Page 10 of Pretty When It Burns (When The Lights Go Down #1)

Chapter eight

"Addicted" - Loveless

Grayson

I’m such a fucking idiot.

Kissing Mia Alexander was absolutely not part of the plan. Not that I really have a plan. But if I did have one, that kiss would not have been part of it.

Everything Mia said after the kiss was completely accurate. How, in a matter of days, has my life managed to become this fucked up?

Shortly after Mia leaves my room, Eric walks in unannounced, interrupting my inner monologue, the door slamming against the wall as he enters.

He looks concerned about something. I don’t see that from him very often.

I sit up from my reclined position on my bed and brace myself for whatever he has to say.

“You need to come downstairs,” Eric blurts.

“Lily’s here, so you need to wipe that guilty-ass look off your face and get your shit together.

Tony and Brandon are keeping her occupied so she doesn’t start wandering around looking for you and accidentally find Mia instead.

That being said, get your ass downstairs. ”

Oh, fuck.

So, not only is Lily here, but apparently, somehow, Eric knows what had transpired between me and Mia.

Not to mention that the minute I walk downstairs and see Lily, she’ll know something is up, I’ll have to talk about it, and then the fighting I’ve been trying to keep away from everyone will start.

This is the absolute last thing I need.

“Why is she here?” I ask dumbly.

“Dude, I have no idea. She’s your wife. Or ex-wife. Or whatever she is now. Obviously she’s back from tour and wanted to see you.”

“Doesn’t anyone know how to use a goddamn phone anymore?” I snap, pushing myself off the bed, past Eric, and towards the stairs.

Eric follows quickly behind me as I approach the living room. Sure enough, Brandon and Tony sit on the couch talking with Lily.

“Hey, Lil,” I say nervously. “What are you doing here?”

Her brown eyes catch mine as she turns away from the guys to face me, her golden curls shimmering in the sunlight coming through the window. Seeing her for the first time in so long on something other than a pixelated FaceTime call almost makes me forget why we’re doing this in the first place.

“I thought it was about time we fought in person,” she smirks.

“Oh, look!” I hear Rylee exclaim from behind me. “Lily’s home—wow! Isn’t that great?”

“Rylee!” Lily smiles, embracing Rylee in a hug. “It’s been forever! When did you get here?”

“Just a few days ago,” she mumbles into Lily’s shoulder. “Wasn’t really planned—we just happened to run into B at a show.”

“We?” Lily begins, releasing Rylee and looking past her shoulder to look directly at Mia.

There she stands at the bottom of the stairs, looking like a goddamn vision, and I can feel the tension thicken in the air. In her eyes, Mia looks shocked, but nothing else gives her away.

Jesus fucking Christ.

“And you are?” Lily asks. “It’s too late in the day for you to be one of Tony’s conquests. So who do you belong to?”

“Mia Alexander,” she says, clearly taken aback. “I’m a friend of Rylee’s, and a concert photographer. Just here on assignment and the guys were nice enough to let us stay with them.”

Mia looks my way for half a second, not long enough for anyone else to notice. I remain indifferent in order to not give myself away as I wait for Lily’s response along with everyone else in the room.

“Nice enough, huh?” Lily says, turning to face me with a raised eyebrow and a whole lot of venom in her eyes. “Got it.”

“So, uh.” Brandon clears his throat. “Does anyone want to go for waffles?”

“Fantastic idea, Brandon!” Eric exclaims immediately.

“Why…?” Johanna begins, clearly confused.

“Not one more word!” Tony interrupts, pushing her out of the living room and towards the garage. “We’re going to get waffles and no one gets to protest about it.”

Rylee, Mia, Eric, and Brandon follow promptly behind them, leaving Lily and me all alone. I’m searching my brain for something, anything, to say to her, but nothing is happening.

I don’t want to fight with her anymore.

I just want to move on.

“Well, aren’t we going to talk about this?” she asks almost innocently, like we’re about to decide between pizza versus Thai food for dinner and like the little show she’d just put on never happened.

“A little warning would’ve been nice, Lil,” I admit, gritting my teeth. “I’ve got stuff going on.”

“Stuff?” she scoffs. “Like what, that you’re already seeing some nobody behind my back? You needed a little warning to get rid of her before I got home? Nice, Grayson.”

“I’m not seeing anyone, Lily,” I tell her, and it’s the truth.

“Not that I owe you any explanation. We’ve been separated for months, and it’s not like you didn’t know the road this was headed down.

You don’t hear me asking who you’ve been screwing since the last time I saw you.

What gives you the right to know anything about me now? ”

That shuts her up for a minute. For the first time, I think I’ve rendered her speechless.

“You may not like it, Grayson, but I’m still your wife,” she says, her voice weaker now. “Maybe I don’t want to throw away ten years. Maybe I want to fight for us.”

“Well, I certainly don’t,” I throw back at her.

“There’s no room for me. Everything has to be all about you, all the time!

God forbid I ever have something going on.

You’re gone on tour all the time, avoiding me, avoiding this.

There’s no reason for us to keep doing this.

You weren’t there when I wanted to make an effort.

It’s done, and you know it. There’s nothing left to fight for. ”

Lily stares at me, clearly taken aback. She sits down on the chair behind her, never taking her eyes off of me.

Honestly, I can’t believe what I just said either.

I’ve never lashed out at her like this before. The mind games and the constant fighting and making up are just so normal with us at this point that I never really thought to say anything about it.

“What’s happened to you?” she asks weakly, clearly trying as hard as she can not to show how emotional she’s getting—unsuccessfully.

“What tells you that something’s different?” I ask bitterly. “Is it that you’ve actually stopped thinking about yourself long enough to notice it, or that I’m not tip-toeing around our problems anymore?”

“Are you trying to hurt me?”

“No,” I say simply. “I’m just done trying to make a marriage work with someone who doesn’t know what it means to be in one.”