Page 44 of Pretty When It Burns (When The Lights Go Down #1)

Chapter forty-one

"Bleed" - The Kid Laroi

Mia

The couch at Makenna’s house is way too white.

Everything is perfectly styled—neutral tones, throw pillows for a pop of color, scented candles that actually match what season it is. It’s like living inside a Pinterest board. I didn’t expect anything less.

I haven’t even taken my shoes off. I don’t dare pour myself a glass of wine. I don’t want to mess anything up more than I already have by simply existing in the overly clean space.

Makenna is out at a partner’s dinner for her firm tonight, but had said to make myself at home—as much as I can in her museum-like living room.

Macy had offered to come over, but I had told her I’d be okay for one night without a babysitter.

They’d barely left me alone since they found out Grayson had left, and I needed a minute to fall apart without an audience.

I semi-settle onto the couch and pull a throw blanket over my legs.

My phone sits next to me, screen dark. Besides the nearly obsessive calls from my sisters and Rylee, the only other person I’ve heard from since I left is Jake.

I hadn’t answered, but according to his voicemail, he’d called to tell me that it’s official—Catastrophically Charismatic is going to be signed by a major label.

There’s a show to announce the signing in Austin in a few days, and there will be a plane ticket waiting for me at the airport of my choice.

All I have to do is call and tell him which one.

I don’t know what to do with that. It’s nice of Jake to invite me, but he isn’t the person I want the invitation from.

I stare at the ceiling, then at my phone, then at the bottle of wine on the bar cart. I still don’t move.

After a few more minutes of silence, I pull up the keypad and dial the number I’ve known by heart since I got my first phone.

She answers on the third ring.

“Mia?”

“Hey, Mom.”

Her voice shifts, warmer now. “Hi, darling. Is everything okay?”

“No,” I say honestly. “Not really.”

I hear the soft rustle of fabric, like she’s sitting down, bracing for impact.

“Did you go to Angela Harris’ funeral?”

She’s quiet for a second too long. “I did.”

My stomach twists. It isn’t that far-fetched to think she would’ve gone. She’d known Angela longer than my sisters and I have been alive.

“You didn’t tell me you were going.”

“I wasn’t sure I would until the day of,” she admits. “But I thought… if you were there, I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“He told me not to come,” I tell her. “That’s why I wasn’t there. He didn’t want me there.”

Another pause. A slow exhale. “Oh, Mia.”

“I should’ve known better. Should’ve fought my feelings harder. Given him more time to get over his divorce. I had no business inserting myself into his life the way I did.”

“Mia,” she says with that edge only a mother’s voice can have. “Stop it. You didn’t insert yourself into anything. He was the one who came to get you in Dallas. He was the one who asked you to start touring with him. All you did was love him, darling. You can’t fault yourself for that.”

“But maybe I loved him too much,” I murmur. “Maybe I made him my whole world when I wasn’t his.”

“No,” she says, gently now. “You made room for him in your world. There’s a difference.”

I blink hard, my throat tightening.

“You didn’t chase him, Mia. You showed up. Again and again. Even when it was hard. Even when it cost you something. You didn’t have to see him through all those shows he couldn’t make it through. But you did it because you loved him.”

“Then why did he let me go like I was nothing?” I cry. “Like it didn’t even hurt?”

“Grief doesn’t make people rational, darling. It makes them shut down—makes them push people away before they can be the ones who leave.”

“I told him I wasn’t going anywhere, Mom,” I say. “I told him so many times.”

“And he didn’t believe you,” she says. “Not because of anything you did. Somewhere deep inside, he still doesn’t believe anyone will stay.”

My hand covers my mouth to quiet my sobs as fresh tears spill down my cheeks.

“You gave him something he didn’t know he was allowed to have. You gave him unconditional love. When people like Grayson feel that kind of love… it scares the hell out of them. I could see it all over his face at the funeral.”

I swallow hard. “What do I do now?”

“You breathe,” she says. “If he finds his way back to you, you’ll know if it’s worth letting him back in. But it’s your choice, Mia. Not his. Not mine. Not anyone else’s but yours.”

I exhale shakily. “I’m so tired, Mom. I didn’t sign up for this.”

“I know, baby. But sometimes love is a whole lot of things you didn’t sign up for. The good news is, most of the time, there’s a whole lot of good that comes out of it, too.”

There’s another long bout of silence between us. It isn’t heavy this time—just full of understanding.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you more, my beautiful girl.”

I end the call, setting the phone down beside me and wiping the remaining tears from my cheeks. My thoughts are still too loud, but the ache in my chest isn’t as sharp anymore.

Just as I’m thinking I’m ready to figure out what comes next—because apparently the universe isn’t done with me yet—my phone lights up again.

Incoming Call: Johanna Harris

There’s a part of me that wants to let it go to voicemail, wants to decide it doesn’t matter what she’s calling to tell me because I’m done with putting everyone else before myself. If they need something, they’re just going to have to get on without me.

But there’s another part of me that needs to hear what she has to say—and that’s the part of me who answers the call.

“Johanna?”

“Hey.”

She doesn’t sound like herself. Her voice is quiet—not cold, just… cautious. Like she hadn’t been sure if I’d actually pick up, or what I’d say if I did.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, already bracing myself for more bad news.

“Depends on your definition of okay.”

I let out a breath and sink further into the couch. My throat begins to tighten. I don’t want to imagine what’s happened that’s caused someone to finally pick up the phone.

“The band’s record deal is finalized,” Johanna said once she realized I wasn’t going to respond.

“I heard. Jake called—left it on my voicemail.”

There’s a pause.

“There’s a show in Austin in a few days to close out the tour and announce the deal officially. It’s a whole thing—massive venue, a ton of industry people.”

So far, nothing I haven’t already heard, and nothing that makes me want to change my mind.

“Mia,” she continues. “This isn’t just about the label. Or the band. Or even Grayson. This is about you. You helped build this. We all know he wouldn’t have gotten this far without you. Please come celebrate with us.”

My chest aches, the flames in my throat far from extinguished.

“He said he needed space, Johanna. He was horrible to me that night. I’m not going to haul my ass to Austin just to be told he doesn’t want me there.”

“He’s a fucking mess, Mia,” she says. “He wants you there more than anything. He’s just too damn proud and broken to say it himself. I couldn’t watch it anymore—I had to call you.”

I close my eyes and try to imagine that what she’s saying is true. Is he really hurting the same way I am?

“I know he was a dick to you. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that you coming to this show is going to fix everything. But I know one thing—he’s never stopped loving you. He’s not okay, and it’s not just because our mom died. It’s because our mom died and you’re not here.”

I swallow hard. “I never stopped loving him either.”

Another pause fills the space as we allow the truth to sink in between us.

“Where are you?”

“At Makenna’s—in Boston.”

“I’m going to tell Jake to put a ticket on hold to get you to Austin,” she tells me. “Use it. Or don’t. I can’t make the decision for you. But if you’re even thinking about seeing my brother again, let it be now. Don’t let what happened in Miami be the last thing you say to each other.”

I bite my lip, a tear slipping free before I can stop it. Something deep inside has already shifted, and I know she has a point.

“I’ll think about it,” I say quietly, not wanting to make too many promises.

Johanna exhales, like that alone is more than she expected.

“If it means anything, I want you there. The guys do. Rylee does. I hope you’ll get on the plane.”

She doesn’t say goodbye. She just hangs up, leaving the silence lingering in the air once again.