Page 19 of Primal Urges (Bikers of Mayhem #1)

“That night, after I gave you that hand job, you just ran off. Which, by the way, made me feel real fucking good about myself. Then you proceeded to ignore me for the next two weeks! Jesus, Cade. I get that you’re straight and that it freaked you out being with a dude, but I figured I at least deserved an explanation.

A quick, ‘Sorry, Luc, but fooling around with dudes is not my thing.’ That was all you needed to do.

At least that way, I wouldn’t have spent the last two weeks feeling like the biggest asshole in the world hitting on a straight dude. ”

Hearing the pain in Lucas’s voice cut deep. He hadn’t realized just how vulnerable Lucas had been and how much his actions had hurt him.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. I did freak out.

When I came, I wasn’t sure how I felt. Part of me really enjoyed what we had just done, and another part of me wondered what it all meant.

I wasn’t ready to have those conversations with you, so I panicked.

The only thing I could think of was to run.

Get out of there as fast as I could until I could figure out what it all meant.

So, you’re right. I handled that poorly, and for that, I’m truly sorry. ”

Warm, sympathetic eyes stared back at Caden. He didn’t seem like he wanted to kill Caden anymore, so that had to be a good thing.

Lucas stepped forward, still holding the mop in his hand.

“Look, I get that what we did was confusing, but you also have to realize that that was the first time I had been with a man… since my ex.”

Understanding washed over Caden. That night had also been confusing as hell for Lucas. He had also been battling with his own emotions and demons, struggling to make sense of it all. Lucas simply managed to handle it all a lot better than Caden did.

“Next time, just talk to me like an adult.” Lucas’s voice was both tired and frustrated.

“Fair enough.” He wondered if there would ever be a next time.

He still hadn’t processed what all of these new feelings actually meant. He wished that he were able to talk to someone, but he really couldn’t. Not unless he wanted to risk outing himself to the entire crew. That was if he ended up being bi or one of the other letters in that queer rainbow.

Caden looked around the room. There were cleaning products and garbage bags everywhere. “So, do you want to tell me what it is that you are doing here?”

Lucas looked around the room as well. “Marcus agreed to give me a few extra shifts a week to do a deep clean of this place. It gives me a few extra bucks in pay and makes this place look less… depressing biker bar in the end.”

Caden hopped to his feet and rolled up his sleeves. “Okay, put me to work.”

“Sorry, can’t do. I need to do this work on my own. If Marcus suspects that I am getting someone to help me, I won’t get paid the same, or he’ll cancel my extra shifts. Thanks for the offer though.”

“In that case.” Caden looped around the bar and pulled a bottle of vodka and a few mixers off the shelves, grinning. “I’m going to make myself a drink. Want one?”

Lucas looked over at where Cade was busy pouring liquids into a shaker.

“I don’t think the boss will be happy with you drinking all his booze.”

“I’m not,” Caden said, dropping a twenty into the register before finishing mixing his drink. “Did I ever tell you that I’ve always wanted to be a bartender? I’ve always loved mixing drinks.”

He set out two glasses and then proceeded to pour the liquid from the shaker into them.

“Normally, I’d add a few garnishes to make the glass look all pretty and shit, but everything is all cleaned and locked up for the night. Here, try this.”

Caden passed Lucas his red concoction and watched as Lucas cautiously brought the glass to his lips and took a sip.

“Mmm! That’s really good!” Lucas praised, lifting his glass and staring at the liquid. “It almost tastes watermelon-y.”

“Good guess. I’m still working on perfecting the drink, but when it’s all done, you can help me name it.”

Lucas smiled.

“Have you ever thought about asking Marcus if you can bartend for him? Even if it’s just for a few nights of the week,” Lucas asked, taking another sip from his drink.

Caden blushed. That was the big question he had always been too afraid to ask.

What if the man said no? Was he even good enough to bartend?

“Nah. I’m not good enough to do this for a living. Plus, with arms like these,” Caden flexed his biceps, “I make the perfect bouncer.”

Always just a piece of meat and nothing more than hired muscle.

While it may have come across as a joke, secretly, Caden hated himself. If he didn’t feel that he was worthy enough to be more than Marcus’s hired muscle, why would he expect others to think differently?

Pushing that thought from his mind, he glanced back up at Lucas.

“Okay, you get back to cleaning, and I’ll just sit here enjoying my drink.” Caden gave him a wink as he plopped his meaty ass down on a barstool.

He would hang out and keep the boy company for the night, hoping to get back into his good graces.

He really enjoyed hanging out with Lucas at the diner and then again after for their little movie night.

He felt horrible about the way he had reacted and hoped to somehow find his way back into Lucas’s trusted circle.

Slowly, over time, he would eventually earn his way back.

For now, he would sip his drink and watch a cheerful Lucas as he wiped down furniture and mopped up the floor.

It wasn’t long before Lucas returned to his one-man Broadway performance, belting out another Broadway tune he had never heard of. It sounded nice and cheery.

There was so much life in the boy once he let himself relax and lower his walls. His true self was starting to show.

If this was what Lucas looked like, always smiling, always singing, Caden never wanted to see another frown on the boy’s face again.