Page 22 of Pretty When It Burns (When The Lights Go Down #1)

Chapter nineteen

"Hesitate" - Steve Moakler

Mia

The article about Grayson, Johanna, and their mother has had me in a rage since it came out the night before, and it infuriates me how tactless they are.

Even more so, in addition to the sneaky photo of Gray and Johanna in the hallway, they had the audacity to use pictures I’d taken from previous shows.

Grayson has never been in the limelight like this before, and the success from the pop-up show has definitely increased their media attention in a way none of us could’ve imagined.

I’ve never been one to get invested in the tabloids and the lives of celebrities, even though a little bit of that is in my job description.

The extent of my celebrity gossip knowledge is gained by glancing at the magazines in the check out aisle at the grocery store.

I’m not completely naive—I know the people behind the gossip columns can be ruthless.

I just never imagined that the subject of one of their articles would be someone I care about so deeply.

As someone who usually has a relatively easy time reading people, it frustrates the hell out of me how this particular aspect of Grayson continues to elude me.

After arriving in New York the night before, I can tell his internal debate on whether or not to go see his mother is continuing to eat him alive, but there’s nothing I can do or say to make the decision easier on him.

This is something he needs to decide all on his own, and I can’t tell which way he’s leaning.

I sit on the couch in the band’s dressing room for a rare moment of solitude.

I brought my laptop so I can work on editing some of the photos from the festival in San Francisco.

The guys are finishing up their soundcheck at the new venue, and Rylee has gone to watch and see if they can snag a few new interview subjects.

If I had to guess, Johanna is off somewhere pretending she’s not watching Brandon, and I stifle a laugh thinking about it.

While I love watching the guys play, I had been searching for some time alone to process the news article and the aftermath of its release.

“There’s my girl,” Grayson says, coming through the door. I’m so lost in my photos, I hadn’t heard the music from the stage come to a stop. “Everything okay?”

I look up at him and close my laptop. His hair and face glistens with the sweat of being under the hot lights of the stage and his cheeks are tinted a bright pink.

“Of course,” I smile, loving the way he puts everything he has into every performance, even if it’s just a soundcheck.

“I’m glad I have you alone for a minute,” he says, pressing a kiss to my lips once he sits down beside me. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

I reposition myself so I can face him directly, wondering how serious this conversation is going to be.

“I’ve decided I want to go to Maine to see my mother,” Grayson announces.

I feel the tension release in my shoulders, and hug him tightly.

I knew I couldn’t push him in the direction of wanting to see her, and I’m so glad he’d made the decision on his own.

I’m not exactly excited to go back to our hometown for my own reasons, but if it means helping Grayson heal, I’m all for it.

“I’m so glad you’re going,” I tell him against his shoulder. “I think you’re making the right choice.”

“I hope so,” he admits. “I don’t want what they wrote in that article to be true.”

“It’s not,” I say forcefully, pulling away to grasp both of his arms and look at him head on.

“That article isn’t true regardless of if you go or not.

You can’t base a huge decision off of wanting to prove somebody wrong.

You need to go because you want to, and because it will help you move forward. ”

I don’t mean to share so much, but it’s what he needs to hear. I won’t let him go all that way just to prove a point.

“You’re right,” he assures me. “I’m not going to prove anything, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t help put some things into perspective. I do want to go because that article isn’t who I am, but I do want to move forward, too.”

“Good,” I say, releasing my grip on him and placing my hand on his chest as I press a kiss to his lips. “It’s all going to be okay, you’ll see.”

“Will you go with me?” he asks delicately, as if he thinks I might say no. “You keep me grounded, Mia. I don’t know if I can face her without knowing I have you close by. I don’t want to do this alone.”

His words nearly melt me.

“You won’t have to do it alone, baby,” I murmur. “I promise.”

I haven’t been home since I finished college and moved to Dallas, but I still recognize all of the roads in the small town and don’t need the GPS on my phone to get around.

I now sit in the rental car that we had picked up in New York in front of my mother’s house, the house that my sisters and I had grown up in.

I called her the night before to let her know that I was coming, but I didn't tell her about Grayson or that the reason we came home was so he could visit his own mother.

I had wanted to go with Grayson, but he told me that this was something he felt he needed to do by himself first. I understood the feeling.

Making the trek up to my mother’s front door, I feel my heart rate pick up. I know what my mother’s reaction will be, so the thought of telling her about what’s transpired between Grayson and me and how we’d gotten to this point makes me a little nauseated.

“Mia, darling,” my mother exclaims upon answering the door that I had finally managed to knock on. “What a nice surprise!”

Hugging her tall frame, I notice that very little has changed about her since the last time I’d seen her.

Her long hair has grayed a little with the years, but her sharp eyes that favor my own remain the same.

Of the three daughters, my sisters inherited more of our mother’s personality, but I’m the one that looks the most like her.

Because we don’t always see eye to eye like she does with my sisters, the last thing I want is to disappoint her, and I feel like I won’t leave with the same loving attitude.

We step inside the house and everything seems exactly how I remembered it. Pictures of me and my sisters at various stages of life line the walls and mantels, and the house—as it always had—smells of my mother’s fabulous cooking.

“So,” my mother starts, settling into the couch in the living room. “Are you going to tell me what brings you all the way home?”

She’s nothing if not direct.

“I’m here with Grayson Harris,” I admit to her. “We’ve been seeing each other.”

I would hate for Grayson to see me right now; the last thing that I would want him thinking is that I’m ashamed of him.

“Grayson Harris…” she muses, trying to pull the memory of him. “Not the boy who lived across the street that you used to stare at from our porch? Angela Harris’ son?”

I fight the urge to put my ever reddening face in a throw pillow. I wish she remembered anything else about him besides the fact that I was completely obsessed with him.

“Yes, Mom,” I sigh. “That would be the one.”

“How on earth did that happen?” she asks, and I can tell she’s stifling a laugh. “Isn’t he living in Los Angeles, trying to be a musician?”

“His band is actually incredibly successful, and we actually ran into each other because of my job,” I say, somewhat defensively, before explaining the rest of the story.

I conveniently leave out that Grayson had still been married when I first reconnected with him.

“I don’t understand where all of this risk taking and boy chasing is coming from,” my mother counters with exasperation.

“You’ve always been very independent. Now this boy just shows back up in your life, decides he wants you, and you’re just going to throw your life away to, what, chase him across the country while he does his music? ”

I blink at her, taking in what she’s saying. I didn’t expect her response to be anything different, but it still strikes me. I could let it roll off my shoulders, but her opinion does matter to me.

“I don’t know what I can say to convince you that I know what I’m doing,” I sigh, looking up at the ceiling.

“I don’t see it as throwing my life away.

In fact, covering Catastrophically Charismatic as they prepare to sign their first major record deal is actually helping my career.

You’re right, yes, I’ve always been careful, independent.

But honestly, what I really wanted was for someone to come and sweep me off my feet, show me a different life, and Grayson did that.

Just because you didn’t want to spread your wings after Dad left doesn’t mean I can’t want that for myself. ”

I watch her face pinch at the mention of my father. We don’t talk about him much, and my sisters and I know it’s not the button to push unless we want to trigger a Code Red situation.

“Mia, I…” my mother begins. “I just don’t want you to be blindsided like I was. I do want you to be happy. If this is really what you think will make you happy, then I can… I can try to accept it.”

“He was married when we reconnected, Mom,” I blurt. “He didn’t leave his wife to be with me, but I would be lying if I said that seeing me again didn’t help move the process along.”

My admission that I’ve been dreading since before I walked in the door doesn’t seem to shock her much. My mother looks past me through the windows that have a clear view to Grayson’s house and once I see why, I know that she hasn’t heard a thing I said.

“Is that Angela?” my mother says, rising from her spot on the couch. “My God, that’s Angela!”