Page 15 of Primal Urges (Bikers of Mayhem #1)

CADEN

B y the time they finished their meal, it was just after eleven thirty at night. Leaving the diner, Caden distracted Lucas by asking him more about his love of theater and what made him want to perform live on stage.

“I swear, there is something magical about bringing a song to life and watching all those around you get transported by your voice. Seeing a young child’s face light up at their favorite song or seeing an adult wipe away a tear as they are consumed with emotion is one of the greatest feelings in the world. ”

“Well, I don’t really know much about musicals or Broadway shows, so I can’t exactly say I understand what you are sayin’, but I could see being lost in your voice.”

Lucas’s smile dropped from his face.

Why did he make that last comment? He had been thinking about how cute and sweet Lucas’s voice was when he got all animated talking about something that he was so passionate about, and then he went and made it all weird.

It was at that moment that Lucas finally realized that Caden was walking him home.

“Oh, um, so I should probably let you get back to your place anyway. I don’t live much further from here.” His voice was high-pitched and riddled with nerves.

“It’s alright, Mr. Romance. It’s dark and late, and I’d feel more comfortable making sure that you get home safe.”

“No, no. It’s fine. You don’t have to…” Lucas began but stopped when Caden shook his head.

“Trust me; I only want to make sure that you get home safe. I won’t invite myself in or keep you from getting your beauty rest or anything.”

He watched as Lucas fought back a smile and shook his head in disbelief.

“ Fine , this way,” he said reluctantly. It was about time that Lucas realized he could be a stubborn bull when he wanted to be.

They continued on for another ten minutes before they came to Old Man Benson’s farm. It had been a while since Caden set foot on the crazy old man’s property. Not since he was in his late teens and trying to find a secluded place to have a few drinks with his friends.

Caden, of course, was not including the night he followed Luc home. That night never existed.

“So, you’re renting a room from Old Man Benson?” Caden asked, staring at the primary property, not wanting to let on that he knew the truth about Lucas’s living situation.

“Not exactly,” Lucas said, turning to his right and continuing to walk toward the large, brown-and-red barn nestled behind the property. “Mr. Benson had the barn converted into a loft a few years ago. I rent that space from him.”

Lucas pulled open the big barn doors and took a step to the side. “After you.” He motioned for Caden to enter.

A moment later, the barn came to life when Lucas flipped on the lights.

“It’s not much, but it’s home until I can save up and afford a better place.”

Standing inside the barn, the place didn’t look half as bad as it had when he had been peeking in through the window the previous night.

Lucas had set up some twinkle lights along the windows and ladder leading up to the loft. Their light brought a sort of comfy feeling to the space.

On the main level were all the usual tools and machinery one might expect to find in a barn: pitchforks, shovels, a muck tub, and even feed buckets and hay nets. All of these items were neatly stored off to one side of the barn to provide Lucas with as much living space as possible.

Thankfully, the place didn’t smell like horses or farm animals. Caden guessed that it had been quite a while since Old Man Benson used the barn for such a purpose.

“Do you want to stay for a beer? I could throw on a movie or something?”

Caden was surprised to be invited in. Perhaps the boy was beginning to warm up to him after all.

He smiled.

“Sure. That would be great.”

Lucas grabbed two beers from the fridge and then led them up the ladder to the loft above.

The loft was small and simple. There was a tiny table for sitting and eating breakfast, a dresser with a mirror mounted on the wall, and a mattress resting on a handmade wooden frame, clearly crafted by the landlord himself.

Caden glanced around the room.

There was no television or a couch to sit on to watch the movie.

“Where are we…?” Caden began before noticing Lucas sitting on his bed, opening his laptop.

Taking a sip of his beer, he walked around to the other side of the bed, then paused as he tried to calculate the best way of positioning himself so that they could both fit on the tiny bed.

Tilting his head to the right and then the left, Cade tried to imagine the position of their legs and arms, possibly even their heads… if he just ?

“You going to stand there all night admiring my bedspread? Or are you going to join me here on the bed?” Lucas asked, glancing up from his laptop. “If you’re afraid of touching me, I can pull up one of the chairs from the table.” Lucas nodded toward the small table to their right.

Why was he hesitating? What did he care if Lucas’s arm brushed up against his?

“No. No. I was just trying to figure out how you do doggy style in this miniaturized bed.” He decided to go with humor to disguise his awkwardness.

“Easy. Me on the bed on all fours, with the guy standing right where you are.”

Caden’s cheeks flushed as Lucas gave him a wink. The boy had a funny sense of humor when he relaxed and let his guard down.

He could do this. Lie skin-to-skin next to the one guy who seemed to make his dick hard for no apparent reason.

He was a bull. A tough, thirty-two-year-old biker dude who fucked loads of hot chicks and was secure in his manhood.

He had this.

Flopping down onto the bed, Caden relaxed and decided to just go with it.

“You know, sometimes you act all shy and nervous, then smutty stuff like that falls from your mouth,” Caden teased.

“Oh, sorry. I used to be fun and flirty in another life.” Lucas’s voice was back to being soft and timid. “Sometimes my personalities get crossed accidentally.”

Caden hated hearing the way Lucas spoke about himself. Clearly, he was struggling with being true to who he was while coping with the person this trauma had made him into.

People say our personalities are shaped by our environments and circumstances. Cade could see how a traumatic experience might make Lucas more guarded and cautious. He hoped that, over time, Lucas would learn to trust again and allow his true self to shine through once more.

Without thinking, Caden swung his leg over Lucas’s body, then pulled the little shit up against himself. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right.

Holding Lucas firmly against his chest, Caden nestled his chin between Lucas’s neck and shoulder and breathed him in.

“Never apologize for being who you are. You are sweet and funny and smell like apricots and vanilla.” Caden chuckled. “The only thing you need to apologize for is giving a straight man a boner when you flirt with him.”

Lucas let out an unrestrained laugh. “Now who’s being all smutty?”

Caden chuckled. He loved seeing this side of Lucas—all relaxed and cheery. Listening to him laugh warmed his heart. Holding him close to his chest… well, that didn’t feel too bad either.

Originally, he wanted to cuddle Lucas to make him feel safe and special, but holding him close now… he was kind of enjoying it.

Nestling up against Caden’s body, Lucas opened a file on his laptop containing movies and began scrolling through them.

“So, which one do you feel like watching?”

Honestly, he really didn’t care. So long as he could continue to hold Lucas in his arms, they could watch paint dry for all he cared.

Once they finally decided on a movie, Lucas pressed play and linked his finger with Caden’s across his stomach.

“Hey, Cade?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for being so cool and holding me like this tonight. I know that you’re straight, and it must be awkward as hell sitting here like this for you. But I really miss being held by a man and feeling safe like this. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to you, the gesture means a lot to me.”

Feeling his heart swell, Caden tightened his arms around the body of his new buddy.

“Anytime, dude. Don’t tell the other guys, but sometimes, I miss cuddling too.” He leaned forward and gently kissed the top of Lucas’s head.

He felt Lucas’s body tense for a moment before it relaxed once again into his own.

He had no idea why he kissed the top of his head. It just felt like a natural response to what they were doing. He hoped that it didn’t make things awkward between them.

Seriously. What was happening to him? He’d never had feelings like these toward another dude before. Why now? Why Lucas?

The movie began to play, and within minutes, they had both forgotten about the awkward kiss and became lost in the comedy of the movie they were watching.

Sometime after midnight, Caden felt his lids become heavy, and his body drift off to sleep.