Page 13 of Project: FU (Longwood U #3)

TAVIS

Two things become clear over the next few days. One, I need to see Nolan again. Two, I think Skye is avoiding me. So, when I get him in the truck this afternoon, I decide we’re taking the long way home. The most important people in my life are my kids. I can’t let this weirdness stretch between us.

“Where are we going?” Skye asks as I take a right to take us away from home instead of toward it.

“I’m trapping you in the truck so you can stop avoiding me.”

He gives me a demure smile.

“Listen. You know that your mother and I…” For all the plans I had to talk about this, I didn’t exactly concentrate on the words I needed to say.

“I know,” he says quietly. “I helped you move into the spare room, remember?”

I sigh. “I do. I don’t want the burdens of your parents to weigh on you, but you need to know that…” That what? I’m wary to say that I’m always going to love Rachel. While it’s true, I have always felt like those are words that give children hope that their parents will work things out.

“Know what?” Skye prompts.

“I forget that you’re my son and not only my friend sometimes,” I muse.

I love the big smile he gives me.

“Look. I promise, though Mom and I are still actually married, we haven’t been together in a long, long time.”

“Longer than when you moved into the guest room?”

I nod. “Yeah. Longer than that.”

“Why are you still married, then?”

“Because I think neither of us wants to have a conversation. It means we’re going to have to talk about a lot of things we’ve never wanted to talk about, and neither of us is excited to do that. We’re so uninterested in it that we’d rather stay in this limbo than have the discussions.”

“Like money? Who gets custody of Hannah on what days?”

I chuckle. “No. Nothing like that at all.”

Skye nods. I know he’s trying to figure it out, but he is our son, and there are some things that maybe don’t need to be shared with your kids.

“You can tell me,” he says. “If you want to talk about it.”

I chew the inside of my lip. I’m not sure if I want to talk about it.

Maybe part of the reason we haven’t talked about it is because we don’t know how.

How do you talk about twenty-three years of shit we’ve just swept under the rug?

And the years before that… the moments that stole our childhood friendship and turned it into… this.

“Want to talk about the girl you spent the night with instead?” Skye asks, giving me a sly look.

Ah. Another thing I’ve never brought up. I sigh. “How about if I don’t tell you about the guy I spent the night with?”

Skye’s jaw drops as his eyes shoot wide. He’s so startled that I laugh. “Are you and Mom not working out because you’re secretly gay?” he asks, and I think there’s a little more excitement there than is warranted.

Even so, I laugh again. “No. Jesus, no, Skye. He’s not the first guy I’ve been with at all.”

Now he’s even more shocked. I chuckle to myself as he processes this information. “Wait, so is this like a lavender wedding? Is Mom your beard? Do Grandma and Grandpa not know you’re gay?”

“Fucking hell,” I sputter through more laughter.

“No. Not everything is so scandalous, boy. I’m bisexual, something I’ve known since my teen years.

Mom isn’t a beard, and we didn’t get married to hide my bisexuality.

As far as whether my parents know…” I consider it for a minute and shrug.

“I want to say they do, but it’s not something I’ve ever outright said. ”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, his voice quiet. “When I told you I was gay, why didn’t you at least tell me then?”

I grip his hand for a minute. “I don’t have a reason for not telling you. Maybe I should have. If I thought you’d struggled with your sexuality, I might have been more inclined to tell you for reassurance. But… I guess I felt it was irrelevant since I’m married to your mother.”

“It’s not. It’s still who you are.”

“It is.”

“Does Mom know?”

I grin. “She does.”

“Is she bi too?”

I chuckle. “I… Well, I don’t know. I don’t think so, but maybe.”

“I still think you should have told me,” Skye mutters.

“Maybe I should have. I’m sorry. But I’m telling you now.”

He looks at me, and I can feel his stare while I’m watching traffic. I can see him shift in his seat to study me in my peripheral vision. “You’re telling me because you hooked up with a guy the other night?”

“I don’t want to mislead you, and while I think the gender of my partner isn’t anyone’s business, I’ve always winced in situations where I let someone assume my partner’s gender, and it’s wrong.

It doesn’t so much have anything to do with him, but honesty with myself.

I’m not ashamed of being with a guy, and I guess part of me feels like I’d be letting someone assume wrongly because I’m ashamed. ”

Skye nods. “Am I supposed to keep this a secret?”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t put it in skywriting.”

He snorts. “Noted.”

“How about if we talk about it like you kids regard Rumor—it’s not something anyone talks about, but it’s not exactly a secret.”

“You know about Rumor?”

“The staff know quite a bit more than you might think we do.”

“And no one sees anything wrong with running a porn studio on campus?”

“It’s not my business.” I shrug.

Skye laughs. “Wow.”

“Let’s talk about you. What happened to the guy?”

His good humor melts away, and he sighs. “I haven’t seen him around. It’s really not that uncommon that I don’t see him for weeks at a time, but… it feels like it’s purposeful now, you know?”

“And you still don’t want to seek him out?”

“I feel stupid doing that.” He shakes his head. “Clingy. Like I’m the hookup who becomes obsessed.” Skye looks at me. “I’m not obsessed.”

“You just want a repeat.”

I glance his way in time to see him chew his bottom lip as he nods subtly. “Do you want a repeat of your hookup?”

I huff. “Yeah. I do. I shouldn’t, but I do.”

“Shouldn’t because you’re married?”

“Well, that’s one reason, I suppose.”

He laughs. “Obviously not the one bothering you.”

“What does that tell you about my morals?” I muse. “No, that’s not the reason. You said there was a reason you shouldn’t have been with the guy you were with, right?” Skye nods. “I have one of those reasons, too.”

“The same reason?”

“Considering you didn’t tell me what your reason is, I don’t know.”

“How about you tell me yours and I’ll tell you if it’s the same one?”

“Nice try.” I shove him lightly, and he laughs.

“It would be kind of funny if it was the same reason and the same guy,” Skye says, still laughing.

I consider this for a minute. Huh. At a stoplight, I look at Skye. I’m not sure if funny really emphasizes what it’d be, but honestly, it would be a little amusing.

And maybe raise a lot of questions. But since I don’t imagine Nolan as the kind of guy who goes around fucking his ex-girlfriend’s family, I write it off as something to laugh about.

“We okay?” I ask after a comfortable silence fills the cab for a minute.

“Yeah. Sorry. I guess I was upset that you forgot me.”

Ouch. I flinch. “I promise I didn’t forget you, Skye. I’d barely opened my eyes when you called. I swear to you, my alarm didn’t go off, or I would have made sure I was home.”

“I believe you.”

I look at him, taking a second longer than I should on the busy streets. “Yeah?”

He nods. “Yeah.” A smile touches his lips, and I look back at the road.

“I’m so, so sorry. I promise it won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay if you want to stay out all night. If you’ve been unhappy for a really long time, I think you deserve to find some happiness sometimes.”

“Thank you for your permission.”

Skye huffs a laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” I grip his hand again. “Thank you. I will make sure I communicate with you specifically if I end up staying out all night again. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding it, you and I had plans to ride to school together, and I didn’t tell you I wouldn’t be there. That’s shitty of me.”

“It was an accident.”

“It was,” I agree. “But it was shitty that I allowed it to happen at all. I never want to disappoint you kids and letting you down like that must have sucked. It won’t happen again.”

He nods.

I turn the truck toward home just as my phone rings. Kelsey’s name flashes across the screen in the cab. I hit the accept call button. “Hey, Princess.”

“Hi, Daddy. Did you already leave campus?”

“I did. What do you need?”

“I wanted to go home tonight. It’s okay. I can walk.”

I glance at Skye, and he rolls his eyes. With a smile, I say, “I can swing around and pick you up. Where are you?”

“I’ll be outside the dorm. Thanks, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome. We’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Skye shakes his head. “You spoil her.”

“I spoil all of you. Don’t pretend I wouldn’t turn around for you or your brother or little sister, too.”

He rolls his eyes again, but he’s smiling.

We drop the conversation about Nolan, the guy he hooked up with, and the fact I stayed out all night as we drive back to campus.

He spends the time telling me about the research paper he’s doing for his psych class.

I’m not sure if he’s actually interested in the subject or if maybe he’s just talking about it because it’s the reason he canceled our lunch plans the other day.

As soon as Kelsey climbs into the back, she immediately begins complaining about cheer, and then Nolan.

I listen as she bitches, specifically about Nolan.

He told me she cheated on him. He said so when he didn’t realize I was the one he was lamenting to, so I’m inclined to believe that he was telling me the truth.

Besides, everything in his body language said that he was upset. Hurt. As I listen to my daughter and catch glimpses of her in the rearview mirror, I don’t get the same kind of remorse. It’s distinctly missing.

Everything she says is regarding how she’s feeling. He won’t talk to her and let her explain. He was really mean in front of a lot of people who watched, and now they’re all blowing it out of proportion. His ‘ slutty side piece ’ hit her.

This one, I can still see the remnants of. Of course, I was furious when she came home bruised and bloodied, but Skye was also there, and he just shook his head.

I know my kids. Like most siblings, they will happily pick on each other relentlessly. But if someone wrongfully hurts their sibling, then they’re immediately on the defensive.

Skye’s disapproval was evident, but it wasn’t in defending Kelsey. It was in Kelsey. Which told me more than any words coming out of Kelsey’s mouth.

However, I’m clearly missing some detailed information here. From what I’ve gleaned of Skye’s reaction and Nolan’s claim, Kelsey cheated on him, and there have been some ramifications for Kelsey in regard to her actions.

I’m almost afraid to know exactly what she did to deserve to be hit. Skye’s body language says she deserved it. The lack of sympathy coming from my gentle-souled child speaks volumes. And not in a good way, either.

I listen to Kelsey complain for the entire ride home, nodding when necessary, but otherwise, I let her have her stage. When I pull into our driveway, she leans forward and kisses my cheeks. “Thanks for picking me up, Daddy. I’m glad to be home tonight.” Then she bounds out of the truck.

Skye and I watch her skip to the front door, her curly hair bouncing behind her.

“You know,” Skye says, “there are days like today when I don’t think she even realizes how self-centered she is.”

“What do you know about the circumstances around her being punched?”

His frown deepens. “I don’t say this lightly, but I think she deserves more than that. What she did was just… despicable. Nolan didn’t deserve that treatment.”

Well, color me intrigued. “He didn’t hit her, did he?”

Skye gives me a dubious look before shoving his door open. “Of course, not. Can you imagine Nolan hitting her? He loved Kelsey. He’d never lay a hand on her.”

He shuts the door, and I watch him follow his sister into the house. Skye’s right. Every single visit Nolan made to our house over the summer, I admired how much he adored my daughter. His love for Kelsey was clear for anyone to see.

I’m guessing I really don’t want to know the depths of Kelsey’s…

betrayal? I feel like that word belongs in Shakespearean tragedies more than modern life, and yet I’m not sure what other word to use.

What I do know is that Skye isn’t defending his sibling, and that’s unusual for my kids.

In fact, he almost condones the attack on his sister. Which is slightly frightening to me.

Frowning, I follow my kids inside. I must have missed Orion’s truck outside, but I can hear all four kids laughing in the kitchen.

Probably in there with their mother. I stand just inside the front door and smile.

I close my eyes to listen to them. I can’t hear their words.

Only their ensuing laughter punctuates their quiet murmurs.

I miss this. I wonder if I’d be more content to keep my life in this static status quo if my kids were here every day. If I had them to come home to, would I be content with this life forever?

A vision of Nolan has me sighing. No, I don’t think I would be. I just had a taste of something that sets my entire body on fire. Someone who makes me smile and laugh and… feel good. Someone whom I haven’t stopped thinking of since he sat at the bar.

Wrong or right, I need to see him again.