throughout my life, but that’s the world we’re in, right? You’re expected to have kids. It’s the only fulfilling purpose in life.”

Orion snorts.

“As far as whether I’ve wanted kids personally?” he shrugs. “I don’t think I’ve truly considered it. It always felt like a far-off event.”

“Can’t wait too long,” Orion muses.

“Sure, I can. It’s not like I need to carry our kid,” I say, smirking.

Orion opens his mouth, but it’s clear I’ve stumped him. We’re not waiting for a biological clock here. “Huh,” he says.

“Do you have an opinion?” Nolan asks me. “Do you want more kids?”

I shake my head, shrugging. “I haven’t thought about it, either. I’d always known that my four were the only kids Rachel and I would have together, but I think a part of me was resigned to life with Rachel. So… it’s never crossed my mind that there’s something after.”

“I hate that you were so unhappy,” Skye says quietly.

Oops. I sometimes forget that they’re my kids when I’m talking to Nolan. Conversations about my relationship with Rachel are very open between the two of us. I have nothing to hide, and I’m happy to discuss my past.

But I don’t always need my kids to know the entire truth of what’s between their mother and me. Those are burdens they should never feel.

“I had you to keep me happy,” I say, which is the absolute truth.

“But then we grew up and moved out,” Orion says.

“You did. And that’s exactly what you should be doing. Don’t ever feel like you need to be here when there’s something else you want to do.”

“I want to be here,” Skye says immediately.

Orion nods his agreement. “Same. Maybe this makes me lame, but you and Skye have always been my best friends. I’m not afraid to say that.”

Skye smiles at his brother and looks away.

Talk about making a parent feel wanted. “That means a lot to me.”

“I’m looking forward to my new stepdaddy being my bestie, too,” Orion says, giving Nolan a wide, flirty smile.

“How do you make everything sound so dirty?” Nolan asks, laughing.

“It’s a gift. I have many.”

Nolan looks at me. “He got that cockiness from you, didn’t he?”

“Did I?” Orion asks.

“Oh, for sure.”

I smirk at my son. “Must be genetic, since I definitely didn’t teach that.”

“How about this—next question in getting to know my stepdaddy and Dad’s future plans: What do you want to do after college?” Orion asks.

There are times when I think he’s fishing for something specific. Like right now. I don’t care about the questions. I love that they want to get to know each other. Maybe it’s the way he leads into asking.

Nolan shakes his head. “Not sure.”

“Are you going to want to move home?” Skye asks. “Your family lives in Northern Cali, right?”

Okay, that’s a question I should have asked.

“I love my family, and I guess part of me always thought I’d move home after I graduated, but I don’t know. I’m not opposed to staying here.” He looks at me. “You probably don’t want to move away from your kids.”

“I don’t,” I admit, “but this is definitely something we should talk about. Our location needs to make us both happy.”

Nolan nods absently. “I’ll take you home this summer, and you can see where I grew up.

The entire neighborhood was purchased by my Uncle Quin before there were houses there.

He specifically sold each parcel to someone in our family.

Someone important to him or one of his husbands.

That’s how we got there. My Princess Daddy V is Uncle Quin’s best friend. ”

“Hold on. Princess Daddy V?” Orion asks.

Nolan grins hugely. “Just wait. I’m not giving you any clues. Just wait ’til you meet him.”

I’m sure I’m not the only one who caught on to Nolan including my boys in this future visit home. Skye’s shy smile as he looks into his lap doesn’t leave his face. Orion beams. I feel like my heart is going to punch its way from my chest.

“So my entire neighborhood is people I love. Family,” Nolan continues.

“There’s that old saying that it takes a village to raise a kid, and I’ve always kind of scoffed because what it really takes is a good parent to raise a kid.

But in my neighborhood, it is a village raising us.

I was at all my cousins’, grandparents’, and friends’ houses as much as at home, growing up.

I—” He pauses and then laughs. “I was just going to say that’s the exact kind of environment I’d like to raise my kids in, but I’m not sure if that’s reflex or if I really imagine myself having kids. ”

“I think you want kids,” Orion says. “That’s why it came so naturally to this conversation.”

“Maybe.” Nolan shrugs. “I can say that it’s not a deal-breaker one way or the other.” He looks at me with a smile that always makes my chest tight. “I’m happy with you, just like this.”

“But the place you grew up is where you want to live,” I say.

He hesitates before saying, “Not necessarily.”

My kids don’t comment, but I think we all know that he wants to. Eventually, at least. That’s okay. We can work on that. As he’s pointed out and as I’ve reminded myself, my kids are adults and eventually, they’ll have their own families.

“I look forward to seeing where you grew up,” I tell him.

“Are there empty houses?” Orion asks.

Nolan shakes his head. “Nope. But there are still a dozen empty lots, and he bought the adjacent land six years ago or something, so there’s a ton of property. My dad says Uncle Quin is going to end up buying the entire town’s vacant property before someone catches on.”

I smile. “Sounds like he wants to control who lives close by.”

He nods. “Yep. His…” He pauses and looks between us, eyebrows knit together.

It’s the first time he’s truly hesitated to tell me something.

“He has a polyamorous household. He and his five husbands. And my dads are five, too. He wanted somewhere safe for us to live and to raise kids without judgment, negativity, and possibly hostility.”

Since we’d already known he had multiple fathers, I’m confident that’s not the whole of it. I don’t push, though.

“Sounds like a great place to grow up,” I note.

“Definitely. I think that’s why I always thought I’d go back. Not everyone wants to return home after graduation. Settle down beside their parents. Be in a place where they’re surrounded by nosy, prying family. But I do.”

I look at my boys and imagine them always being close. Maybe we all feel the heavy weight of sentimentality in Nolan’s words.

“I’m not opposed to always being close, either,” Skye says. “I just had the chance to be out in the world—all the freedom and whatever—but I’d rather be here with Dad and you.”

Nolan smiles. “That’s what it feels like being in that neighborhood. I really can’t wait to show you. You’re going to love it.”

He holds Skye’s eyes for a minute. “I can’t wait, too,” Skye says softly.

It feels as if something might be happening right now. Something I maybe should want to put a stop to. But… I weirdly love the way Nolan and Skye are looking at each other. I love how Nolan wants to bring my boys home too and share the most important place and people with them.

It shouldn’t be an awkward feeling. I want Nolan and my boys to be close. I love this little family right here, and I want to be selfish enough to keep my kids as close as I can for as long as I can.

That’s not wrong. It’s not wrong to want that.

Nolan looks at me. I touch the pink splotches on his cheeks, which only makes them brighter. I’m right. Something is definitely happening here. Between Nolan and Skye. Just Nolan and Skye?

I don’t think so.

I have a feeling that lines are going to get crossed at some point, so I need to work out how I feel about that before it happens. Orion is a boulder, pushing his way in. An avalanche coming down on us. Loud and obvious, giving me just a short time to react, but the warning is there.

Maybe I should be worried that I don’t feel repulsed by it. I’m not upset by it at all. In fact, perhaps most alarmingly, I’m looking forward to it. The same excitement that twists in my stomach when I leave work to come home to Nolan dances now.

That’s not normal, right? I shouldn’t look forward to something happening between my man and my son/s. This should be concerning.

But I love my sons more than anyone else in the world. I don’t play obvious favorites, but my boys have always had a special place in my life. Our bonds have always been special.

Is that why I’m not bothered by this? Is that why I may want to share this most important thing with them?

That leads to more questions, though. It’s one thing thinking about it on a romantic level. I know for certain that there’s physical attraction between them. As Nolan warned me months ago, he’s slept with both of my boys.

Imagining them cuddling up on the couch is fine. Easy. Not at all alarming.

But thinking about them moving beyond that should sit uneasily with me. I press my lips against Nolan’s for a minute as I let my mind think about it. I need to think about it. I need to think about it soon. Now. This platonic familial atmosphere has already been shifting a little more every day.

If I were a betting man, I’d say something was going to happen before the end of term. With these odds and with me not feeling like I want to do anything to stop it, I consider that perhaps I should play the lottery. My odds are high on being right.

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Nolan asks as I let his mouth go.

“Family,” I tell him. “And what I’d do to keep them all happy, close, and with me.”

He tilts his head to the side, and I think that before there are lines crossed, Nolan and I need to have a conversation so he doesn’t feel like he’s struggling with his loyalty to me and his attraction toward them.

“What conclusion have you come to?”

“Anything,” I say, resting my forehead on his. “Anything at all. I’m looking forward to our future together.”

I don’t miss the way my boys exchange a look, wondering what I’m saying. Did they hear me include them in ‘ our ?’ I hope so. Maybe this is me desperately wanting to keep them close, so I’m considering sharing the love of my life with them, but in my chest, in my heart, I know that’s not the case.

Just as I knew Nolan was always supposed to be the man I spend my life with, the same feeling fills me. My boys were always supposed to be here with us. Nolan is the fulcrum. The center of our universe, keeping us close.

Yep, weird and maybe a little controversial, but I’m here for this. My perfect little family, right here.

Besides, I bet we can keep Nolan coming for days if we work together. I grin.