Page 11 of Pretty When It Burns (When The Lights Go Down #1)

Chapter nine

"Enough" - charlieonnafriday

Mia

Brandon, Eric, Tony, Johanna, Rylee, and I sit in a booth at the same diner Grayson had taken me to the night I first arrived. While everyone is bouncing around ideas of what they think is happening with Grayson and Lily back at the house, I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

“They’re signing the papers,” Tony says confidently. “They’ve got to be signing the papers right now.”

“I don't know,” Eric shrugs. “I bet Lily does that thing where she makes her eyes look really big, bats her eyelashes a few times, and Gray forgets why he was mad—again. It’s not like this is the first time they’ve said they were going to split up.”

“Or she sings him some song she wrote on tour about how sorry she is,” Johanna laughs. “Except she wrote it years ago for some other guy and she’s not even sorry.”

I almost can’t bear to listen to them talk.

Every comment feels like a jab, a reminder that I’m tangled up in something I shouldn’t be.

I find myself, yet again, missing my bed at my apartment in Dallas and my uncomplicated life that definitely does not include kissing dreamy, hopefully almost divorced musicians who are old enough to know better.

“I bet they have hate-sex on the kitchen counter,” Tony suggests, earning cringes from everyone at the table. “Except the entire time, Gray’s picturing Mia and he accidentally screams her name.”

“What?” I almost spit out my drink.

“Please,” Rylee laughs playfully. “Mia, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way Grayson looks at you. As much as I absolutely do not want Lily and Grayson having sex of any kind on the kitchen counter, what Tony’s saying is totally believable.”

“Believable, sure,” Johanna sighs. “Can we all just admit that it would be great if they were really signing the papers right now? I’d much rather have Mia as a sister in law.”

“Right,” I murmur quietly. “I’ll be right back.”

I excuse myself from the table and walk outside of the restaurant, sitting on one of the benches. I pick at the skin around my nails and attempt to steady my breathing. It feels wrong to wish for someone’s marriage to be over.

I wonder if my father’s mistress has ever felt this way, and shudder at the thought of having anything in common with her.

I can’t think about me and Grayson being together… not until it’s a done deal.

“You okay?” a voice asks from behind me.

It’s Brandon again. Of all the people inside the restaurant who could’ve seen me unraveling, I’m oddly grateful that it’s him.

I struggle to find my words, laughing a little. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I know,” he smiles, and I know he’s telling the truth. “It’s not fair for them to act like they know what’s going on when they don’t—especially in front of you, someone who genuinely needs to know.”

It’s like he’s speaking the exact words that were running through my mind when I was sitting at the table with everyone. They may have thought what they’re saying is funny, but really, it’s just my anxieties, exposed, being judged in a room full of people who don’t know any better.

“It was like this when Johanna and I split, too,” he admits. “Everyone assumed they knew everything, and they didn’t even know the half of it. They still don’t.”

“I’m not used to this,” I say quietly. “Being here, with you guys, it’s like everyone feels like they’re entitled to every detail. It just seems like I don’t have any privacy to feel all my feelings on my own terms.”

“I know,” Brandon replies. “It’s hard living so close to other people like this. It was a lot for me to get used to, too. But, look, if you just want one person to talk to about all this, I just hope you know I’m here.”

“I do,” I smile, and I mean it.

He puts his hand on my shoulder for just a moment and turns to walk back inside the restaurant. I sit for a moment longer, take a deep breath, rise from the bench, and walk inside behind him. I slide back into the booth beside Rylee.

“You good?” Rylee asks.

I nod, and I am. I feel better.

The day that Rylee and I are supposed to return to Dallas finally arrives. While some aspects of the trip have been great, I’m more than ready to go home and get away from the awkwardness at the band house.

Since we returned from the diner, no one had shared what exactly went down between Grayson and Lily. Grayson has barely spoken to me, and I haven’t asked.

Maybe I don’t want to know.

As I finish packing up my things, I hear a knock on the door. Grayson pops his head in before I have a chance to respond.

“Hey, can we talk?” he says softly, entering the room the rest of the way.

I shrug and sit on the bed, waiting for him to say whatever it is he wants to say.

“Look, I’m so sorry about... well, everything.

Having you here completely caught me off guard and things were messed up with Lily and me even before that.

It’s not an excuse for not telling you about her sooner, or for kissing you, but I just thought you should know.

I want you in my life, Mia, I just… have some work to do. ”

“Okay,” I say, not knowing what else to say.

I zip up my bag, pick it up, and walk past him toward the hallway.

“Mia…”

He reaches out to touch my arm, and I take a step back.

I will not be the other woman.

I’ve already seen that movie, and I know exactly how it ends.

“Don’t. I’ve already told you, I can’t.”

He drops his hand as I move past him, very aware of the distance I’m putting between us, leaving the room.

I find Rylee and Brandon waiting for me in the living room.

Grayson watches us disappear from the hallway without another word.

Part of me wishes he’d tried to stop me again, but as I close the door to the backseat of Brandon’s Bronco, I remind myself of all of the very valid reasons why it’s better he didn’t.

He’s in the middle of a divorce. You don’t even live here.

We drive to LAX with the music on, without speaking. When we pull up to the drop off zone, Brandon takes our bags out of the trunk and hands Rylee hers, telling her to go check in and I’ll be right behind her. She gives her brother a weird look but does as she’s told.

“So,” Brandon says, passing me my bag. “I know this trip was maybe not the best for you, but I’m really glad we finally got to meet. Regardless of the whole Grayson and Lily fiasco, it was really great getting to know you.”

“The talking with you part wasn’t bad,” I smile. “I’m glad we got to do that, too. Thank you for being there for me. I don’t like people seeing me struggle, but I didn’t necessarily mind that you did.”

Brandon moves to kiss my cheek. Before I can overthink it, I brazenly shift so his lips land on mine, desperately needing something on this trip to go my way.

“Bye, Brandon,” I almost whisper against his lips before turning away to walk inside the terminal and find Rylee.

“So? What was that all about?” Rylee begs me once I find her.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” I smirk, watching her jaw drop as we head towards security.