Page 28 of Project: FU (Longwood U #3)

NOLAN

“I am not agreeing with Kelsey, but is it really because you met someone that you’re getting divorced?” Hannah asks.

“No,” Rachel says before Tavis can answer. “We’ve been avoiding this conversation for years, honey. We should never have gotten married in the first place, but since we did, we should have divorced a decade ago.”

“At least a decade,” Tavis agrees.

Rachel nods. “But we didn’t want to disrupt your childhoods. And quite frankly, we suck at communication, so we put it off and put it off until one of us suddenly had a reason to begin an awkward discussion.”

Orion laughs under his breath, shaking his head.

“That’s what happens when two non-confrontational people get married,” Hannah muses.

“Exactly,” Tavis says.

“So… who is this woman? When do we get to meet her?” Orion asks.

“Are you going to be bringing her home?” Hannah asks.

“Better not,” Kelsey mutters.

“Kelsey,” Rachel warns.

“This isn’t about you!” Hannah yells at her sister as she slams her hand on the table, making Kelsey jump in surprise.

“Why are you so fucking selfish and self-centered that you can’t understand that this only involves our parents and their happiness?

Because you think you can fuck a football team while in a year-long relationship and it’s okay, but Dad meeting someone who makes him happy is a cardinal sin? ”

Kelsey’s face flushes. Silence settles around the table.

“The football team?” Tavis asks warily.

“No, you know what? I don’t want to know,” Rachel says.

Tavis nods, looking a little green. Yeah, I know how he feels.

“When do we get to meet her?” Orion asks again.

Tavis presses his lips together. He looks around the table, at Rachel, at me. He doesn’t know what to do. I can see him weighing his options. Rip the bandage off all at once? I can see the moment he decides to do so, and my gut twists. Oh fuck.

I hold my breath as he says, “You already know him.”

“Him?” Hannah asks, mouth open in shock.

“Yes.” He looks at me again and then at Rachel. She figures it out in that instant. Her eyes flicker to mine and back to his. She shakes her head, sitting back in the chair. Giving him the floor. Or the shovel to dig his grave. I’m not sure which. “I’ve been seeing Nolan for a couple months now.”

A beat passes. Unsurprisingly, it’s Kelsey who speaks first.

“What?!” she shrieks, jumping to her feet.

Her eyes are on me now. She’s spitting fire.

“Are you kidding me? You show up uninvited to humiliate me looking like that and—Oh my god, did he do that to you? You think it’s okay to seduce my father just because I messed up? Did you do it to hurt me in return?”

“No. That was me,” Orion mutters. I glance in his direction and wince at the look in his eyes.

“What the fuck!” Skye hisses and shoves away from the table. He disappears inside. The expression Orion gives me as he follows makes me sick.

Wow. I’m definitely the piece of shit here today.

“My brothers, too? What the fuck, Nolan? How am I such a villain when you?—”

Anger surges through me, and I lurch to my feet.

My chair falls back with my sudden movement, skidding and slamming on the wood deck.

“How can I ? Do you think I didn’t see the entire video?

The moment Freddy asks you about me, by name, and you say, ‘ Don’t worry about it.

He’ll never find out. He never finds out.

’ You think I missed how you invited the entire offensive line to a gang bang featuring you?

I still have the video, Kelsey. Should we watch it?

Yes, I was pissed. Yes, I wanted to hurt you because apparently, I meant nothing to you when you meant everything to me.

Yes, I fucked up because as much as I wanted you to hurt, I didn’t want to hurt anyone else in your family.

You may not realize it because your head is so far up your own damn ass, but you have an amazing family.

I didn’t want to hurt them and somehow, I was so blinded by my anger toward you that I really fucked up.

Not because I give a shit how you feel about it.

Trust me, I don’t. But I do care how they feel. ”

I’ve run out of steam as she blinks at me.

Tears in her eyes. They are only there because she can no longer pretend self-righteous indignation.

Yes, I’ve seen the video. Yes, I’ve heard her declaration that she’d cheated on me already and they’re just another notch on the bedpost. Yes, now I’ve exposed just what kind of person she is to her entire family. As if they hadn’t already known.

I turn my eyes to Rachel. “I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to cause any of you any strife.”

She’s not sure what to say. I know knee-jerk instinct is to say ‘ it’s okay ’ because that’s how we’re conditioned to respond from a young age. Every apology is supposed to be forgiven. That’s what makes you a good person.

I don’t believe that bullshit. An apology doesn’t take back the pain you caused someone. It doesn’t repair the damage you caused. Sometimes, an apology is simply not enough, and it doesn’t make everything okay.

“This might have been the wrong time,” Tavis says. He pushes back from the table, and I know he’s intending to go to his sons. I have so much I need to say to him. To clear up. But right now, I’ve hurt other people, and they need an apology before I get to his.

“Let me go,” I say. “Please. I need to apologize for treating them as if they’re disposable.” I glance at Kelsey with a pointed look. “I know how that feels, and I don’t want them to feel like that.”

Tavis nods. I’m relieved when he grips my hand for a second. My shoulders relax.

I head inside and toward the stairs, but pause when I pass the office on the first floor. I see a shadow and stop at the door. Skye is staring out the window.

While I don’t think I made a lot of noise, he turns and looks at me. I try to give him a smile as I step further inside and shut the door. I don’t care if everyone hears my apology, but I think he’d like some things to remain between us.

“I know this isn’t enough, but I’m sorry.”

He swallows. “Is that why you… with me, too? To get back at my sister?”

“Yes.” He inhales sharply and looks away.

“It wasn’t premeditated. I was hurt and upset and so fucking angry at how she just…

So I went to the club for no reason except maybe the loud music would drown out everything inside me.

You were there. I didn’t go looking for you.

I didn’t hunt you down. It was opportunistic.

But when it came time to throw it back in her face, I couldn’t do it. You deserve a better person than that.”

“You slept with my brother before or after me?”

“After. But again, it was opportunistic. I went to the library and found him there. I thought this time I’d tell him what was going on and why I was interested in hooking up.

He agreed. Needless to say, I didn’t feel any better.

I felt like shit all the same because I used two really good men who I genuinely like and admire, and I shouldn’t have. ”

“Then my dad,” he says.

“He wasn’t the same. I didn’t know your parents weren’t happily married. They put on a good act.”

He huffs, nodding.

“After Orion, I was disgusted with myself. I clung to my anger because I didn’t want to feel how badly I hurt. Logically, I know she doesn’t deserve the kind of hurt she caused me. The first few minutes of that video prove that we were not in the same place in our relationship.”

Skye nods. “It was hard to watch. And I didn’t get to the gang bang. I have no desire to see my sister that way.”

“I didn’t watch it all either. Of the thirty-eight minutes, I’ve watched seven. Those seven minutes not only tell me all I need to know about how she regards me, but also enough time to see her take three of them, not including the ones in her mouth. There were still thirty-one minutes left.”

“Ew. I don’t want to know.”

“Neither do I,” I gripe. “Anyway, I went to the bar and bitched about my life and how she made me feel and how I wanted to punish her. For like twenty minutes, I complained to the bartender. I hadn’t looked up as I stared at my drink, wallowing in my misery.

Also, I didn’t know Tavis worked at the bar.

I didn’t know he was anything other than a coach.

Even when I finally looked up, I wasn’t expecting him, so it wasn’t until he walked away to serve other customers that I finally realized that I was complaining about Kelsey to her own father. ”

Skye’s lips curl a little.

“Then… I don’t know. We talked about literally anything else. For the first time since that video, I wasn’t wallowing. He made me forget. As shitty as it sounds, I had a purpose when I approached you and Orion. I didn’t with Tavis.”

He turns back to the window. I have a feeling he wants to say something, but I also think he’s a lot like his parents. Non-confrontational.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I know that doesn’t make up for using you like that.”

Skye shakes his head. “No big deal,” he says quietly. “Everyone has regrets.”

I step closer to him and coax him to face me.

“You’re not a regret, Skye.” When he won’t meet my eyes, I gently cup the sides of his face, so he has to.

“You’re not a regret,” I repeat. “I haven’t once regretted being with you.

My regret is the reason. My lack of honesty.

For how it’s making you feel right now. Not being with you. Understand the difference?”

He takes a shaking breath. “Yeah. I… I think part of it is I feel stupid,” he murmurs, and I feel his cheeks heat under my palms. “I thought maybe you… might…” Redder and redder he gets. “Stupid. Of course you didn’t.”

“Under different circumstances, I’d be into you, Skye. Big time. You’d have me eating out of your hands.”

He rolls his eyes, but I don’t let him look away. “I mean it. You’re exactly the kind of guy I’m into.”

“Your range of guys you’re into must vary greatly. I’m nothing like my brother or father.”

“I’m about personality and vibes more than anything. I love this family. I’m not at all surprised that I’m attracted to multiple people in it because your parents raised some damn good humans. Mostly.”

He feels more relaxed now. A moment passes before I let his face go and take a step back. Skye shuffles on his feet. “So… you’re really seeing my dad? Like, actually dating?” I don’t miss the way his eyes linger on my lip, where Tavis’ bite mark is very obvious.

“I am.”

He doesn’t turn away quickly enough, so I don’t miss the disappointment on his face. “Does it bother you because I’m your age?”

Skye shakes his head.

“Because I dated his daughter first?”

More head shaking.

“Because you want me for yourself?” I tease. It was meant as a joke, but by the way his cheeks flush, that’s far closer to the truth.

Wow. I fucked up far more than I thought I did. Had I known he crushed on me or whatever, I wouldn’t have gone near him, no matter how much I wanted to hurt Kelsey in return for how she made me feel. I wouldn’t have messed with his feelings like that.

“I really fucked up, huh?” I muse, sighing.

“So few people get to be with their crushes,” he murmurs.

He meets my eyes and gives me a weak smile.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you and my dad are happy.

Individually and together. Clearly, I don’t know the details of the lie that is my parents’ marriage, which is probably better than knowing, but if he’s been unhappy in his relationship that long, I’m really glad he has a chance to change that.

And obviously, you deserve someone who actually respects and cares for you. ”

“Thanks. I know this might be asking a lot, but I hope we can be friends.”

“Friends with my new Daddy?” he asks, and I grin. Thank fuck he’s teasing me already. I feel a lot of hope in that.

“Yes. On the condition that you call me Daddy.”

Skye gives me a blushing smile.

“Will you go talk to your father now? He needs to know you’re not angry with him. I can’t tell you how much he’s dreaded this conversation because he didn’t want to lose you and your siblings over it.”

He frowns. “Why would he?”

“On paper—actually, even worse, when spoken out loud—this is hella fucked.”

I appreciate his laughter. “Yeah, okay. Fine.”

I grip his wrist as we move to the door together. “Where do you suppose I’ll find Orion?”

“Probably Dad’s room. Left at the top of the stairs. Last door on the right.”

“Thanks.”

I take the stairs two at a time until I’m at the top. The door is closed, so I tap on it gently.

“Yeah.”

Taking a breath, I push the door open and peek in. Orion is lying along the end of the bed with his arm over his eyes. I sigh. This one feels like it should be a little easier. He knew why I wanted to fuck. Yet, I almost feel like it’s going to be a more difficult conversation.

He shifts to meet my eyes. Since he doesn’t object, I step inside and shut the door behind me. I don’t get closer, but lean my back against it to watch him.

“Should I begin with the timeline of events or an apology?” I ask.

His lips twitch. “I don’t need either.”

“You do. I thought telling you what I was looking to accomplish in fucking you would keep my guilt away. But I think I might have still messed up more than what’s on the surface.”

“That’s why you never wanted to get together again. You’ve been seeing my dad.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re not a cheater.”

“Small green flags.”

Orion snorts.

“Just listen, okay?” He nods. I spend the next few minutes going through the same explanation I just did with Skye. How it happened. Why. Why Tavis is different than when I’d been with either of them.

I eventually stop when I find him lying there with an amused smile, though he hasn’t moved his arm from covering his eyes. “I’m glad you’re not screaming at me, but I’m curious to know why you’re smiling.”

“I just keep thinking how fucking good you are that you have me in crisis mode because I can’t stop thinking about the way you fucked me, and you also turned my dad gay within a week of me.”

My mouth opens. Oh. This right here is more than I think I’m equipped to handle. I pull my phone out and text Tavis. He’s going to need to be a part of this conversation. I’m all about supporting someone struggling with the question of their sexuality, but I’m not about outing someone else’s.